Forevermore /// Taylor Swift

Restaurant fear

Tw: disordered eating

Havyns pov
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Taylor's really caught onto my eating habits. I knew they were bad but I always just blamed the fact that we didn't have enough food for me. Not that I didn't want to be fat. I knew I wasn't. I knew I was severely underweight for my age, I just couldn't look at myself after eating a meal. It made me feel sick and greedy. I just couldn't eat without feeling guilty.

Taylor had this great idea that we should go out for dinner to celebrate. Celebrate that i was her daughter. I had no excuse to not go, plus my siblings deserved to go as they had never sat in a restaurant before.

I got ready, putting on some jeans and a nice top. I added a jacket, once I realised you could see my ribs through the top. I sighed at my figure, knowing I could do nothing about it.

"Havie!" I heard Taylor call from downstairs. I walked down to see them all at the door, waiting for me. Maisie had the cutest little dress on, one with daisies all over it. I smiled at them.

"Ready?" Taylor asked, taking Maisie and Theo's hands.

I nodded, following them out the door and to the car. Theo and Maisie got in the back row, while Taylor and I sat in the middle row. My leg started to bounce anxiously as I thought of all the calories I was about to be forced to consume. I bit my nails, trying to take my mind off what we were about to do.

Taylor placed her hand on my knee, rubbing her thumb slowly. I shivered at the unexpected contact, I looked over to her. She was staring out the window, I felt seen.

Realising I didn't want to feel seen before we headed into a restaurant, meaning Taylor was onto me. She knew I was struggling with food and that scared the hell out of me. I zoned out the rest of the way there as Theo and Maisie were having their own conversation. Taylor's hand never left its spot on my leg, until we arrived.

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We all sat down, I sat opposite to Taylor and Theo with Maisie. Dividing the little ones between us. I scanned the menu for any sort of low calorie meal. Both Theo and Maisie settled for some chicken tenders and fries as I started to panic, reading the entire menu. I felt my breathing speed up, it was out of control. I did not need a panic attack, not here not right now.

"Hey," I felt a hand on mine, "breathe with me."

I nodded, letting a tear slip. I quickly wiped it away. Who knew a menu could give someone so much fear?

"I'll order for you." Taylor spoke in a lower tone, just so I could hear it. I nodded, unable to speak as I was trying to recover. Taylor had just saved me from a full blown panic attack in the middle of the restaurant.

Maisie and Theo had started to colour in on their kids menus, and Taylor was talking to me. I couldn't focus on what she was saying, everything was spinning in my brain. I excused myself to the bathrooms.

I slid down the door of the cubicle, regaining my breath. I just needed a minute, I had no idea what Taylor was ordering for me. That thought scared me. How many calories?

I just sat in a ball for the next ten minutes before coming out and washing my hands. As I was walking over to the table again, I noticed the waiter leaving.
The damaged had been done.

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A little while later, our food arrived. I looked a my plate, a burger with a side salad. Taylor had the same infront of her as well, panicking I picked at the salad. Knowing there was little to no calories in lettuce.

"Why aren't you eating your burger?" Theo asked innocently.

"I am." I mumbled, taking the smallest bite possible. I noticed Taylor watching my every move. I knew I couldn't eat the whole thing, my stomach wouldn't be able to handle it anyway.

I knew we weren't leaving until I'd at least eaten half of it. I slowly chewed on the same small mouthful for ages, hiding some of the burger under the salad. I also let Maisie try it when Taylor was busy with Theo, discussing some fire fighter thing.

Once it looked like I had eaten some of the burger, I set it down happy with my success.

"Havyn eat some more please." Taylor asked me nicely. Fear shot through me again, I didn't expect her to catch on.

"I'm full."

"You've hardly ate, come on." She smiled, "it's okay."

Slowly, I stared at the burger like it was staring back at me. Wishing I could be anywhere else but her right now. I took another bite, bigger this time. Scared of the impact. Taylor was still watching me, encouraging me to keep eating. When she finally looked away, I had eaten most of the burger.
I hated her for this.

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We arrived home, I went straight upstairs to put the little two in bed. Feeling guilty and anxious, my stomach felt full which was uncomfortable. I made my way to my room, curling into a ball. That's when I felt it, I ran to the bathroom. Throwing up the entire burger, I felt someone hold my hair and rub my back.

Taylor knew and that terrified me.

After I was done being sick, I lent against the wall. Feeling sorry for myself, I was glad I was sick but I knew my insides were so fucked up that I couldn't even stomach a burger.

Taylor sat next to me, "we're going to get you some help, sweet girl."

"I'm fine." I said through gritted teeth.

"Honey, you're starving yourself." She tucked my hair behind my ear, "you deserve to eat."

I just sat, staring at the wall. Wanting everything to just stop.

/// hope you enjoy! Trying to publish as quick as possible before I head back to uni! Should I add Travis into the story?///