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— dear, seong haewon. "you, angel, were ephemeral."
.𖥔 ݁˖ nicole's radio station is now playing...
my love mine all mine • mitski "moon, tell me if i could send up my heart to you?"
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Dear, Seong Haewon. Writing this is hard. I wish I didn't have to, and I wish this was all just a bad dream—one I'd wake up from to find you still here, at my side.
It took me a while to get over everything; to get over the loss of you. And in all honesty, I'm nowhere near done grieving you. I've just come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I pray to God, you will not return.
Part of me feels angry with you. I'm frustrated that you would do that to yourself. When it all happened, I was really mad. I thought it was selfish of you to do that to yourself; to leave me here all alone.
I'm sorry for the nights you had to see, if you were watching over me. The nights I lost myself in anger and hurt. I regret everything now.
I was angry because I love you, and to live life without you feels meaningless.
But I learn now, that sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
The last night of our field trip back in the spring, the night we both confessed. You said that when your time came around, you wanted to take place in the night sky, as a star. To highlight the moon's beauty with your very own.
I think of you when I look up at the moon. Haewon, did you get your wish? Did you take your place in the night sky? Have you become a star, brightening such a dark world when night breaks?
I want you to know, that even if you aren't with me physically, you will always be in my heart. Throughout my life I will live to honor you, to cherish what we once had, and to continue on our silly little traditions. Maybe I'll have the boys join in? To fill in for the loss of your presence.
I miss you more than words can comprehend. I sleep so I can see you, in my dreams.
And, I'd kill someone with my bare hands just to hold you tight, for one night. Is that crazy? I don't think so. If it's for you, I never really cared.
Wherever you are, I hope you found peace.
You have such a sweet soul, and you were so uniquely beautiful and utterly yourself. I loved it. I loved you. The time I had with you growing up, I will forever cherish. But even now, in the 20th century, I still forever wish to have more.
I love you—more than anything and far beyond explainiton. In the stars, or wherever you are in the afterlife, I hope my message finds you smoothly.
Because, you, angel, were ephemeral.
— Your best friend, Lee Heeseung.
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Sealing the letter into an envelope safely and securely, Lee Heeseung carried it outside with him to the backyard.
The cold air nipped at his cheeks, as he sniffled, tossing firewood into the fire pit. Only a few minutes later, had flames sparked up.
He listened to the soft crackle of the fire, staring into its dancing orange and red hues as warmth spread around him.
With a deep sigh, he pulled the envelope out of the pocket of his black coat, staring down at it as he bit down on his bottom lip, closing his eyes and muttering a quiet prayer.
And atlas, he tossed the letter into the flames, as it shriveled up and disintegrated into that of nothing. Using the idea that the message traveled in whispers of smoke, disappearing into thin air as it traveled through time to get to her.
As mentioned in the letter, her time was cut short. Seong Haewon was a vibrant soul, so much to live for and so much to accomplish.
And, he wished to be there to experience it all with her; to support her in each and every last step.
Lee Heeseung could only pray that in another universe, she was living peacefully and happily. Because, her time on this earth was ephemeral.
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★﹐authors corner ．﹗﹑ 0.7k words. and with that, ephemeral comes to an end with a word count of 120.464k, and a character count of 672.793k.
writing this has been nothing short of incredible. i know for a lot of you, angst is not typically what you like to read but for me personally, i really enjoyed getting to write and plan every single detail about this.
fun fact, i actually came up with the initial idea of ephemeral way back in july of 2023, so over a year ago. but, i only took action on actually writing it and piecing things together in january of this year.
i'll miss writing for this fanfiction dearly, and especially getting to interact with all of you who have joined me along the way by reading it as chapters got published time after time.
thank you so, so much for the amount of support i've received. this has been my favorite writing experience by far, and i fear no other work of my can compare when relating on a personal level and attachment.
i look forward to creating and working on brand new future works of mine with you all in the future!
if any of you want to read something similar to ephemeral in the future, or if you have any requests for (enhypen) members / plots, feel free to let me know and i'll see if it's possible for me to create something.
or, send messages / requests anonymously on my straw page linked to my profile <3
once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
i love you all so much, no matter when you're reading this. whether it be present time, days, weeks, months or years after i've published this i am so grateful for each and every person.
