The One Who Stares Behind

KABANATA 42

The vacation is finally over, and I’m grateful for the new memories I’ve made. Ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam na marami kang mababalikan na ala-ala. It amazes me how they can bring joy, nostalgia, or even pain, but they all contribute to the mosaic of our lives. They are all worth-keeping.

"Ghorl, what's the chika na?"

"Not gonna spill anything, Debbie."

"Ang damot damot mo talaga, Zafh! Gusto ko lang naman malaman kung anong real score ninyo ni Mr. Rosetti!" Muntik na akong mabulunan sa iniinom kong kape sa sinabing yun ni Debbie.

"Alam mo Debbie, tigilan mo na yan. Makikita mo rin naman. Right, Zafhyrna?" inirapan ko na lamang si Lynne.

Ayokong mag-kwento. Tiyak na hindi kami matatapos kung sakali.

I heard Anne sighed. " Such a boring day indeed." Walang pasabing lumabas ito ng pinto.

"Pumasok na nga lang tayo. Hindi binabayaran ng mga magulang ang tuition natin dito para chumismis."

Yun lang at kanya-kanya na silang nagalisan para pumasok sa kani-kanilang klase.

Sinadya ko na lamang na ako ang huling lumabas ng kwarto namin. Medyo tinatamad pa talaga akong pumasok.

"Hi, Miss." When I turned around, I saw his handsome face.

"Hello, Mr." I smiled at him.

"Shall we?"

"Is it okay if I talk to Xandrev first?"

"I'll come with you."

"No, no, it's okay. It's fine. I'll be fine."

"Are they together now?"

"They do look good together, though."

He touched my cheek, and it made me stop."Girlfriend na kita. " Natawa ako sa iniasta nito.

"Bakit? Hindi ka ba naniniwala?"

"Convince me?"

In a snap, I kissed him on the cheek and smiled sarcastically. "Hmm, are you convinced now?"

"Parang kulang pa." Umirap ako dito.

"See you later, Lexus." Pagpapaalam ko dito at tsaka naglakad palayo. Ngunit nang lingunin ko ito ay hindi man lang ito umalis sa kanyang pwesto at matama lamang nakatingin sa akin.

Napailing na lamang ako. Gwapo talaga.

I was walking down the corridor when I noticed someone familiar, though I couldn’t place where or when I’d seen him before. Now, he's chatting with a group of people, clearly trying to blend in.

Our eyes met, and he smirked. What the—

"Siann,"

"Michael," naiilang kong tugon dito.

"Iniiwasan mo ba ako?"

Umiling ako dito. "Hindi, Michael. I just remembered the last time we talked."

"Kamusta ka?"

"I'm fine. Hinahanap ko lang si Xandrev. "

It feels great that I'm no longer nervous when we're talkng like this. It's a relief that I can stay calm now.

"I broke the engagement."

My lips slightly parted in surprise." El, if it is because—"

"No, Siann. This has nothing to do with you. It was a mutual decision between us. "

Tumango ako. "Mukhang okay ka na. Okay ka na ba talaga?"

Ngumiti ito. "The unfiltered truth?"

I froze as I remembered that moment with El, where he confessed his feelings and I just walked away. It's painful to think about how I hurt him. I don’t fully understand what happened. It just came over me suddenly. Does this make me a bad person?

"Michael—"

"I'm not over you, Siann. I don’t think I will be today or tomorrow. But I don’t want to lose you from my life. I’ve liked you since the day I met you. There are just things I needed to deal with first, and I realize now that was a mistake I can’t accept. I lost you in the process."

"You’ve become a part of my life too, El. I’m always grateful for the stolen moments and time we shared together."

Nagkatinginan kami at sabay na natawa.

Dahil lahat ng iyon ay hindi nalaman ng kahit sino, at nananariling lihim sa pagitan namin. Ngunit hindi maitatanggi na sa mga panahon na iyon, kapwa kaming naging masaya. At wala akong naging pagsisi.

But that’s where it ends.

"I’m still in love with those smiles, Siann. Damn, how can I ever forget them?"

"You're crazy, El." Pagtataray ko dito.

"Friends?" Tiningnan ko ang kamay nitong nakalahad sa akin. Tinanggap ko ito at ngumiti. "Definitely friends."

"Kapag sinaktan ka niya, nandito lang ako. I will let you use me."

"Siraulo ka."

"Definitely not kidding."

. . .

Michaelson and I are still friends, and I can sense he’s moving on. I feel relieved. I just want him to find his own happiness because I’ve found mine.

Lexus Rogue.

I saw Xandrev from a distance, chatting with some guys. He seemed fine. He didn’t even offer me a ride and let me drive to school alone. He’s really a jerk. When I told our parents about it, they just gave me apologetic looks and told me to be patient with him.

Nang tuluyan akong makalapit dito ay kitang kita ang pagbabago ng timpla ng mukha niya. Na parang may ginawa akong hindi maganda sa kanya. Mukhang malapit na dahil sobra sobra na ang pagsisinuplado nito sa akin.

"Here's your beautiful sister, Xandrev. Ipakilala mo naman kami!"

"Oo nga!"

"Back off, assholes. What are you doing here?" Ngayon naman ay tinapunan ako ng tingin. He is now wearing a face. He's now wearing that face he used to put on when he was with those whores.

"Can we talk?" I asked him.

"Ano bang sasabihin mo na hindi nila pwedeng marinig?" I clenched my fist without realizing it. My head is starting to heat up. Talaga bang sinusubukan ako nito?

Seryoso ko itong pinukol ng tingin. Really, in front of these guys?

"Pare, we can leave. Don’t be too harsh on her." Akmang aalis na ang mga ito nang maramdaman ang nabubuong tensyon sa pagitan namin ngunit pinigilan ito ni Xandrev. "No, you two are not leaving."

"But bro—"

"I’d appreciate it if you’d give us some time to talk," sabat ko na ikinatango naman nila.

"The fuck! I said you’re staying."

"Fine, Xandrev Ross! Is this what you want? What’s really wrong with you? You’ve become such a jerk since you came back. You’re being a complete asshole. I’m so tired of always checking up on you. I want to know what’s going on in your head because it frustrates me that you’re not talking to me and treating me like I’m invisible.. Damn air." There I said it.

Nakakainis. Tumalikod na ako sa mga ito nang walang nakuhang magsalita pa sa kanila. Nasabi ko na. Dapat ay gumaan na ang pakiramdam ko, pero parang kabaliktaran yata ang nangyari.

"Get your hands off," sabi ko nang maramdaman ko ang paghawak nito sa palapulsuhan ko.

"I said, get your hands off." Ngunit mas lalo pa nitong hinigpitan ang hawak nito.

"Ano ba?" Hinila ko ang kamay ko mula sa kanya ngunit nabigo ako.

"Careful, Zafhyrna." Yun lang ang sinabi niya bago binitawan ang palapulsuhan ko.

Peke akong natawa. "Mukha ba akong joke sayo, Xandrev? Thanks for your fake concern, brother."