Just His Girl

Chapter 26

Just His Girl
Chapter 26- Birth of a war?

"Go out with me."

Di ko madigest ang apat na salitang yun. Di dahil sa di ko maintindihan. Di rin dahil sa English. Kundi dahil parang may humuhukay dito sa loob ko. Di ko alam kung ano kasi ngayon lang.. ngayon ko lang to naramdaman.

Kahit gusto kong magsalita ay wala naman akong maisagot. WTH is happening to me?! Speak, Twinkle! Just speak! Damn.

Nanatili akong nakatitig sa kanya habang sya ay nakahawak pa rin sa mga balikat ko. Iniwas nya ang kanyang mga mata. Dahan-dahan nyang binaba ang mga kamay nyang sinusundan naman ng mga mata ko.

Lumayo sya nang bahagya sa akin. Isang metro yata ang layong yun. Pero kitang-kita ko pa rin ang mga mata nya. I can see it clearly na kahit itago nya pa ay alam kong may iba dun sa mga matang yun. I can see sadness and.. and.. pain.

Ngumiti sya sa akin.

"I..know it sounds crazy, right? But.. Twinkle, that's the only way I could help you. That's the only way I could protect you."

Napasabunot sya sa sarili nyang buhok. Frustration. I can see frustration just watching him doing that to himself.

"Kapag nalaman nilang pinoprotektahan kita mas lalo ka lang nilang guguluhin.Pero kapag nalaman nilang may tayo, titigil sila. That's the rule. That's my agreement with them."

Rule? So, may nag-eexist palang ganun?! Ugh.

"I don't want to see you like this. Hindi ka man lang lumalaban. You said you can manage, pero muntikan ka ng masaktan kanina."

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pag-aalala nya para sa akin.
Tama sya muntikan na akong madisgrasya kanina. Tch.

Huminga sya ng malalim.

"For all my life I hated being me. I hated being this guy in front of you. Akala ko naubos na yung hatred na yun pero di pa pala."

He laughed sarcastically.
Napatingala sya sa itaas na para bang nahihirapang magsalita. This guy in front of me is different from the usual him.

Binalik nya ang mga mata nya sakin.

"But guess what? Meron pa pala. I even hated myself more. I hate myself for putting you in this kind of situation. I hate myself for doing nothing. I hate myself for being useless. I hate myself for being the reason why you're struggling. I fcking hate myself that I just want to fcking disappear and just die but I can't because.. because.. I want to save and protect you."

Tuluyan na yatang nag-black out ang utak ko at wala na akong maisip. For the first time in my life I hate myself for being too silent. I want to speak. But I can't. I can't because I don't even know what's to answer.

"Go out with me. And when everything's alright you won't see me. I.. won't bother you anymore."

Pagkatapos nya yung sabihin ay nagpakawala sya ng ngiti. Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. Tumalikod sya sa akin.

"Just think about it."

Naiwan akong nakatitig sa likod nyang papalayo sa akin. Parang hinigop lahat ng energy ko at hinang-hina.

"Chino.",nasabi ko na lang sa sarili. Stupid me ngayon lang gumana ang dila ko at masyado pang mahina. Aish.

Pinulot ko yung bolang kukay yellowgreen.

Thank you Chino but you don't have to hate yourself. I didn't even blame you. I just know that I can protect my own.