Trauma of the Forest (Meadema)

~ Chapter 30: The Hardest Call ~

Warning: mentions of self harm and rape. If you are uncomfortable with this, please skip this chapter.

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And yes, there it was, the moment. The phone rang, the beeps were clearly audible. Now there was no way back. Now she couldn't hang up. Yes, she could, but then she would still be called back, if not now, then Carolien would call her back the next morning. Because yeah? What urgent thing would there be that Beth would otherwise call in the middle of the night? She would call back immediately when she saw that Beth had called her during the night, if she doesn't answer now.

She stared at Viv, her eyes slowly filling with tears as she thought about what heartbreak was in store for her now. She had to tell the mother of this woman lying in bed before her, the mother of the love of her life, her everything, all the horrible things she had to endure. Once again, that awful feeling shot through every fiber of Beth's body.

*BEEP*.... 'Fuck, what am I going to say?'. *BEEP*.... 'Shit, I shouldn't have called'. *BEEP*.... 'How am I going to get through this without tears?'. *BEEP*.... 'Hmmm... Maybe she's not answering after all?'. As far as Beth knew, Carolien always had her phone turned off at night, and only had the sound of her phone on for her immediate family, including Beth, so she should hear her phone ringing right now.

But then again, it was the middle of the night. In a way, it wouldn't be strange if Carolien didn't answer the phone. Still, she hoped that she would answer it anyway, not being able to sit in anxiety for a few more hours about what she would tell Carolien and whatCarolien would say to her. Besides, Katie had been gone for a while now and she really hoped that Katie wouldn't walk in while she was on the phone with Carolien.

* BEEP*... 'Come on, please answer'. Her grip on Viv's hand tightened with every beep that could be heard, which even caused a deep sigh to leave Viv's mouth, after which Beth immediately loosened her grip again, not wanting Viv to wake up. 'Fuck, please stay asleep. Come on Beth. Pull yourself together. It's just Viv's mom. You know you can tell her everything'. 

And then, after what seemed like hours again, the beeping stopped, which made way for the clearly recognizable voice. 'Hey Beth, you okay?'. The normally very calm Carolien, who always greeted Beth very cheerfully, was now not completely at ease. A little bit of panic and fear seemed to be audible in her voice. And rightly so, because if there was something urgent, they couldn't come right away, then everything had to be arranged first and they could only actually be here a few hours later.

Beth had never called her at night before. They had agreed that they could always call if there was something urgent at night, but that had never happened. And now Beth had to explain the whole situation, a situation that was much worse than urgent, which she herself had not yet comprehended and given a place. And now?... Now there was no way back anymore.

'Uhmmm... Hey Carolien. I'm sorry for waking you up. But I uhmmm...'. Tears wanted to form again in Beth's eyes. Now the moment had come when she really couldn't go back. Now she had to make it clear to Carolien what was going on, but she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to tell it. Her breathing turned into loud sobs, her hand trembling in Viv's, tears running down her cheeks. Viv didn't hear anything, she was out for the count, quietly asleep recovering from the operation she had to undergo.

Very slowly, second by second, she tried to form words. 'I...I...I'm so sorry. I...'. Carolien had to intervene, realizing that she herself had to remain calm, despite the fact that her daughter's wife was now calling her in a state of complete panic and couldn't tell what was going on on her end of the line. 'Hey Beth, try to relax a bit. Breathe deeply. Take your time, darling. Is Viv with you?'.