The Space Between

Chapter 22 : A Return to the Past

I sat in my dorm room, staring at the message from Mateo on my phone: "Can we talk? I need to discuss something important with you." My heart sank. The thought of facing yet another difficult conversation felt overwhelming. I knew I needed to step away from everything for a while.

I quickly typed back, "I’m sorry, Mateo. I can't see anyone right now. I’m taking a day off to clear my head. Heading back home to Canada. I just need some time to myself." Hitting send, I took a deep breath, feeling a faint sense of relief.

I packed a small bag, my mind racing. The idea of going home, to the familiar and comforting space of my family, was the only thing that seemed right. Before leaving, I sent a message to Graham, apologizing for missing the project presentation and letting him know he would need to handle it alone. I wished him luck and promised to catch up with him later.

As I stepped into the cab, I glanced back at the campus. Mateo stood in the distance, watching me leave. I couldn’t bring myself to face him. I knew that taking this time away was what I needed. The chaos of recent events had been too much.

The flight to Canada felt like a journey to another world. When I landed and saw my parents waiting for me, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. My mother and father enveloped me in a warm, comforting hug.

“Mom, Dad,” I said, my voice trembling. “It’s so good to be home.”

We drove back to our family home, and soon I was sitting at the kitchen table with them, sipping coffee. I poured out everything: the stress of college, the anxiety attacks, Derek’s return, and the recent issues with Ethan.

Their shock was palpable. “Sophia, we had no idea you’ve been struggling with anxiety for so long,” my mother said gently. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

I looked down, feeling a mix of guilt and relief. “I didn’t want to burden you with my problems. I thought I could handle it on my own.”

My father placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Sweetheart, it’s important to seek professional help when you’re struggling. You shouldn’t have to handle this alone. We’re here for you, and we want you to get the support you need.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I need therapy right now. I just need some time off. Being here with you, away from the pressure, is what I need.”

They nodded, understanding. “We’re happy to have you back,” my mother said, “and we’ll support you in whatever you decide.”

Feeling a bit lighter, I spent the next few days reconnecting with childhood friends and playing with the neighborhood kids. The simplicity of my old neighborhood brought me some peace. Despite the calm, I couldn’t shake the guilt I felt over Derek. I hoped he could find some peace as well.

Eventually, I decided to visit Derek’s home. After so many years, I felt compelled to apologize to his mother. I drove up to the house, my heart pounding. As I was about to get out of the car, doubt crept in. Maybe this was a mistake.

Just as I was about to drive away, Derek’s mother appeared at the door. Her eyes widened in surprise and joy. “Sophia! It’s so good to see you!”

I stepped out of the car, swallowing hard. “Hi, Mrs. Kane. I… I came to apologize.”

She ushered me inside and offered me a cup of coffee. As we settled into the living room, I began to explain, “I know it’s been a long time, and I’ve been carrying a lot of guilt for what happened. I just wanted to say how sorry I am for everything.”

Derek’s mother listened attentively, her expression gentle. “Sophia, it’s kind of you to come and say that. But you must know, it’s not entirely your fault. I did blame you for a while, but that was my grief speaking. Derek’s struggles were his own, and he needed time to deal with them. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that blaming you was unfair.”

I looked at her, surprised. “But how could you not blame me? I was the one who let the intruder in. I feel like I’ve been a burden.”

She shook her head. “At first, when Derek was at his lowest, I was angry and didn’t know who else to blame. But with time, I realized that placing blame on you didn’t help anyone. It only made things harder. I saw how much you were suffering and how you tried to cope with everything on your own. That’s not something to be blamed for.”

I felt a tear slip down my cheek. “I’ve been so torn up about all of this. I thought maybe if I could apologize, it would help.”

Derek’s mother reached over and took my hand. “It’s kind of you to think that way, and I appreciate your effort. But you should also understand that we’re all in a better place now. Derek is working on his own path to healing, and we’re all trying to move forward. Your apology is heartfelt, but you need to forgive yourself too.”

I nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and sadness. “Thank you for understanding. I just wanted to make things right.”

She smiled warmly. “It’s good to see you, Sophia. I’ll talk to Derek, and I hope he can find a way to understand that it wasn’t your fault. But for now, take care of yourself and know that you’re not alone.”

As I left Derek’s home, I felt a renewed sense of peace. I had taken a step toward healing old wounds and was ready to face whatever came next with my family’s support and a clearer mind.