C+J•G~Drabbles!

☆Relapse☆

[ TW: Self-Harm ]

Carrington catches Johnnie harming himself. Johnnie relapsed!

Please skip if uncomfortable.

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It was late in the household. Johnnie was awake as usual. But.. he was trying to fight off his demons in his head.

A soft sigh left his lips as he gets up, walking into his closet. He flicks the light on, looking through some old boxes and stuff. Before he found it... a very old razor, it's extremely rusted, and had a bunch of dull edges.

He slowly picks up the razor, looking at it for a moment. He stares at his reflection in the blade, then slowly looks down at his arms. They had scars, but most of his tattoos covered them but they were old.

He had been clean for years, but it was all about to change. He knew that this was a bad idea, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Fuck," Johnnie whispered as he looks at the old blade. Getting a wave of depression and sickness of an unnerving nostalgia. Remembering how he use to cut so much as a teenager.

His mind spiraled further into the darkness of his mental illnesses.

He sat down on the floor, staring at the razor in his hand. He was tempted, he wanted to do it so badly.

He slowly brought the blade to his wrist, the tip of it just barely touching his skin. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and he knew he was about to make a huge mistake.

Tears filled Johnnie's eyes. His hand is visibly shaking as his breathing gets all panicked and shaken up.

He tried to calm himself down, but it was no use. The tears started to stream down his face, and he felt like he was about to break.

He couldn't do this. He had come so far, he couldn't go back to the person he was before. He let out a sob, dropping the razor onto the floor.

"Damnit," Johnnie cried out as he picks up the blade again. He gets up, bringing the blade with him as he walks himself to his bed. He sits on the floor beside it. His back against the wall.

He stared at the blade, his heart still racing. He knew he had to do something, he couldn't just sit here and cry. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down again.

He closed his eyes and thought about all the reasons why he had stopped cutting. He thought about his friends, his family, and all the people who loved him. He couldn't do this to them.

But his dark thoughts suddenly clouded that, His eyes slowly reopened. His makeup was in streaks as he placed the blade back to his tatted wrist.

He pressed the blade down a little harder, his hand shaking even more. He was fighting with himself, his mind telling him to do it while his heart was telling him not to. He knew that once he started, he wouldn't be able to stop. But he couldn't help himself.

Johnnie takes a sharp inhale as he makes the quick slice. Watching the blood appear, he felt nauseated. Remembering that feeling, remembering how sick it made him feel.

The pain was immediate, and it was excruciating. He let out a gasp, dropping the razor as he clutched his wrist. The blood was flowing freely now, staining his skin and his clothes. He felt like he was going to throw up.