heather || spencer reid

xvii -relapse?-

*Spencer's point of view*

I closed the door behind me and the light automatically went on, the lightbulb flickered a few times until turning on fully at last.

My shoes made a clicking sound on the white tiles as I walked towards one of the sinks.

With a shaky hand, I placed a small vial of Dilaudid on one side and next to it a sterilised needle.

I looked into the mirror before rolling up my sleeve, clenching my hand, making a fist. With the other hand I reached for the syringe and stared at it.

I closed my eyes then and pushed the needle into my marked arm, where one could see all the places I had stuck the needle in in the past.

A smile made its way upon my face and I reopened my eyes after having pulled out the syringe again, being greeted by my own miserable reflection.

The lightbulb began flickering once again, which enervated me, making me wish for another injection.

My gaze traveled from the flickering lightbulb back to the mirror and I saw how there were cracks traveling upwards.

The mirror looked like someone threw a punch at it now and when I looked down at my hands I saw that my fist looked like I had hit something.

I turned on the water in the sink and moistened my face with it after having removed the splinters and having washed away the blood from my hand.

I turned around and saw that there was a body on the floor and the shiny white tiles where now drowning in thick, dark blood.

My feet moved towards the body and I got to my knees, my face being close to the probably dead human.

When I saw that it was Heather, I moved my hands to her carotid artery, after carefully moving her soft hair aside, checking for a pulse, finding nothing but big black bugs crawling under her pale skin, trying to bite their way out of her blood empty corpse.

"Spencer! Spencer, wake up!", I heard someone shout while shaking me and saw Will, JJ's husband, in front of me.

"Spencer! Stop screaming!", I heard, it sounded like JJ, I turned and saw her looking concerned.

I shook my head no, and tried to lay down again, so that they would draw back their hands. I didn't want them to touch me.

"It's okay, Spence, everything's okay, there's no need to cry.", JJ tried to calm me down, and gave Will an apologetic look, which made him leave the room after softly having squeezed my shoulder one last time.

I closed my eyes again but Jennifer wouldn't have it until I asked her, needing time to weakly get the words out, "Please, JJ, give me a minute."

It was dead quiet, only my silent sobs were heard, her eyebrows were still drawn tightly together, her blonde hair fell loose on her shoulders, and she was dressed in a night gown, I hadn't noticed that it was so dark still until now, it was in the middle of the night.

"I'm sorry, I.. I'm sorry that I woke all of you up, Henry, Will and you, you, you guys need your sleep. I.. Sorry.", I stuttered.

JJ, shushed me, putting one finger in front of my lips so that I would stop speaking.

"It's fine, I mean, it's okay. Please tell me what's wrong? Bad dream?"

I nodded and she side-hugged me, I gave up fighting against it.

"Do you want to talk about it?", she asked and I frantically shook my head.

"Okay, if you change your mind, you know where you can find me. I'll go upstairs now, if you need anything just let me know, okay? Try to go back to sleep for me, yeah?"

I nodded and she left, seeming content with my answer and visibly less concerned.

When the door closed again, I let my head hit the pillow and stared into the darkness, not being able to keep the tears from coming out anymore, and therefore not being able to fall back asleep.

Every time I closed my eyes for a while the image of her dead body reappeared and I couldn't stand that, it drove me crazy.

-

When it began to turn lighter and lighter I was still awake, just laying there and staring at nothing.

My mind was empty, I failed to produce thoughts that made any sense.

A long time passed till someone slowly opened the door and when that person peeked in their head to see if I was sleeping, I saw that it was JJ again.

She smiled when she saw me,
"You're awake! Do you want to eat some breakfast before we drive to work?"

"Yeah sure, I'll come down when I got dressed."

She left the room again, nodding and saying, "Okay."

When I finally got out of the bed, I got dressed quickly, changing my pyjamas to khakis and a simple white button down shirt.

I could smell coffee and toast so I made my way downstairs, taking one step at a time.

Henry immediately jumped up to hug me when I stepped into the kitchen. I got down to his height and hugged him back, he was just too cute.

"Good morning, Spencer.", Will smiled and I helped myself to my feet again, Henry holding my hand.

"Good morning", I mumbled, dragging my feet to one of the chairs.

"Here's your coffee", JJ said, handing me a mug, "and you can get started with the things on the table if you'd like, I also made scrambled eggs."

"Thanks.", I uttered and placed a slice of toast on my plate. I took a few sips of my coffee after having thrown in a heavy amount of sugar, and looked at all the things that were placed on the table.

I decided to just eat the toast without anything, being glad if my stomach could handle the food.

"We got to leave.", William said to Henry and got up, taking Henry's backpack and his hand after giving JJ a quick peck on the lips.

Henry waved goodbye to me and his mum, and we waved him bye, too.

"I'm so glad that Will can take Henry to school on his way to work.", she said and I nodded.

"We should get going in a few minutes, too.", she said and I took the two last bites of my toast, making it disappear.

I emptied my coffee mug and got up the same time JJ did, helping her put the dishes in the dishwasher and putting back the rest of the things.

"You know, you don't have to come to work if you feel bad, Spence. You can also stay here, I could ask someone to stay with you."

"No, it's fine. We need to find Heather.", I said, tieing the shoelaces of my grey converse.

"Okay", she said after having put on her shoes and her jacket and giving me my coat saying , "let's get to the rest of the BAU.", and opening the door.