Forevermore /// Taylor Swift

its not your fault

Taylor and I were still having our talk. I wanted to be anywhere else but here. I wish I was telling the truth, I only really wanted to be near Taylor. That made me want to run more.

"Do you want to talk about your home?" She questioned softly. She looked fearful to even speak of this.

I paused, not ready to open up to her. I wanted her to hug me again, make me feel safe. I knew that was impossible as she can't read minds and I won't ask for one.

"Maybe."

She squeezed my hand, I flinched at the touch of her hand.

"You took the hit for them, didn't you?" Taylor's eyes were full of sadness.

I nodded, "as much as I could."

"It's not your fault." She smiled sadly.

"What?"

"All this. Your home life. Everything. It's not your fault."

She read right through me. I blamed myself everyday for our abuse, especially Theo and Maisie's. I wanted to take their pain away. I'm their older sister I should've taken them away and given them a better childhood.

"You're thirteen, it's not your fault." She continued, "you gave them the best life you could and it wasn't even your job to do so."

"I'm their big sister."

She shook her head, "I know, and you protected them from things you shouldn't have had to protect them from. Your parents, are your parents if you're using that logic."

I shook my head, "they were never our parents, they just gave birth to us."

"You deserve so much more in life."

I shrugged, "we're fine."

"You've said that so many times, it doesn't even sound like a real sentence anymore." Taylor giggled, trying to bring light to the conversation.

"We may get beat sometimes but everything else is fine." I was slightly annoyed by her reaction.

"Havyn, think about what you just said." Her voice came out as a whisper. To me, it was normal. To others, apparently not. I realised how silly I was being, we were never okay. We weren't fine. No kid should have to go through what we went through, more so me. The little two didn't fully understand what went on. They hardly got hurt because I was there to protect them and take the hit for them.

Tears sprung into my eyes, wondering how they could've treated us so badly. We were just kids.

Taylor pulled me into her, lying back on the bed with me in her arms. Whispering sweet nothing into my ear.

"I'm sorry, Tay." I mumbled a whisper through tears.

"It's not your fault." She kissed my head as I fell asleep.

————

I woke up, realising I was still in Taylor's arms as I moved away from her she started to wake up. Her blue eyes stared at me, I couldn't quite make out what she was thinking.

"Sorry." I blurted out.

She made a puzzled expression, before shaking her head smiling again. Wrapping her arms around me, "you're okay, sweet girl."

I'd never experienced this type of nurture before, this love and respect she's showing us. It made me uneasy but I also loved it at the same time. Maybe this is what Maisie and Theo were talking about?

I lent back into her hug, being vulnerable. I hated it. I hated the fact that this could all end. I hated being open towards her, letting her in. When really, all she was doing was healing a part of my inner child. I didn't realise I needed someone like her to care. I didn't realise how much better I slept in the safety of her arms.

"Your social worker is coming over today." Taylor whispered into my hair. As soothing as it was, I felt fear.

I just nodded, looking at the clock. 8.56am. I wondered why my siblings hadn't come through looking for us yet.

"Sorry for falling asleep here." I didn't look at her. I felt embarrassed for staying in her bed. For not leaving appropriately.

"Havie, you can always stay here whenever you need too, alright?"

I nodded, getting up to go and check on the younger two.

"Let me check on them, you need your rest." Taylor smiled, sitting up and rubbing my back.

Reluctantly, I let her. Trying to accept the help that was being provided to me. I sat on her bed, waiting for nothing. I couldn't just sit here, I followed her into the next room. Standing at the doorway, watching her wake them up gently.

"Morning cuties." Taylor smiled as she opened the curtains, before stroking Theo's hair, "hey bubs, time to wake."

He groaned, enjoying the comfort of the bed. Finally, he sat up looking at me blankly. Taylor moved on to wake Maisie, she was already lying awake but wanted the attention Theo got. She stretched out her little arms for me, bypassing Taylor. I was confused but accepted her hug, "hey Mais."

We made our way downstairs for some breakfast, Taylor and I managed to get both of them fed and ready just as the social worker appeared. I opted out of breakfast just to speed things up.

"Hello, my names Sasha." She smiled at me. I just stared blankly, she was probably going to hand me some of the worst news of my life. I wondered what happened with Elena as well, guessing she gave up on us too.

Taylor greeted her and brought her into the living room, we all sat to listen to her.

"I'm here to make sure we put our best hand forward with the three of you," she started, "although we have some tricky things to overcome."

"Like what?" Taylor asked innocently. I knew this was never going to be easy. I figured she just meant finding somewhere for all of us together.

"Well, starting with Havyn has different biological parents on her birth certificate," She paused for a moment, allowing us all to take in this gut wrenching and heartbreaking news. I didn't understand, I was born and raised at that house. Same as my siblings.

"That's wrong." I snapped at her.

"Your birth certificate?" She stifled a laugh, "it's not wrong."

I narrowed my eyes at her, annoyed at her response. Maisie and Theo didn't have a clue what was happening and were sitting playing with some toys on the floor.

"Who's on her certificate?" Taylor replied, she looked scared like she was hiding something or knew something more.

"Until I can provide that information, we need to do a DNA test to make sure it's correct." Sasha retracted on what she was saying earlier. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay?" I questioned, wondering why that was the answer to Taylor's question.

"You'll be placed in another foster home until the results are back."

"What's wrong with here?" I asked, shooting Taylor a look incase she'd changed her mind but she was also nodding towards Sasha, agreeing with my question.

"It's just our policy."

"Policy my ass." I said through gritted teeth.

"Havyn." Taylor warned me. I had dealt with these social workers before, they never had my best interest at heart.

"I don't want Havie to leave." Maddie let a tear slip, I scooped her off the floor onto my knee.

"It'll not be for too long, okay? You'll be fine with taylor." I squeezed her tightly as Theo clung to my leg. It broke my heart seeing them like this.

"So when can I get this test done?"

/// omg Taylor sang IDSB last night ?? I need to go to the last London show😭 trying to release one of these a day is actually getting harder///