C+J•G~Drabbles!

☆"Body Image"☆

TW: body dysm0rphia, body image issues, insecurity, self hate, mental illness.

[ Carrington is suffering from body image issues and his bf Johnnie helps him through it ]

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Carrington was looking at himself in the mirror one night. His eyes glued to his reflection as he sighed heavily in distress. He ran a hand through his brown hair and pushed it back, looking closely at his face.

Johnnie was walking by and caught Carrington looking in the mirror. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and smirking.

"Why so deep in thought, pretty boy?"
He teased.

Carrington got startled to hear his boyfriend's voice and sighed. He turned his head away from the mirror and forced a smile to look at Johnnie before he looked back at the mirror.

Johnnie chuckled at the startled look on his boyfriend's face, walking over to him and standing behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. He rested his chin on his shoulder and glanced at his reflection.

"What's wrong? You're never this focused on your looks..."He joked, placing a few kisses on his neck.

Carrington felt his heart skip a beat as he looked at himself, a sense of unease washing over him. He hated the way he looked. The small imperfections in his face and body made him feel insecure and uncomfortable in his own skin.

Johnnie's kisses on his neck were usually a comfort, but today they only made him feel worse about himself.

"What's wrong?" Johnnie asked softly as he hugged Carrington's waist from behind. Looking at him now with a concerned look.

Carrington tried to keep his expression neutral, but the slight tremble in his voice gave him away.

"Nothing... I'm fine."
He lied, still avoiding looking at Johnnie's reflection in the mirror.

Johnnie raised an eyebrow, not believing his words for a second. He knew Carrington too well to fall for his lies.

"Bullshit. You're a terrible liar, you know that?"He said, gently turning Carrington around to face him.

Carrington sighed, as he walked past Johnnie, "It's nothing, alright!" As he walked into his room and slammed the door.

Johnnie's expression softened as he watched Carrington walk away, feeling a pang of hurt and worry in his chest

He followed Carrington to the room and gently knocked on the door."Babe, please talk to me. I know something's bothering you..."

Carrington sat on the bed, his head in his hands as he heard Johnnie's voice on the other side of the door.

He felt guilty for shutting him out, but he didn't know how to express his feelings.He didn't respond, instead, he just hugged himself and continued to stare at the floor.

Johnnie let out a soft sigh, leaning his forehead against the door."Babe, please... You know I hate when you shut me out like this. I can't help you if you don't talk to me..."He pleaded softly, his voice filled with worry and concern.

"I want to be left alone baby," Carrington replied as he got up and walked to the other bathroom that was connected in his room.

Johnnie's heart sank at Carrington's words. He hated being pushed away, especially when he knew something was wrong.

He leaned against the wall outside the bedroom, his arms crossed over his chest as he waited for Carrington to come out.

Carrington stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, staring at his reflection with a mixture of self-loathing and disgust. He picked apart every little detail he didn't like about himself - his nose, his chin, his body shape.

Tears began to well up in his eyes as he continued to stare at himself, feeling more and more miserable by the second.

"Fuck," Carrington whispered as a few tears dropped onto the bathroom's sink. He gripped the counter as he shakes his head. Before he wiped his eyes and left his bathroom. He opened the bedroom door and looked at Johnnie.

Johnnie immediately looked up when he heard the door open. His heart ached as he saw the tears in Carrington's eyes.

He reached out to him, gently pulling him into a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around him protectively.

Carrington returned the hug, "I'm still learning to like how i look, but tonight it's just hitting..and hurting,"

Johnnie held him close, gently rubbing his back as he spoke. He knew that body dysmorphia was a struggle for Carrington, and he wished he could take away all his insecurities and doubts.

Johnnie pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, his voice filled with empathy and love.
"I know, baby. I know it's hard. But you're beautiful, inside and out. I love you so much, no matter what you think about yourself."

"I'm just-" Carrington laughed in disbelief as he wipes his eyes, "I'm a fucking model for crying out loud, and i still feel like a fucking dumbass hating how my body looks,"

Johnnie chuckled softly at Carrington's statement, a mix of amusement and sadness in his voice.

"Just because you're a model doesn't mean you're immune to body issues, babe. You're human, just like everyone else. And it's okay to struggle with your appearance, no matter how many photoshoots you've been in."
He gently tilted Carrington's chin up, looking into his eyes."You're allowed to have bad days, too."

Carrington teared up, "I'm just.. a mess right now," as he wiped his eyes. "I don't know, why."

Johnnie's heart ached as he saw the tears in Carrington's eyes again. He gently wiped away the tears with his thumb, his touch tender and loving.

"Hey, it's okay to be a mess sometimes. You're allowed to have emotions, baby. It doesn't make you weak or anything."
He said softly, his hand gently stroking Carrington's hair.

"I wanna lay down" Carrington sniffled as he walked himself to his bed and laid in it, curling up and shaking his head.

Johnnie followed Carrington to the bed, laying down next to him.

He wrapped his arms around him, holding him close as he stroked his hair and tried to soothe him."Shh, it's okay. I've got you, baby."

Carrington sighed and gave a slight nod. His eyes watery and cheeks tear stained. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

Johnnie cupped Carrington's face, his thumb gently wiping away the remaining tears on his cheeks.

"You have nothing to apologize for, love. I just hate seeing you in pain like this."
Johnnie said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

Carrington smiled a bit, "I love you."

Johnnie's heart skipped a beat at the smile, relieved to see even the slightest hint of happiness on Carrington's face.

"I love you too, more than you know."
He murmured, gently brushing a strand of hair away from his face.

Carrington holds Johnnie close and closed his eyes, exhausted from the heavy emotions he has felt.

Johnnie continued to hold Carrington, feeling the exhaustion in his body.
He gently rubbed his back, humming a soft melody as he let him rest.

Carrington falls asleep, his eyes puffy and red from crying but he looked peaceful and more relaxed in Johnnie's arms.

Johnnie smiled as he watched Carrington fall asleep in his arms. He continued to hold him, gently stroking his hair and keeping him close.

He hated seeing Carrington upset, but he was glad he could provide some comfort and rest for him now.

He stayed like that for a while, just holding Carrington and watching over him as he slept.

The end
1,255 words