Trauma of the Forest (Meadema)

~ Chapter 49: Dreaded Therapy ~

Warning: mentions of sex and references to self harm. If you're uncomfortable with mentions of sex (start reading from the first green notes) and if you're uncomfortable with self harm (start reading from the second green notes). 

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Talking about feelings... It's not a hobby for either of them. Actually not with anyone...not with family, not with friends and actually not with each other too. But they both realized that things couldn't go on like this, that something had to be done. They were both worried, not necessarily so much about themselves, but mainly about each other, as they always put themselves aside. But now they had to, now it wasn't just them that noticed, but also Katie, also Caitlin, their parents and brothers and sisters.

Beth... It was so clear to see that a lot of trauma was still present in her. If they had visitors and Viv had to grab something, there were always two scenarios. Either Beth walked with Viv to keep an eye on her or she stayed seated, but the panic in her eyes was immediately visible because she didn't have a direct view of Viv. Learning to let go of Viv again, that is the biggest challenge for Beth.

Viv... With Viv, it may be less noticeable that she is still suffering a lot from the trauma, because she wants to deal with it in her own way and mainly wants to suppress it. With Viv, that little voice has actually always been there in her head, trying to break her mentally. But now, now that all this has happened, that little voice seems more powerful than ever. Learning to deal with this little voice, that is the biggest challenge for Viv.

So now they were sitting on the couch together, four days after they had experienced that failed sex together. A day after the failed sex, there were quite a few tears, but the experience was given a place. A day later, they discussed with their parents, Katie and Caitlin what needs to be done to continue their mental recovery. Another day later they contacted a therapist and explained the story. Fortunately, to the great gratitude of both, there was a therapist nearby who they could go to together, at the same time, so that the threshold to talk to a stranger is a little lower.

And now, four days after their sex, they sat in silence, staring into space, clearly far away in thought. Until Viv saw on her watch that they had to be at the therapist in 15 minutes. 'Uhmm lieverd... I think we should go, otherwise we'll be late'. Beth was pulled out of her thoughts and looked at her watch in alarm. 'Uhmmm... yeah you are right'.

So there they went, slightly reluctantly, outside to then go to therapy in Katie's car. They had asked her if they could take her car. By now, the whole world knew, because of that photo that was shared in the media, which car they had. So to avoid all those social media rumors again, should their car be recognized during therapy, Katie decided to lend her car.

Once they arrived at the therapy practice, to their great gratitude there was still a spot available near the entrance, which made the chance of them being seen by someone considerably smaller. It was also only one therapist, who had her own company, so there was no one else in the building, apart from an administrative employee, who would recognise them.

They walked in hand in hand and didn't even have to take a seat in the waiting room, because the therapist was already waiting for them. 'Good afternoon, welcome to the practice. My name is Lotte. I am the one you spoke to on the phone yesterday'. They both shook her hand and followed her into the practice room.

'So, how are you feeling?'. Beth and Viv looked at each other, unsure what exactly they were going to do. Yes, talking about feelings was clear, but how? In what way? As soon as they would start talking about it, it might become difficult. Are tears allowed to fall? As a kind of signal to each other by looking in each other's eyes who would start talking first, Beth decided to start.