Forevermore /// Taylor Swift

Toast

Havyns pov
————

I caught Taylor's eye as she came to the stool beside me, "you've got this, Havie."

I nodded slowly, the quicker I did it the quicker it was all over. My emotions were high and my anxiety was off the scale. My knee bounced and my heart raced. Taylor sat and munched on her toast as support.

I raised it to my lips, which trembled at the touch of it. Taking a bite slowly, chewing and swallowing. I looked at the bite mark on the toast, it was bigger than a nibble. I took another one, before looking at Taylor. She had a proud look on her face, rubbing my back as I made my way through the toast. I was trying not to think about it, trying to zone out and just finish it.

"You can take your time, sweet girl, we've got all day." Taylor said, stroking my hair.

I nodded, halfway done. My hands shook slightly as I set the rest on the plate. I couldn't look taylor in the eye.

"You're doing so well." Taylor was smiling at me, her toast was long gone.

"Tay, I feel sick." I whispered, hating being this vulnerable.

She got me some water and just rubbed my back, I put my head on her shoulder.

"Thank you."

I built up the courage to try again, I didn't want to make taylor sit here forever. I paused before picking it back up and starting again. The cycle continued of fear, pain and anxiety while I finished the second half.

As soon as it was gone, I turned to Taylor and broke down. She pulled me onto her lap, squeezing me tightly as I cried. All this for a slice of toast.

"I'm so proud of you." Taylor whispered about something so small, about a slice of toast.

I just snuggled into her, my head on her chest. No one's ever said those words to me before on anything, the words comforted me in ways I didn't know existed. I knew if I was going to survive this recovery, Taylor was the person that could get me through it. Worry seeped through me, incase I was too much for her.

"If I'm too much, if you can't keep doing this with me. I understand." I whispered.

She sighed as if I wasn't listening to her, I was. I just didn't trust her words.

"Baby," she shook her head gently, "we're going to get through this together, alright?"

I nodded, still clinging onto her tightly.

———

A few hours later, Taylor and I had retreated to the couch, watching a movie. She had ordered pizza for dinner, just before the little two would return from their day trip with Andrea.

Taylor opened the door. Here we go again. She set the boxes down, continuing the movie as she passed each of us a slice. This time she didn't watch me, she just cuddled up to me munching away. I slowly copied her, zoning myself out. Forgetting the thoughts in my head, focusing on the movie.

After about thirty minutes, I realised I had eaten three slices. I turned to Taylor, smiling slightly at my achievement. She hugged me close, "you're doing so well."

I knew it would be a long road to recover but I knew Taylor wouldn't leave my side. I really think that pulled me through today. I'm not going to lie, the thought of food and calories still terrify me but today I tackled toast and pizza. I could do this slowly.

The door burst open, snapping me out of my thoughts. My siblings ran in happily, "Havie! Taylor!"

I smiled at them, Theo came and sat in my lap. As Taylor scooped Maisie up onto hers, "how was your day?"

They all started discussing what they had done with andrea. Taylor had her hand on mine, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles as she provided full attention to Maisie, who was explaining what they saw at the zoo. Theo was just leaning against me, quietly.

"You okay bub?" I whispered to him, he nodded slowly.

"Tired?" He nodded again. I forget that he's not use to doing much during the day. Back home we use to sit and watch movie or play board games all day. The furthest we'd go was the park for a few hours, they'd been out since 7am. I rubbed Theo's back gently as he let out a yawn. It was 7.30pm, I stood up with him as Taylor copied with Maisie.

We sang safe and sound to them before switching the light off. It had become a nightly ritual that Taylor and I would duet it for them. It was the only time I felt inner peace, hearing our two voice combine naturally with a strum from Taylors guitar every now and then.

Afterwards we wandered out into the hallway, towards our own rooms. I smiled at Taylor before getting ready for bed, slipping under my own covers.

Taylor peered around my door, "hey."

"Hey." I smiled back at her, wondering what she was doing. I would've thought after the events of today, she would've wanted or needed some time away from me. I was just added stress on her.

"I just wanted to check in, how are you feeling?" She sat on the end of my bed, staring into my eyes with her bright blue ones.

"I'm okay," I smiled, "really I am."

She nodded, "I don't want you to feel alone, Havie."

"I know, I have you." She squeezed my hand, standing up.

"You know, you have us as well." I added, she wasn't alone either as much as she feels she needs to be there for all of us, I'm there for her too.

She smiled as she lent against my door, "thanks, Havie."

She just stood there for a moment, lost in thought. I wondered if the nights I spent with her in her room healed her a little as well. If she needed it more than she let on.

"You can stay here, if you want to." I mumbled loud enough for her to hear, I was being open and vulnerable again. What if she said no?

She looked back up into my eyes, a small smile crept onto her face, "are you sure?"

I nodded, moving over for her to join me. She climbed under the sheets, facing me. We just stared at each other, happy for the company. I squeezed her hand, which was lying just beside her chest. Her other arm was supporting her head as she let go of my hand. I seized up slightly, feeling abandoned by something so small. Before I could protest, she wrapped it around me pulling me closer to her. I snuggled into her chest, feeling her rub my back and kiss my forehead.

Maybe Taylor being my biological parent wasn't such a bad thing? Maybe she needed me as well?

————
Taylor's pov

I pulled Havyn closer to me, needing a hug more than I realised. Everything had been so busy lately and I hadn't had a moment to just stop and see what was going on around me. I loved having the three of them here, they were the best addition to my life. I didn't realise how much trauma they all carried with them from that family, I completely understand it though. I knew I had to be there for each of them, together and individually. Seeing Havyn starting to recover by eating the piece of toast this morning really showed me how much she had grown and how comfortable she was here. I smiled, stroking her hair softly.

Havyn was fast asleep beside me, I just snuggled into her. I never thought I'd be able to get to know my baby and here I was with her in my arms. We may have lost thirteen years, which breaks my heart, but we have gained each other right when we both needed it. I remembered that Travis would be coming home from his football training in KC. I hadn't even told them about him. Panic raced through me as I knew bringing someone new into their lives so soon could cause some damage.

/// I had some writers block writing this one. What do you think about Travis joining the family? If you have any other ideas you'd like me to add, let me know!! xx///