behind every summer

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Napaisip ako sa sandaling iyon. Kung sasama ako kay Edevane sa opisina niya, anong susuotin ko? Would I wear the maid dress or will I wear something else? Kung sasabihin sa'kin ni Edevane ngayon na kailangan kong magpalit ng damit, ano ang ipapalit ko? I don't have a suit. I only have a maid dress. Surely, I wouldn't be allowed to enter the working premises as I wore different outfit from the rest of the people.

And similarly, people would talk behind my back, questioning my existence and my relationship with their boss, Edevane. Sigurado rin ako na sasabihan nila akong malandi, bakla, nakakadiri at nakakasuka because of how I dressed up myself. Of course I'm a man, and in the eyes of other people, dressing as though you're a girl is considered wrong. It might be you're displaying yourself as merely homosexual or something else. And of course, if people would say that, they would back away and act as if they're disgust in me.

Ika nga nung naranasan ko noong nag-aaral pa ako, ang tawag ng mga lalaki sa mga bakla, isang virus o bacteria na hindi dapat lapitan o hawakan, at ito ay kailangang puksain. That's why those people who bully people like me or other people who's part of the community will use tactics or violence such as physically hurting them or emotionally damaging them in order for those people to stay away from them.

And its sad, but its true.

That's how society works for people like me, for people who's part of the LGBTQ community.Its hard to dwell normally in the society if you knew you're a homosexual. That's a fact. At maraming mga pagsubok ang madadaanan mo sa buhay. Maraming mga diskriminasyon, panlalait at pang-aapi ang mararanasan mo sa kamay ng mga tao sa paligid mo. Mamanipulahin kalang nila, paglalaruan, hanggang sa maubos ka at wala nang matitira sa'yo. Gagawin nila ang lahat para lang mawala ka. Kapag bakla ka, pinandidiri-an ka ng mga lalaki dahil baka may gagawin kang hindi kaaya-aya sa mga mata nila. Kapag sinusubukan mong hawakan sila ay umiiwas sila. Kapag sinubukan mong makipag-usap sa kanila, minamaliit ka at iiniwanan, niloloko at tinatapon na parang isang basura.

Kapag bakla ka, maraming magmomolestya sa'yong mga tao. They would make fun of you, they'll abuse you until you commit suicide. They won't stop unless they eradicate you.

Kapag bakla ka, asahan mo nalang na kung sakali ay gusto mong magtapik, yumakap, o makipaghand-shake sa mga lalaki ay kaagad silang lalayo sa'yo dahil aakalain nilang gagawan mo sila ng mga bagay na tangin mga babae lang ang kayang gumawa. Kapag bakla ka, ayaw sa'yo ng mundo, ayaw sa'yo ng lahat ng tao, ayaw sa'yo ng pamilya mo.

"I know what you're thinking. You're insecure about yourself whether people would judge you behind how you dress yourself. But lo, don't worry, I have a set of suit that would fit you, just the right size." He said, grinning.

Well, how did he knew what I was thinking? Is it because of my face or my sudden silence? Hmm, its strange.

"How did you know what I was thinking?" I asked him.

He crossed his hands and smiled. "Your eyes says everything. You're scared about something. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip mo, but your eyes tells me that you're being insecure about yourself, about how would people judge you about being who you are, that includes how you dress and how you present yourself." He said.

I move my lips and sighed. He's right.

"Eh kasi naman, pupunta ako sa opisina mo tas makikita ako ng mga tao. Edi syempre diba magtatanong sila sa isa't isa kung sino ako? And I know that things would sparkle in the workplace because of my presence."