Bunga Terlarang

Dari Satya

January 11, 2020
Today I saw a woman whose face reminded me of a flower.
The wind tickled her hair into a messy bundle.
Those beauty moles spread around her face.
And the pair of eyes that lit up like a crescent moon as the sound of her laughter echoed like a beautiful symphony.
She was like a rare flower people could only look at and admire from across the garden

January 25, 2020
That flower has a name.
Gianna Anastasya.
She goes by Nana. Cute, isn't she?

January 31, 2020
She was there again. Sitting on the bench with two kids. Laughing while occasionally acting like she was scolding them.
Little did she know that her dramatic action failed miserably.
That's not how you make an angry face, Gianna.

February 10, 2020
Apparently, she is way younger than I thought. Twenty.
She was like a flower that just bloomed in spring.

February 14, 2020
Apparently, I got a flower for this year's Valentine from none other than the flower itself.
She walked with that smile of hers that could light the world. She bent her body, shielding the sun from my eyes, as she took my hand without asking my permission or looking at my face.
"Happy Valentine."
That was the first time I heard her voice. Just as smooth as I imagined during the time sleep was nowhere to be found.
"That girl over there likes you. Make sure to smile at her, okay?"
Then she left just like that as if what she did was nothing big. As if she didn't just ruin my fucking life in a single moment.

March 14, 2020
A month and that flower's name remained engraved in my memory.
Every step and each turn I took, she was in my mind.
All those sleepless nights were spent dreaming and longing for something I always thought was impossible.
That flower was like a drug.
Getting deeper into my system, and refusing to leave me alone. She got me addicted without wanting a cure.

May 31, 2020
Her name is still deep in my mind.
Not a single second passed without having her face popped into my head.
She is way more dangerous than I thought.

July 28, 2020
Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna, Gianna
God lord, I am pathetic.

August 17, 2020
I went to see her again despite knowing how bad the after-effects would be.
The pain was worth it.
Looking at her being so happy with simple things brings joy no other could explain.

October 10, 2020
I am addicted to her and I don't even have her, yet.
This small interest has evolved into a dangerous obsession.
She'd be in great problems if a family member found out about my secret.

October 15, 2020
Apparently, staying away has been proven useless.
Every day I long for her even more.
Fuck, I sound so creepy.

January 01, 2021
Happy New Year, my little flower.

January 30, 2021
Fucking hell.
There are a lot of places I imagined to introduce myself to you, but my family's home isn't one of them. Especially, since you came as my cousin's wife.

March 17, 2021
This note has come to an end.
There is no more reason to pin over someone's wife.
The feeling is still there, but no one shall know about them.
Maybe...just maybe, I'd be able to scrap you out of my mind.

December 31, 2021
Gianna...my little flower has lost her spark.

March 20, 2022
She is free.
I should forget about this feeling.
I should let her fly away from my family.
I should embrace the fact that I'd spent the rest of my life longing for her.

April 20, 2022
It only took me a month to open this note again.
Here I am, still with the same feeling.
I am not a firm believer in fate, but if we met again by chance, I'd take it as a sign to make her mine.

October 10, 2026
Four years have passed since the last note.
I am here again to write that the woman of my dreams has become my wife.
She is sleeping soundly with our son beside her.
This might sound a little cheesy, but I'll write it anyway.
I hope those who keep their love hidden will somehow manage to end their story with happiness.