Poems and Thoughts (Book 2) {HIATUS}

Quote Talk #1

I'm starting this thing called Quote Talk. Its basically where I say what a quote means to me, so if you leave a quote in the comments, or DM me i will do the quote, and say what it means to me.
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I like the quote "Miss, 'no way its all good' ," by p!nk. I love this quote, because it describes my whole life.

My whole life has centered around acting tough. I don't like crying in front of others or showing any signs that you upset me. That is weakness. I hate showing weakness.

I started all of this after my first dog died. I was really young, and I cried, and cried, and cried. I did not like how everyone took pity on me. As a result, I never showed sadness like that ever again.

When my second dog died, I was a little older. I clenched my jaw, and forced the tears inside. I held all of my pain in, and insisted on being okay. I learned that I became a prison inside of myself; with stone walls, steel fences, and 8 feet deep trenches filled with water. There was no escape.

Since then, I kept my pain inside. I did not show anyone when I was hurting, and I only cried when I was alone. I only showed pain to myself. I became a hard ass who never showed any emotion except happiness.

I broke a few times. Once when My first (and only) boyfriend broke up with me. I was trying to tell my best friend, Morgen, what happened, and I just burst out into tears.

The next was when I was a little younger, and I did not get into a class I wanted to get into. I got my hopes up, and when the letter came, it said i was not accepted. I cried. I burst out into tears right in front of my mom in the living room.

Once I was not feeling well, and I just felt so awful. I started crying. Not a big deal.

Once when I messed up on a solo in band. I was mortified. All of those people starring at me, and i messed up. I tried to play it off to me mom as a joke, but i just could not do it.

Lastly, when I finished The Fault in our Stars in school. That is just not okay.

Even at those times, I only cried in front of people who are very close to me. I know they do not care if I cry.

If I cry in front of you, I must be in a lot of pain. If I cry in front of you, the amount of pain I am feeling is so great that all of the walls I have built around myself that I mentioned before crumble. I am in so much pain that joking around about it cannot help.

You know I am hurting when I start to joke around about it. Humor is a good way to hide the pain. I laugh about the things that hurt. It makes me seem like I am not hurting on the outside. It helps me deal with it.

So if you see me in tears, there is something truly wrong with me.