Forevermore /// Taylor Swift

Not again.

Havyns pov
————

I woke up in the hospital, my head was spinning and my right arm was in agony. I realised I had a tube down my throat as I scanned the room for anyone to help me. My eyes landed on Taylor, her hand was on mine and her chin was rested on both of them.

"Mmm." I choked on the tube, unable to breathe.

"Havie?" She jumped up, shouting for a nurse to help as she stroked my forehead. The nurse came and took the tube out, allowing me to gasp for air.

"What happened?" I whispered croakily.

"Can you not remember?" Taylor looked concerned as she sat down next to me.

"He took me." My eyes filled with tears. The man had taken me in a place I felt safe.

Taylor nodded, "he hurt you really badly. Your arm is broke and you lost a lot of oxygen." Taylor's voice broke as she replayed the events of what I'd been through.

I nodded, remembering everything slowly, "I want to go home."

"I know, baby." She whispered to me, kissing my temple.

————

Over the next few days, Travis and Taylor took turns to come and sit with me. Sometimes they brought Theo and Maisie in as well, it was just so hard to look at the happy family that wanted me knowing all of this pain was now damaging them as well. I knew it wasn't my fault but I couldn't help but feel guilty. I had security at my door at all times, allowing me to feel slightly safer. The only time I fully felt safe was when Travis or Taylor stayed the night. I struggled sleeping, the flashbacks woke me up at night and the darkness reminded me of that small storage room.

"Hey gorgeous girl." Taylor walked into the room towards me. I glanced over at her, ignoring her. I hated that I had to stay here for a days on end, hated that this had happened to me. I didn't blame Taylor whatsoever, but I was filled with this rage and anger that consumed me constantly. The only person I could take it out on was Taylor, as much as I didn't want to. Part of me, just wanted to be alone and the other part wanted to be held and never let go.

"How are you today, Haves?" She asked, blatantly ignoring my attitude.

"Leave me alone." I rolled over, facing away from her.

"Havyn?" Her voice had a tint of surprise on it.

I didn't answer her, why did everything have to happen to me?

"Do you want me to leave?" Her voice was gentle, obviously understanding my tone.

I shook my head softly as a tear slipped down my cheek. I heard her sit in the chair in the corner, probably on her phone. We stayed in silence for a few hours, before I turned to look at her. She was sitting in a daydream, no sight of her phone. I caught her eye, she knew I couldn't stay mad at her for long.

"Hungry?"

I shook my head, not wanting to speak. She didn't push it,

"Cuddle?"

I took a minute to think about it, I did want a cuddle. I wanted to feel the safety of Taylor's hold, we just stared at each other waiting for my response.

I nodded very slowly, granting her permission to come over to me. She got up swiftly, climbing in beside me. Making sure that my arm was okay in its cast. As soon as she was there, I gripped onto her shirt resting my head on her chest. Sobbing into her, never wanting her to leave.

She stroked my hair and held me close, allowing me to be vulnerable. I held onto her, hating every inch of myself. Taylor just repeatedly kissed the top of my head as she whispered sweet nothings into my hair.

I knew she still blamed herself for all of my trauma. It was the one thing that she would take away in a heartbeat if she could. I hated that she felt it was her fault, she did what was best for me at the time. We all knew that and she's now doing what's best for me again.

Part of me wondered what my life would've been like growing up with Taylor as my mom. Would I be happy right now? Trauma free? Would our relationship be different?

I figured it would, mainly because I wouldn't be struggling so much with all of this pain. We'd probably have a good mother daughter relationship, one where you can count on each other. I knew if I'd had grown up with Taylor I would've felt safe all my life. I wouldn't know about the bad people in life as I'd grown up in this happy little bubble. I thought about the happy little bubble for a moment, realising the paparazzi came with it. This happened because of Taylor career, this is why she thought she was protecting me all those years ago. I realised she was going to blamed herself for this too.

————

A few hours later, Taylor and I hadn't moved from our position. I glanced up at her, noticing her eyes were closed. She looked exhausted, realising this is definitely taking its toll on her as well. She's trying to be a full time mom to my siblings, her career and now me? The guilt ate away at me, thinking how I was dragging her down with me.

Her arm was across my chest, holding me close to her. I slowly drew circles on her wrist, trying to take my mind off my anxiety and guilt.

"Haves." I heard a whisper from above me. I shifted my gaze up to her, catching her blue eyes looking right at me. I could see a light in her eyes, one that was always there when she looked at the three of us.

"Are you feeling better?" She stroked her thumb over my cheek.

I nodded, "are you?"

Her face looked puzzled at my question, "what do you mean?"

"You're going through this too." My voice was almost a whisper, struggling to get my words out.

She pulled my head towards her chest, "if you're okay so am I."

I felt her kiss the top of my head as I loosened my grip on her shirt, after realising I still had a fist full of it.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled into her. She cupped my face into her hands.

"None of this is your fault, Havyn. I don't want to hear you say that, okay?" Her tone was stern but her face seemed soft and loving.

I nodded as we sat in silence again.

"What would you have called me if you kept me?" I didn't know where the sudden urge to ask this question came from.

"Winnie."

/// sorry this is so late out! I've uni this week😭///