Fire Full Of Love

Part 27 - Skyline

Anastasia's pov:

I roll over, i'm sweating, i'm uncomfortable and i can't sleep. I turn my pillow over and lay there for a few minutes before giving up like the rest of the times tonight.

I tiredly turned my head to look at the time, i never do that because i know it will keep me up more overthinking about it, it reads 4.38am. I sigh and get up.

I throw on an old calvin klein sweatshirt that's been on my chair for weeks, too oversized but it comes off the shoulder. My uncle hates it because you can see my bra straps but isn't that like any other piece of clothing?

I put on some silk pyjama bottoms and trainers (stylish i know). I grab my keys and sneak down the stairs because i know my Aunt and Uncle are back. My Aunt is such a light sleeper it is annoying.

Once i get outside i stumble on the gravel to my car. Although i was sweating in my bed i am now freezing from getting up so i turn the car heater on. I know it's bad but i always keep the window open a little, i don't know why, i just do.

it's now 4:49am. I drive. I don't know where but i just drive. If i can't sleep i always get up and do something.

__________________________________

I love watching the sunrise. It always brings back good memories. Maybe that's why i'm here?

I park up at the normal spot. It's a cliff on a mountain over looking a part of the ocean. My Mum used to take me here all the time. I never really got on with my Dad but i still miss them both. My Mum used to set a blanket down on the cliff behind the railings. It was my favourite part of my day. We used to sleep early and wake up early bringing cheese sandwiches. I haven't eaten one since.

Grief is just love with nowhere to go and sat at this mountain i feel like a piece of me is missing and i'm trying to find it through the crashing of the waves.

The stunning skyline in front of me creates stacks of colours. The orange haze of the sunset was blinding my eyes but i didn't take much notice.

San Diego, a city that lives, a city that has a chance to live. The city may call home, but it doesn't feel it to me. Home for me is peace and i don't think i have that. The most peace i've felt is when i'm with Gio. From a young age he has known how to comfort me and that was not lost throughout time. He's still the same kind little boy i've always known, the one who lives next door and taught me how to ride a bike. How ever many times i fell off he made me go back on until i did it, and i did. I've always felt something towards him.

Gio knew my parents too, he was upset when his parents told them my Mum and Dad went missing but he doesn't talk about it with me. He tried once and i shut him down quickly. He understands when I'm not ready to speak.

I wish i could understand people more.

Sat at the same ledge, behind the railings, without a blanket, sandwich's, without my Mum.

I felt as if the sky lived more than me, like it had more to give, i felt as if the sun told more stories
and the crashing of the waves gave better advice than me.

I can't complain though because i'm sat on this mountain watching the suns stories and begging the waves for advice.

The suns warmth and the ocean crawling out, it felt peaceful for once. Like i swallowed the loneliness instead of it engulfing me.

I still have those thoughts though. I hold onto things and reasons which never existed. That's why when reality hits i just have to sit with myself.

I try and stop myself from letting the tears flow because if i do i won't know how to stop them. I didn't realise how my fresh cherry red nails were digging into the ground. Crimson now chipped off my finger nails, dirt caught in them.

I get a message on my phone that pulls me back into reality.

Gio: *I'm happy to see you tonight for dinner at yours*

The tears no longer blur my eyes and a small smile shows on my face. I wonder though as it's 5:40am why he would be awake, he never is at this time. It was like he knew.

I get up off the floor wondering when i ever sat down. I wipe dirt off my silk pyjama bottoms and get back in my now cold car that was left in the shade. Putting the heating on made me sleepy. I will go back and get a few hours.

__________________________________

I'm done with exams finally!

I hope you're all doing well, get rest!