Better Together

Chapter 26(Sahika)

As I reached the venue of Yakshi's wedding and started unpacking my things, I noticed my diary was missing. I immediately felt a punch in my gut. I hate the fact that I am separated from my diary.

It isn't like I maintain a daily journal but the amount of emotions and secrets that diary holds for me is too much. I have wrote every single thing about my life in it as if vomiting my heart out on the pages. And the main content is Abhay.

I first started writing in it weeks ago, when Abhay entered my life and office. I was overwhelmed and confused by everything that was going on in my life and I didn't know who to share my feelings with, so when I came across an Instagram post about writing you mind and heart, I immediately started noting down everything little thing.

Eventually, it wasn't so much of a big deal. But little by little it became an integral part of my day especially after I and Abhay decided to stay "just friends". It was like a torture to me. Because I had to act like a nice and genuine friend when all the thoughts I had in my mind were not so friendly.

I was deep in my thoughts playing everything written in that diary in my mind's eye, when someone tapped on my shoulder. It was Ashika. I was sharing the room with her and Kali.

"Hey, are you okay? You look pale.", she asked in a concerned tone.

I licked my tongue and tried to gain my demeanour as I replied, "Yeah, I am good. Just thinking about home."

"Want to eat something? There is still time in mehndi and yakshi is busy with some pre-wedding puja so, we are free for the next hour."

"Yeah sure, let's go."

We went down to the resort's restaurant where the buffet was already ready and had our lunch. Raghav also joined us with one of Yakshi's cousin named Rahul who kept flirting with Kali every chance he got. I noticed Neil bhaiya wasn't there and asked Ashu about it. She looked sad as she said that he was busy with the arrival of guests.

Everybody on the table started having their conversations but I wasn't in a mood to talk to anyone of them so I drifted into my thoughts while eating. The memories of Abhay started to cloud my thoughts. I have already started missing him.

Few minutes later, I realise people staring at me I blink nervously and look at them. My eyes meet Kali and she motions with her eyeball to look at my plate. I lower my gaze to find my hands too dirty and my plate fully haphazard.

I never eat like that. Oh my god, did I just have a break down and started eating obsessively in a friend's wedding sitting with so my people. I mentally face palm myself for letting my guards down.

I feel my gut churning and stand up from my chair but Raghav stops me by holding my elbow, "You don't need to hide anything from us Sahika. We are more than just friends, we are all family, each-other's comfort person."

I eye around the table and everybody give me supporting nods and lovely smiles. I sit back on my chair and wipe my hands using a tissue. My friends drift back into their conversation, making sure to involve me this time.

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After mehndi, when I and Kali come back to our room we find Ashu lying down and crying. I feel a jolt of panic on seeing her crying. She never cries. She is probably the strongest person I have met in my life. But I also feel a bit of comfort that she is fine.

The thing is after lunch Ashu had gone somewhere, we were all really stressed about her wellbeing and decided not to tell about this to Yakshi since she would get anxious. Neil bhaiya took the responsibility of finding her and didn't even hesitate for a minute before skipping his own sister's wedding function.

I and Kali hugged her and helped her calm down. We explained her how Neil bhaiya went around looking or her and she told us that she had went away to her office. I got it now; she was not fully wrong but I still supported Neil bhaiya more.

I loved him for how much he cared about Ashika. I wanted the same for myself. In fact, I longed for it in a way. Especially now that I had to be "just friends" with Abhay.

I thought of texting Abhay but decided against it. We needed this time away from each other to decided what we actually want from each other. I have a feeling he would be missing me too. He needs to embrace this feeling and understand my worth in his life.

I was too lost in my thought that Ashu had regained her control and was going to talk to Neil bhaiya and apologise to him. I stopped her by holding her elbow, "you can't do that.", I said to her.

She looked at me in shock and I started speaking again, "I mean you can't do it now. He must be to angry right now to even understand your point. Having a conversation now is just going to add fuel to his anger. Let him calm down."

Ashika agreed with me and went to the washroom to freshen up. Keli patted my back and said to me in teasing voice, "Someone has become a love guru. Just a few weeks ago, you were being all hopeless and impulsive."

Her words reminded me about our phone call back when I was in Bangalore. "About that.... Have you told anyone about our conversation?", I asked in a low voice to make sure Ashika couldn't hear me in the washroom.

"Nope, but I think Raghav knows about everything through Abhay."

I take a deep sigh and say, "Kali I don't want anyone to know, please make sure of it. I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I think Abhay still loves me, but..... but just look what Neil bhaiya did for Ashu. Do you think we will ever have that?"

"Are you seriously trying to compete with Ashu?", Kali questioned me.

"I am not trying to compete with anyone, but I feel really lonely and neglected after seeing Ashika being pampered. I really love Abhay, but I don't want anyone to know about what's going on between us until and unless its final once and for all."

Next day I noticed Ashika and Neil bhaiya giving each other curt nod and pleasant smiles throughout the rituals and meals. This made me feel even more lonely. It may sound like I am red flag being jealous of my own friend but the thing is I am actually really happy for her, just sad for myself.

If I and Abhay hadn't drifted apart all those years ago, the possibility if our happy present are endless. We could even be married and running the company together. He would have been my side holding me tightly while I broke down during my parents death. All these past years wouldn't have be so traumatising with him by my side.

The day went off quickly, in the evening we had sangeet and I was going to perform with Kali. Just before our names were announced, I felt a string tug at my heart. The way I feel whenever I am around Abhay, I looked around but couldn't see him. Maybe just I was hallucinating things because of thinking about him continuously for the last two days.

I was about to step on the stage but I had the same feeling, this time I turned around and I thought I had glimpse of him but before I could register what I had seen, Kali pulled me to the stage. Even from the stage, I looked around trying to find him. But he could nowhere to be seen. I was getting mad, there is no doubt in it. Its official now.

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Hey readers,
Did you like the idea of Sahika maintaining a diary or not?
Also, I don't think Sahika is going mad. what about you?
Happy days are finally gonna be back. So....
Keep voting and supporting