pluto ; jungjoo

26.

the whole week since jungsu left was a pure misery for jooyeon. he was trying to convince himself to make everything better, for the elder but it seemed to not really be working. 

he barely was in mood to do anything. most times he just stayed home and did nothing. if crying didn't count, he really did not do anything else. he had no energy for anything at all. 

going to university seemed so pointless. he did go there, he had no other choice but to do so, but he really didn't learn anything there, in a sense of there was nothing he could let in his head. it seemed impossible to study and catch whatever the lecturer was saying. he just moved his hand on the paper, taking notes for the sake of not being scolded or anything of that sort. he didn't revise anything home, didn't read, do any assignment nor did any research on whatever topic they were learning. something that would help him with his studies. 

he always just tried to remember every single second he had spent with jungsu. in order to cherish them all so dearly in his heart and mind. that was something he did not want to forget ever.  that was all he could think of. every day, each moment of the following week after the elder left. 

writing about them on paper was not enough, he had to make sure all of the memories were printed in his mind. secured so well that nothing would ever be able to make him forget them. that was what he tried. 

that was all he did actually. every day was nothing but him just trying to recollect the moments with jungsu. something that when it happened didn't seem so important, it was like the most usual, random thing, but now when he thought about it, he wished he paid more attention to it. he needed to have everything. 

because without that, he felt like he would lose the ability to smile, to be happy ever again. as jungsu himself told him, jooyeon knew that the elder had a power to automatically make him feel better about everything and make him feel happy. he had this energy of something positive he radiated all the time and kept the younger smiling. so, once he left, jooyeon was put back into his normal, usual lifestyle and left alone with his emotions. it was supposed to be his normal state but because he got this used to the elder giving him source of happiness, now he felt empty. 

it was not a pleasant feeling at all and he only now realized what jungsu meant when he told him about this. technically, it was his normal, every day state but jooyeon just felt so helpless. like something very big was torn out of him and he could not fill it in any way. 

and trying to shrug that very feeling off was harder than bearing to live with it. jungsu really had become his reason to be happy ⸺ quite literally. so now having to accept the fact that he was no longer there with him, felt like a stab in his chest. jooyeon really felt like life decided to be a little too harsh on him. make him the happiest one alive, with his stunning star giving him the most comforting company and then after certain time decided that it was enough, too much happiness even and took everything, literally everything away from him. in a blink of an eye, before the boy would even realize it. 

it was really like that. he fell asleep with jungsu beside him, the two of them cuddled up close to each other and then the next thing he knew he was wide awake in the early morning, in a oddly cold, empty bed.