Under Your Scars || Sebastian Sallow x MC

Chapter 11 - All Mine

Juliette POV

"LEGILIMENS" 

Through tears and gritted teeth, I invaded his mind.

I hated this. I hated myself for doing this, but I was running out of time. I had no time to prepare a trial for him, no time to train her myself, no time to protect her.

I had to be sure that the person I entrusted her to would not be tempted by her power, and that she would not be tempted with the Dark Arts as we had been. I needed her to be better than us.

I wanted to trust him so badly, and until this point he had given me every reason to trust him. My nightmares had sowed seeds of doubt and that I desperately needed to uproot.

Legilimency is what I arrived at. The only way to put my fears to rest. 

I felt no resistance as I entered his mind. I drifted through the fog of his subconscious, searching for memories he feared, moments of pain, moments that could have provoked use of Dark Magic. 

The first moment that came into focus was the start-of-term feast. I was standing behind him, watching him watch me from across the high table. I felt...fear. And a considerable amount of anxiety. 

What is he afraid of?

I pressed deeper, images of London, Hogwarts and Feldcroft flickered across my vision until I was seated next to Sebastian at a tavern. His hair was longer, shaggy and unkempt as it fell over his forehead. His stubble was more prominent, I wouldn't have recognized him if I hadn't been in his head. 

His expression was dull, a stark contrast to the merriment that surrounded him. He took a shot of firewhisky and shifted in his seat, revealing the woman sitting on the other side. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, but he didn't look the least bit interested in her. She stood from her seat and dragged him away by his tie.

This bothered me, for some reason. He carried a great deal of shame with this memory, like it bothered him, as well. Perhaps it was only his discomfort that I was feeling and not my own. Naturally.

This memory dissolved into another, Sebastian kneeling next to the body of Callan Fenwick. I recognized him as an Auror I had seen it in the news, killed in the field maybe 2 or 3 years ago. I didn't know that Sebastian was on that assignment with him. 

I could feel his despair, his agony as he held the Auror's hand. This man was his friend. Still, there was no darkness, no need for vengeance.  A wave of relief washed over me. 

I pushed through to the next apex of emotion. I was surprised to find the day I left the Auror Programme. He was watching me pack up my desk into my bottomless satchel. I searched for his feelings and found.. guilt? Like somehow he had driven me to leave? 

He knows why I left, why does he blame himself?

Another moment flashed before me, as if responding to my question. 

It was the funeral. Sebastian stood across from me as we watched the casket descend into the ground. I had expected to see this but I was not ready to sit in those feelings again. I was there, after all, so this memory couldn't show me anything I did not already know. 

I kept going, praying I was not causing him too much pain on the other side. I still felt no resistance, no attempts to occlude me.

Our 7th-year Yule Ball at Beauxbatons materialized in the fog.  Curious as to why this moment held negative feelings for him, I lingered a moment. 

He stood on the edge of the dance floor with Ominis, drink in hand, his brown eyes fixed on something across the room. I followed his gaze to find that he was watching me waltz.