She'll never love me the same

No we're just friends

TRIGGER WARNING SELF HARM MENTIONED AND DESCRIBED⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

comment if u need clarification same old same old byeeeee enjoy!❤️

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Xolani pov:

We walk into the house take our stuff off then I walk to the kitchen upstairs and to eat my food. I got chipotle I love chipotle so much. But once I sat down I was hungry anymore.. I just put my food in the fridge and started making my way back downstairs so I could shower and change.

Of course on my way down I bump into Gisellana "where you going, where's your food" I attempted to walk past her but she grabbed onto my hair stopping me. "Let me the fuck go Gisellana." She knew I didn't like ppl grabbing on me especially my hair.
"im sorry that's just the first thing I saw can u answer my question now?" She got me so fucked up. "I'm going to shower damn" she went to say something else to me but I tuned her out and went downstairs. I walked into her room went to my bag grabbed pjs put the on her bed then went to grab panties and a sports bra and my sports bra decided to play hide and seek with me so now I'm just in my own world and thoughts. Then all of the sudden I feel a stinging sensation on my ass which kinda felt good so I accidentally slipped out a small moan the quickly covered my mouth because girl you are a nasty freak and why would I do that... I turn around standing up just to be met with a smirk on Gisellana's face, I didn't even hear her come in. "Why the fuck would you do that bro". "You like it so what's the issue" . I simply rolled my eyes looked in my bag again only for my sports bra to be on the floor next to it. She's been so touchy lately and let's not forget that kiss. I miss her lips, anyways I then took my clothes off her bed and walked to her bathroom which was connected to her room. I set my clothes out and realized I didn't bring my shirt in with me. Great now I have to walk out in my sports bra. I've always been scared of what Gisellana thought about me especially my weight. What if she didn't think I'm pretty enough... I'm scared of rejection. Yes she kissed me first but she was high.

I'm so self conscious of my stomach. It'll never be flat I've tried everything. I took my shirt off looking in the mirror "I'm just gonna be fat forever." I don't even know why I thought she'd ever like me. She'll never love me the same.

My chest started getting tight and got that feeling where I didn't wanna do anything anymore. Like I couldn't feel anything, like I couldn't breathe. I needed the feeling to go away.

I looked around for anything sharp. I hate that this is happening here. But I need this feeling to go away. I wanna feel anything but this. Feeling like I'm not enough, like I'll never be pretty enough.

I found a razor on her bathroom counter the blade was loose so I just pulled it out. I hesitated for a bit but made a cut the white flesh becoming more apparent on each slit I made. Tiny Blood streams dripping down arm staining my bare Carmel legs. Finally feel some relief that tight pain in my chest finally going away. I wiped off my arm then cleaned off the blade with rubbing alcohol cleaned up the floor, then got in the hot shower. The water hitting my arms feeling like acid bringing regret to my mind.

"I do this every time and regret it almost instantly" I took a quick shower since it was uncomfortable. I washed twice then got out I didn't feel like washing my face in the shower. I got out dried my body off, turned off the shower, and put on the clothes I brought in the bathroom with me.

I remembered I had my pen in my pants pockets so I grabbed it took 5 long drags and put it in my sports bra since my pj pants had no pockets. I washed my face. I didn't brush my teeth yet because I knew I would eat my food. I tied down my hair grabbed my clothes that I had worn took a look around making sure I didn't leave anything. I looked at my phone realizing I had been in the bathroom for over an hour so it was now 8:15 pm. I peeked out of the bathroom to see if Gisellana was in the room, which she was, she was just sleeping.

So I quietly went into my bag and folded up the clothes I had just worn to the side then got a hoodie to cover up my arms since the shirt on her bed was short-sleeve. After I put on my hoodie I grab my phone and go upstairs to eat my food. I take it out of the fridge and heat it up.

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xoxo 🎀