heather || spencer reid

xxii -drowning-

*Spencer's point of view *

Heather was discharged from hospital a week ago. I took her to my apartment since she wasn't ready to go back to her house, where she was abducted, yet. She nearly collapsed when I pulled over to her house the day she was released.

She is now in therapy and obliged to take a break from work until she gets a psychological report.

I try to slowly approach her with caution again. I don't want to hurt her, but she is still scared. She is scared by me. By all of us.

I worried a lot when she was still in hospital because she wouldn't speak to any of us, and she still doesn't, the last words she had said to me were apologies.

And now that she is in my apartment we can't even cuddle in bed and fall asleep together which saddens me. We can't even speak to each other, the only one talking is me and I'm sick of hearing my own voice all the time. But I understand that she needs time.

"Spence? Is everything okay?", JJ asked me, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah, sure. Why?", I asked and smiled.

She smiled back, "it just looked like you were in another dimension."

I nodded and finished my paperwork before wishing the team a good night and going home.

-

I opened the door and put my keys onto the key holder. I kicked off my shoes and hung up my coat.

"Heather?", I asked, looking for her. She wasn't in the living room and not in bed. I looked in the kitchen and she wasn't there either.

When I opened the bathroom door, I saw her in the bathtub. I rushed over to her and pulled her up, tears beginning to stream down my eyes.

"Heather? What are you doing?", I asked and she brought her hands to her face, sobbing and gasping for air.

"Oh, Heather.", I repeated as I took her hands away from her face and took them in mine. I helped her get up and wrapped her in a big warm towel. And then I took her into a tight embrace and was surprised when she hugged me back.

"I'm sorry.", she croaked out and we stayed there for a while, silently crying in each other's arms.

"I love you, I always did and I always will and I don't intent on losing you.", I breathed into her neck, and felt my clothes dampening but the only thing I cared about was Heather.

I tried to soothe her, slightly pulling apart from the hug so that I could look in her sad eyes.

"I love you.", I repeated to make sure that she knew and she said it back. I then guided her to the bedroom where she got under the duvet and I laid next to her.

She threw her hands around my waist and I wiped her tears away, "it's okay.", I whispered, "I'm here now."

"I just-", she began, and more tears left her eyes. She closed them for a short moment and then carried on,"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.", she said.

"You don't have to apologise, baby, it's okay now.", I reassured her, continuing to gently wipe her tears away with my thumb.

"Why can't I forget?", she asked and another sob went through her body.

"It needs time.", I said, "and I promise, whatever may happen, I will be by your side all the way and we're going to go through this together,okay?"

She nodded and moved closer to me so that she could nuzzle into my chest. I put my chin on top of her head and put my hands around her.

"Did I tell you about Tobias Hankel?", I asked her and she shook her head no.

I decided to share my story with her so that it would be easier for her if she wanted to talk about anything.

"Well, he was an Unsub of ours some time ago and he saw himself as the angel of death, Raphael, and his deceased father, that he had shot because he had been ill. his mind fractured and split into three identities because he was addicted to Dilaudid and would cut it with psychedelic drugs combined with the moral dilemma of killing his father. When JJ and I went to question him, we came to the conclusion that he was the Unsub. We split up when he fled and then I was overpowered and held at gun point by him in a cornfield.", I said, having to take a short break before continuing.

"He took me near a cemetery and bonded me to a chair. He simulated Russian Roulette, wanting to see what 'God's will' was, aiming the gun at my head and pulling the trigger to reveal a blank one.
I was tortured to confess sins so that I could be executed for the sins by Charles, the personality of his father. Tobias pitied me and injected me with Dilaudid to ease my pain. He streamed video feeds of beating me up to the rest of the BAU after he made me choose who he should kill next. I convulsed when 'his father' shoved me to the floor on the chair that I was still tied to. I was revived again by Tobias and then Raphael compared our team to the seven archangels, ordering me to choose one of the team to die. I misquoted a verse from genesis when I chose Hotch, calling him a classic narcissist, trying to give them a clue as where they could find me. I was injected with more Dilaudid and had flashbacks of my mother and Charles overheard me unconsciously repeating the dialogue spoken. He then dragged me to the cemetery so that I would dig my own grave."

I looked down at Heather to see her looking at me, she planted kisses onto my neck and then she asked, "he's gone now, right?"

I nodded and she said, "that's good."

There was a short moment of silence before she broke it again, "were you able to fully recover?"

"No, not fully but I've processed everything now and I'm not taking Dilaudid anymore, so I'm better."

"I'm proud of you Spencer.", she said, and I kissed her softly, my heart making backflips and the butterflies in my stomach went crazy.

"But what about the two guys that abducted you?", she questioned drawing back one hand of hers from my waist and putting it on my shoulder. She had a tint of blush on her cheeks now and I felt even better when I imagined that she felt similar about me.

"You helped me forget about them.", I spoke honestly, not wanting to sound cheesy but failing miserably. Her cheeks turned even redder now.

After another comfortable silence she spoke silently, "But Spencer, Scott is still out there somewhere." and as she said these words she buried herself even closer in my arms.

"Don't worry baby, I'll protect you. He won't come near you ever again."

"Promise?"

"Pinky.", I said, drawing one of my hands back and extending the smallest finger of my hand in front of my face.

Heather leaned back a bit and hooked her pinky finger in mine.