C+J•G~Drabbles!

☆Overthinking☆

Tw: self doubt, insecurities, overthinking, anxiety, depression, self-hate, panicking, anxious behavior, insomnia

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Johnnie is tossing and turning in his room. His mind on Carrington. He couldn't help it. He has a crush on the roommate. He hasn't been sleeping very well either. His mind racing with thoughts.

Carrington had been awake for a while, unable to sleep himself. He was used to not sleeping much, but he was just so bored. He tossed and turned in his bed, his mind also on Johnnie. He wondered what the man was doing right now.

He decided to get up and go check on him, slowly walking out of his room and towards Johnnie's.

Johnnie is hugging is pillow with tears in his eyes. Imagining the pillow as Carrington. He buried his face into it, muttering. "He'll never love me.. I'm worthless."

Carrington was surprised to hear Johnnie's mumbling. He didn't expect this, and he certainly didn't expect him to be crying.

He slowly walked into the room, approaching the bed. He sat down on the edge of it, looking at Johnnie with a concerned expression.

"Johnnie?" he said quietly, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

Johnnie got startled. He jumps in surprise as he lifts his head up. "Oh, hi..! Shouldn't you be in bed?" He asked, his cheeks tear-stained.

Carrington chuckled softly, shaking his head. "I could say the same for you. You look like you've been crying."

He shifted closer to Johnnie, still keeping his hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Johnnie sighed. Looking down at his hands as he avoided eye contact with Carrington. His makeup was a bit smudgy from crying.

"Just in my head again," Johnnie replied, as his hands shaked.

Carrington noticed the shaking of Johnnie's hands and the smudged makeup. He gently placed his other hand on Johnnie's chin, tilting his head up so he would look at him.

"In your head about what?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

Johnnie shakes his head, "No, no, - not about this.. I can't-" His voice sounded emotional and anxious.

Carrington's expression softened, and he gently stroked Johnnie's cheek with his thumb. "Hey, it's okay. You can tell me anything, I promise. I won't judge you."

He moved a bit closer to Johnnie, still holding his chin gently. "Please, talk to me. I hate seeing you like this."

Johnnie pulled back and sat further in his bed. Tucking up his knees and burying his face into them.

Carrington frowned as Johnnie pulled away from him. He could tell that the man was struggling, and it hurt him to see him in pain.

He moved closer again, placing a hand on Johnnie's knee. "Johnnie, please look at me," he said softly, trying to coax him out of hiding.

Johnnie shakes his head, muttering out his throughts, "I'm so stupid, why do i feel like this? It's not like you even feel that way.."

Carrington's heart ached as he heard Johnnie's words. He had a feeling he knew what was going on, but he wanted to hear it from him.

He gently squeezed Johnnie's knee. "Feel like what? And what do you mean I don't feel that way?"

Johnnie lifted his head, tears in his eyes. "You'll never love me," He confessed. "You're so much better than me, at everything- you're so kind and funny- and i don't deserve that- you'll never ever feel that to me- ever.."