Trauma of the Forest (Meadema)

~ Chapter 16: The Redeeming Answer ~

Warning: This chapter contains a connection to previous sexual assault, but the actual act itself isn't described in detail. Decide for yourself if you want to read this chapter or not.

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*BANG, BANG, BANG*. Beth sat up, her eyes wide, the clock showing 9.30am. 'Huh, is it morning yet?'. The last thing she remembered was reading Viv's letter, but had it been that long? She hadn't even noticed that she had fallen asleep.

That letter, the most painful, but perhaps the most beautiful letter she had ever received from Viv. So pure. So straight from her heart. So Viv, as she would write. For almost 48 hours, almost 2 full days, she had no idea where Viv was. Had she been separated from her wife, had she no idea how she was doing. Did her hope depend on a few notes, of which she didn't even know if they described the actual reality.

Again the knocking, again she had heard it. She still wasn't released from this stupid nightmare. Something inside her told her that this situation wasn't really happening yet. Something inside her still gave her a little bit of hope that Viv could be at the door at any moment, could tell her that none of this had really happened.

That hope was quickly overtaken by fear and anger, because there it was again. Two sandwiches, half an apple and a bottle of water. She was still part of this horrible situation, and it didn't seem like it would end anytime soon.

But no note. No fucking note. 'NOOOOOOO. FUCK'. Another angry cry left her mouth, her emotion audible in her voice. She hoped for something new, a clue. But no, not now. And she didn't know if they would follow, as nothing here was repetitive.

With difficulty she ate a sandwich, unable to eat the other sandwich and half the apple. She was tired, emotionally wrecked, anxious, angry. She was empty, she felt nothing anymore. Giving up... She seriously considered it, she would just stop eating and drinking and slowly wait for death.

'No, what the fuck. How can I think like that? Come on Beth, pull yourself together'. Of course she couldn't give up. Her Viv was fighting for her. Her Viv would do anything to see her again as soon as possible. She couldn't give up now, couldn't feel sorry for herself. She had to keep going.

The strength that had come last night after reading the letter seemed to be coming back very slowly. She had to, she couldn't lie here on her bed all day and wait. She had to keep fighting, keep searching, for something that would help her out of the situation.

She gathered all the letters together again, spread them out over the entire table. Okay, what did she have now? She knew that Viv had to deal with three men, including a Peter and a Jack. She knew that Viv had to endure the atrocities three times a day and that they were carried out in a dark room, probably two kilometers from here. Under each letter was JPL, about which nothing was clear yet.

'Shit'. She had the feeling that she knew so much, that she seemed to be getting some sort of grip on the situation. But no, actually she knew so little. Nothing concrete about what first step she could take towards a way out. 

She kept staring at the letters, reading each word a hundred times, until the meaning of the words seemed to fall away. She looked at the pictures without really giving them a meaning, she had done that once before and she absolutely didn't want to do it again. She had to look for possible clues and hints. There had to be something in it, right?

And then, again. 'BANG'. A loud bang on the door. She looked at the clock, which already showed 1pm. Was it that late again? Had she been looking at the letters for so long, without any new clue? Food through the door again, two sandwiches, this time with half a tangerine and half a biscuit, including a bottle of water. But again no letter. Nothing. No hint, no clue and no clarity.