Trauma of the Forest (Meadema)

~ Chapter 48: The Merciless Voice ~

Warning: This chapter contains smut and flashbacks to previous sexual assault. If you are uncomfortable with this, please skip this chapter.

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Back home, the atmosphere remained the same, although it wasn't really awkward anymore, but more like the atmosphere that always existed before they had sex. Only with all the flashbacks of what happened six weeks ago, it seemed a bit different.

They were both sitting on the couch, next to each other, side by side, watching television, but neither of them were focused on the television at all, nor on each other. Both of them were completely focused on something else. They both seemed to need it, sex, but neither of them dared to take the first step. They had only kissed each other since the terrible thing happened, not even a French kiss, were they ready to actually have sex again?

On the left sat Beth, who seemed to be mostly in doubt. What emotion would sex evoke in Viv? Would Viv ever be able to enjoy sex with her again? Should she give all power to Viv to show her again that she had a say during sex?

On the right sat Viv, who seemed mostly scared, not because she was afraid of having sex with Beth, far from it, but mostly because she seemed afraid of her own behavior and appearance. What would happen if she suddenly had flashbacks? How would Beth react if she suddenly said that it had become too much for her? Does Beth even find her still attractive?

So they sat there on the couch for a total of over an hour and a half, completely indecisive. Until it was Viv, who suddenly broke the silence. 'Uhmm... Liefie. I... I think we are thinking the same right now... I think.... uhm I think we both want the same thing. Am I correct or not?'. Beth looked to the side, to be able to look Viv in the eye.

'Uhmm, yeah I think so... But if you're not ready yet, that's perfectly fine too Vivi'. Viv immediately grabbed her hand to reassure her. 'Liefie, we're on the same page, believe me. I just... I don't think I.... I just don't know if I'm capable of doing it like I used to. If I can do it now. And I don't want to disappoint you, you know'.

Now it was Beth, who placed her free hand on Viv's cheek. 'Honey, you're not disappointing me, far from it. I just want you to tell me what you want and don't want. The only thing you would disappoint me with is if you do something you don't want to do. Okay?'

A deep sigh left Viv's mouth. 'It's just. I just don't look the same as I did a few months ago. I have a big scar on my stomach, while I always enjoy it when you lick my abs with your tongue, you know that. But I understand if you don't want that anymore. My vagina doesn't look the same either. I just want it to be the same, like we're used to, but I can completely understand if you find me less attractive now than you used to. And I understand if you suddenly want to stop when you see everything up close. And...'.

Viv was driving herself crazy, Beth knew it, so she decided to end Viv's speech. 'Honey, don't say that. Okay, it might take some getting used to for me, but that's not because I don't find you attractive, far from it. I just have to find a new way to turn you on. And I know for sure that I can even make you feel good about your scar, if you let me. You know I always take care of you during sex, now is no different. I will take better care of you than ever before. But if you suddenly feel something or if it gets to be too much for you, you have to tell me, that's all I ask of you'.

Viv nodded and the panic seemed to make way for relief, a smile appeared on Viv's face. 'I will. I missed you, so much'. This was the sign for Beth, that Viv was really ready. 'I missed you too'.

And then they started, on the couch, different than usual, Beth hadn't jumped on top of Viv this time, but had only placed her hand in Viv's hair to pull her face closer to her. Viv's hands had also found their place in Beth's hair and their lips continuously touched in a loving touch. 'Hmmm, liefie. Are you ready to taste your favorite flavor in the whole wide world again?'.