Secalit Ungu Dilangit Senja

14 | Janji?

'LAHHHH MELAYU. Kemain lagi kau speaking bang.' Dhia mulanya tergelak kecil, kemudiannya dia diam terfikirkan sesuatu. Ruang simpati dalam hati menerjang saraf. Bibirnya sedikit bergetar. Dia cuba untuk bertenang.

N: 'You?'

Dhia tersenyum lega sekurang kurangnya bukanlah lelaki dari negara luar yang berperangai pelik. Dan jelik.

D: 'Im Dhia, F,29, muslim, Malaysian also haha'

N: 'Hi Dhia. So kita boleh cakap melayu jugak la ni kan?'

D: ' Ye boleh.. campoq pun takpa noh. I suka rojak semua loghat kat Malaysia ni. Contohnya: Hang nak pi mana tu beyy ekk? Boh kek sedap do oh tu kat sini meh... Hahaha'

N: 'Haha. Jap I try balas. Boh hat mano mek? mu kecek biaq jelas la tapi... Err jadi tak?'

'Laa ingat dia nak kata hambar rupanya kelakar jugak mamat ni...'

D: 'HAHAHAHAHA. Jadikkkkk!'
'Okay okay my turn right? Hmm what is your biggest fear?'

.......

10 minit berlalu. Masih senyap.

.......

20 minit berlalu, Dhia merasa serba salah mungkin soalannya agak sensitif. 'Ah lantaklah kan, dia yang suruh main game ni bukan aku yang nak!'.

Dhia menguap beberapakali.

'Ahhhh!.' Dhia menguap besar. Dia tidak tahu mengapa perlu dia berharap soalan itu dibalas segera. Sebelum hal berlarutan Dhia terasa juga mahu remove dirinya dari conversation tersebut. Rasa risau atau takut tersimpati pada orang yang tak dikenali.

Ting. Notifikasi masuk membantutkan apa yang ada dalam fikiran.

'Laa baru nak left...'

N: 'Im fear of intimacy or close relationship'

Dhia menelan air liur. 'Uish bahaya ni.' Dhia mahu mendiamkan diri namun tak sampai hati.

D: 'Oh tapi kenapa?'

Jeda hampir lima minit namun tanda dia masih online jelas nyata. Maybe dia balas mesej sambil main FIFA kot.

N: 'Sorry pergi toilet.'

Dhia hanya melepaskan hela berat.

N: 'Hmm not sure...'

D: 'Does one of the reason is you scared if you let them entering your life, being open up and vulnerable— they will leave eventually. It gonna hurt you so much?'

Dhia menelan air liurnya. Entahkan betul atau tidak andainya itu. Hakikatnya dia juga akan lari. Dhia tak mengharapakan apa-apa dari conversation ini melainkan melepaskan kebosanan. Dia pun bukan siapa-siapa dalam hidup Dhia.

N: 'How do you know?'

Nyxtcrtcise75_ @ Lutfan seakan terkejut seseorang dari alam maya dapat membaca serba sedikit mengenai dirinya walaupun hanya dari kaca skrin telefon. Hal tersebut amat jarang sekali terjadi kerana selalunya dirinya yang lebih baik dalam memahami perasaan dan kehendak orang lain tanpa timbal balik.

D: 'Oh. But that will be something beyond our control, right? You need to know that you still deserve to be loved by someone and also—
you are capable of loving people'. You know that right?'

N: 'I don't know. I don't want to take any risk so...'
'...Do you think life is fair?'

Dhia berfikir sejenak. Walaupun langit waktu ini sudah pun hitam pekat—
namun matanya seakan cerah. Dhia mengambil masa lebih kurang 10 minit juga untuk mengatur ayat.

D: 'Hmm life isn't and never will be fair and same in human's eyes but Allah is The Fairest of All. It is because each of us was was built with different takdir and capabilities. Different physical, emotional capabilities and Intellectual, but afterall—
Allah who is The Most Knowing and He already told us that this life just simply a test for the eternal life'

---

N: 'I see. A good answer from Islamic prespective, and why some people who suffered a lot while others can live happily?'

D: 'Lives in poverty, terminal illness and struggling in life is definitely a great test but Rasulullah saw said many poor people who are righteous are destined to enter paradise earlier— so the fact they don't get much in this world but still firmly live their life as a good muslim—

Allah always have the best rewards for them hereafters. Being rich with great power also a great test and responsibility. You remember Qarun & Firaun's stories?

And do you remember this ayat? You may dislike something although it is good for you, or like something although it is bad for you: Allah always knows and you do not.

This is where our imaan and faith being tested and may Allah ease us.

N: 'Thank you :) I suka jawapan ni...'

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D: 'Haha takde apalah! Maybe we can move to more simple question like what is your favourite dessert? ^^'

Dhia cuba mengubah topik kearah tajuk yang lebih ringan. Mungkin dapat mengurangkan sedikit 'tekanan' online saat ini. Jarang sekali Dhia berinteraksi dengan topik begini.

N: 'Okay. Mine is waffle ice cream with honey syrup and few slices of banana. You?'

D: 'Hahaha. That's quite specific. Hmm I love hmmm maybe ABC! I don't know. Tak geti sangat makan manis lol! I'm more to savouryyyyy'

N: 'No red beans haha. Tolong tolong'.
          
D: 'Kenapa?? RED BEANS sedap okayyy HAHAHA'

N: 'Tak sorry. haha'

D: 'Btw what should I call you? And I think we're (or maybe I hahaha) having a good conversation here. What do you think?'

N: 'Ya it's good but as long as there are no deep emotions or feeling involves. Or later....'

D: 'Boundaries, safe spaces and wall to protect yourself. Right?'

N: 'How do you..."

D: 'I'm guessing lol..."

N: ' Can we maintained this safe distance if we decided to continue to contact with each other after this?'

D: 'Lemme think first...'

N: 'Janji?'

'Should I or shouldn't I continue with him? What do you actually think and want Dhia?'