Luce di Stella • Kenan Yildiz

Chapter 44: Left Alone

🎶 What Was I Made For? [From The Motion Picture "Barbie"] — Billie Eilish 🎶

When I arrived back at my place, I tried to mentally prepare myself for what was about to go down, and I would lie if I said that I wasn't sweating or trembling all over my body. I heard a key in my apartment door and turned around to see Dean walk inside, he still had his own pair of keys to this place. But he tossed them over to me and I tried to catch them, but failed in my nervousness.

"Figured I should give them back" he said dryly as he sat down on the couch, not even able to look at me. Tears were pricking in my eyes. I had hurt my boyfriend, but I hated myself for the fact that I felt worse about hurting my best friend.
"Don't do this..." I whispered with a shaky voice but he just scoffed and shook his head.
"How many times have we gossiped and laughed about people who cheat? And now you've become one of those losers" he snarled.
"I know that I'm the worst" I whined as I couldn't stop the first tear running down my cheek.

There was a firm knock on my apartment door and Dean immediately stood up to go get it, while I wasn't ready at all for the upcoming confrontation. Dilara came in first, an unreadable expression on her face while Kenan looked pretty much lost like me.
"Can someone finally tell me what the hell this is all about?!" she shouted across the room, slamming her handbag on my dining table.
"You want to confess and man up or continue being the coward you always have been?" Dean asked Kenan, shoving his index finger into his chest.

Kenan looked at the ground and tried opening his mouth, but his throat seemed dry.
"Ok, I'll make it simple then. Those two slept with each other behind our backs" Dean told Dilara, whose jaw dropped.
"You WHAT?! Sex?! All the way?! Not just kissing?!" she almost screamed through the apartment.
"I'm so sorry, Dilara, I..." Kenan started, but knew that every excuse was going to be pathetic anyways. I knew how he felt because I was the same. We screwed up.

"You're sorry?! I'm saving my virginity for you and you thank me for that by sleeping around with some hoes!" she shouted and I woke up from my trance.
"Hey, hey, hey! Calm down here with the degrading words!" I warned her but she just raised her eyebrows at me.
"Oh, and how do you think the betrayed virgin girlfriend should call you? A Saint in your religion?" she spat.

I was about to argue with her, but remembered what our catechism teacher always repeated: He that is without sin, let him first cast a stone at her. She was without sin. And I was the dirty one. She had every right to spit on me and treat me like scum. I covered my face with my hands and felt my wet cheeks onto which the tears kept falling. As if he knew what I was feeling, I felt Kenan move beside me and put his arm on my shoulder, giving me comfort.

"Don't accuse only her. I was just as much a part of this" he said calmly to his fiancée.
"Bullshit, she seduced you. Don't try and play the gentleman by trying to protect her, just because she's your boss" she shot back and my jaw dropped. Who the hell did this girl think she was?!
"Dilara-" Kenan started, but she cut him off.

"No, don't say a word. Our fathers had an agreement and I don't plan on having to admit to all my friends back at home, how much of a failure you turned out to be, just like they had predicted. He's a footballer, He's just moving back for his ex - you know how much shit I had to listen to?! No way I'm going back to that shithole village like a disgraced girl. We'll get married, just like planned. In fact, I feel like we should move the wedding up a year" she said sternly.

"You seriously want to marry a cheater? Because I'm sure as hell dumping her" Dean scoffed and my head turned towards him as my heart broke into a million shatters.
"Well, Dean. It's not exactly like I'm a superstar footballer like you that can find someone new on every street corner. I had one shot at something that took me out of Turkey and I'm sure as hell taking it" Dilara scoffed.
"Well, I'm not going through with it" Kenan spoke up and my heart fluttered. Maybe there was some hope, a light at the end of this tunnel that was collapsing.

"You sure will. Or I'll run to La Repubblica and give them this story - it will sure be a banger" she chuckled and I shook my head at how selfish and evil she was being right now. "Your club and you will be the laughing stock of international football. And if Kenan cares so deeply about you, he sure as hell won't let that happen, right?" she asked in a fake sweet voice as she batted her eyelashes at her fiancé. He tried to find some words again, but failed miserably.

"Good. I think we have settled everything here. Let's go, Kenan. Your parents are waiting at that delicious fish restaurant,... Cucco I believe?" she asked and winked at me. That bitch, that had been one of Kenan and my favourites - we had posted a million Instagram stories from there, back when we were together. Was this girl a fucking stalker?! And his parents were in the city, another problem I would have wanted to avoid.

"I'll try and-" Kenan whispered to me, but he was caught.
"You won't try anything or I'll straight up tell your father. He won't be amused, I bet" she said angrily and I couldn't believe how she was cornering Kenan right now. I was still in shock and only snapped back to reality when I heard my apartment door fall into its lock.

"Dean... You have to help me... That girl's a lunatic!" I whispered and moved closer to try to grab his arm, but he swatted me away and shook his head.
"You lost me, Bea. You were being selfish and you hurt me. I can't stand being around you" he said sternly, but I sure heard his voice trembling a bit.
"No, Dean, don't leave me..." I begged and fell into my knees, like a pathetic little girl.
"You should have thought about that before jumping into bed with who used to be my best friend" he replied before sniffling away a tear and wiping his nose. And then he also left.

Beatrice Agnelli, the girl who had always had everything, all alone in her apartment now, on her knees, left back by everyone who she had loved. I was ruined. I didn't care so much about myself. I had enough money to go live on some lonely island in the Seychelles for the rest of my life. But I cared about my club and about my players, about leaving everything behind in shambles. I cared about Uncle John's trust that I had broken. And I cared about just having lost my best friend, sure of not ever getting him back again.

I had barely learned to survive without Kenan. But now I'd have to learn doing the same, without Dean or him this time.