When the Sun and Stars Unite (Jegulus Oneshots)

Insufferable (Part 3/3)

Regulus stares at the fuming mug in front of him.

He spent a few hours pacing, taking deep breaths, and thinking about going into James' room just to talk, tell him he's deeply sorry and that he made a mistake, and reassure him about– what, really? Regulus wasn't even sure. His mind knew a few points he absolutely had to go over, but the rest was a confusing tangled plot of thoughts, and it was difficult to try to organize them to explain himself to another person. So he didn't. Regulus tried lying down, he then settled at his desk, studying, but couldn't focus. In the end, he just went to the living room to watch some tv.

It's the second time they end up like this, the first one being an actual fight, and this doesn't feel much different, seeing that Regulus has the same anxiety gripping his throat, and the same feeling of having messed it up with James badly.

The guy had been drunk. Regulus was a terrible friend for letting him do something he clearly didn't want. James had been tired, upset, almost sick. And the only thing Regulus did before stopping him, way too late, was enjoy James' warmth on his face, his lips brushing on his eyebrows and his nose pressing on the skin of his neck.

Regulus closes his eyes. He knew it. He fucking knew it. There was a reason why he never let his gaze linger on James too long, or his thoughts go in a dangerous way. It was because Regulus knew he would have felt differently after.

Which means, how he is feeling now.

He sets his elbows on the edge of the counter, running his hands on his face and then through his hair.

He needs to get a grip. Apologize to James while he gives him his tea he already made, and then go on with his life without making a big deal out of nothing. Stop overthinking about how dangerous it could be to form a crush on his brother's best friend who also happens to be his roommate and just forget about everything to prevent it from happening. Too late, a little voice in his head reminds him, but he pushes it back. It would be the end of his mental peace, it would overthrow their balance, make things awkward, and ruin the tentative but nice friendship they built in the last weeks. He can't let that happen. Regulus can't.

"Morning," a groggy voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He straightens, glancing at the side where James is coming in from his bedroom, scratching the side of his head and yawning. Regulus feels himself frown when he sees that James is smiling.

"Morning," he says, but it comes out more like a question. "How are you feeling?"

James shrugs. "Better than I thought, actually. My head pounds and– is that for me? Oh, thank you, Reg. You're lovely," he grabs his mug. "But yeah, fine. Feel like I got half an hour of sleep. You?"

Regulus tries to mask his now very obvious frown. "Oh, I'm good. Tired, but I didn't drink much last night, so.."

James nods, settling with his hips against the stove while he sips on his tea. "So, what are your plans today?"

Okay. So they are not– going to mention it?

Regulus swallows, trying to remember what his plans are. Somehow, his mind was convinced that the moment James came out, they would talk about what happened. James would scream at him and Regulus would beg for his forgiveness. Then the older man would eventually forgive him because he's good like that, and they would move on from the disastrous way the night ended. Regulus could forget about what he felt when James kissed him and spend the rest of his days trying to look for that feeling with someone else.

"I– uhm. I have class in one hour. Then later I'm going to see Dorcas at the library, and then I'm coming back here, I guess."

James hums. "That class with the jerk professor? You turned the paper in last week, didn't you?"