Trauma of the Forest (Meadema)

~ Chapter 76: Shelter Days ~

Viv turned the key in the lock, holding Beth's hand in her other hand and Beth's hospital bag hanging over her shoulder. She glanced to the side, towards Beth, who was biting her lip a little hesitantly. She took a deep breath and opened the door, after which she let go of Beth's hand and walked inside. She turned around abruptly, to get a view of what reaction the view of this room would evoke in Beth.

Beth stood still in the doorway, looking around calmly. Much of her face didn't seem to be readable, so Viv didn't really know what Beth was feeling now, what she thought of it. 'You uhm... you okay liefie?'. Beth nodded, not exactly enthusiastically. 'I... it's... uhm. I think it's okay for the time being'.

But Viv knew better, could also see from Beth's face now that she was anything but happy. Yes, of course she was happy to be out of the hospital, that she could be with Viv again 24/7. But here? In this place? With Viv? While she is almost 25 weeks pregnant? While they can't go anywhere to buy something for their baby? Where they can't visit family? How on earth are they going to do that?

Until she started looking deeper, more at the details. Yes, those questions were still haunting her mind, but suddenly she saw the blue blanket, she saw some of their stuff here and there, she saw the ultrasounds hanging on the notice board. Suddenly it felt a bit homely, it seemed to be okay after all, at least not as bad as she had thought. And besides, she was with Viv again, that was the most important thing.

'You sure you're okay sweetheart?'. Viv carefully stepped towards her, hugged her again, and without Viv realizing it, the silent tears rolled down her cheeks. It was only when the tears started to seep through her sweater, forcing damp patches against Viv's skin, that Viv realized that Beth was crying in her arms.

'Liefje...'. She took a few steps back, sat down on the bed and took Beth with her, after which she placed her in her lap. Beth's head flopped down on Viv's shoulder, the tears that had fallen from her eyes, landed on her skin, flowed from Viv's neck over her skin, under her bra and down. This was the reality, a new reality once again, which had hit quite hard..

'It's just. I don't know how to feel. I'm glad I'm with you again, that we can just stay together again. I'm glad we got this chance in a safe place. But it hurts to be locked up again, to not be allowed to see our family. It's painful to sit here while the days of pregnancy just keep counting. I don't know how to do it Vivi. We can't have a child here, we don't even have stuff yet'.

For the first time, there was sound with Beth's tears, the sobs could be heard. Viv suddenly felt bad, felt like she hadn't fought enough. Like she hadn't searched long enough for a safe place. Felt like she was the reason Beth was crying now, while she knew full well that she was doing everything she could to bring her family to safety somewhere other than here.

They decided to lie down on the bed, where they would be sleeping for the next while, Viv lying flat on her back with Beth cuddled up to her, seeking solace in Viv's comfort. 'It's okay liefje. I'm here. I promise you that I will continue the search to a safe place'. How long would they stay here? Another week? Two weeks? A month? Several months? Will this be the first bed where they will sleep together as a family? Would this be the first home for their baby?

Suddenly Beth's sobs stopped, her panicked breaths made way for deep breaths, it was clear that she had cried herself to sleep. Viv just let it go for a while, also knowing that Beth would rest a lot in the coming period, would sleep, would continue to get stronger as far as that would all work out here, to gather strength to get through the coming period and to give birth to their baby. She decided to continue with her series. Besides, she couldn't go anywhere, especially not with Beth lying half on top of her.

An hour later Beth suddenly groaned, she felt Beth's face suddenly pressed harder into her neck, she slowly felt the weight of Beth's legs slide off her own legs. And very slowly, she opened her eyes. 'Hey lieverd, did you sleep well?'. A soft hum left her mouth, after which she once again placed her weight half on top of Viv and closed her eyes for a moment, to take a little extra time to wake up.