Poems and Thoughts (Book 2) {HIATUS}

Rant Writing

I've slowly come to realize that everybody is annoyed with me 24/7. I just want to shut myself away in my room, and not talk to anybody.

I'm just kind of... done.

I hate school, I hate people, and I hate myself. I hate myself for being a burden to everyone. I hate myself for always being clingy, but I cant help it. I cant help that I feel nervous or bored. I cant help feeling like a burden, so I push everyone away.

I'm sorry you hate me being around you. I hate being around me too. If I could get away from myself, believe me... I would. I would cut myself out of my own skin if I could, and leave.

Why? Why? Why? Why me? Why now? Why this? I hate all of this. I cant keep laughing at all of the mean things you say. I cant keep pushing it off like its nothing. I cant keep smiling when I want to cry. I cant keep making jokes when I feel hurt.

Humor hides the pain. A smile hides the tears. I laugh hides the sorrow. Just to show you that I'm okay. That I'm fine. It's all in my mind. I can't keep pretending everything is alright when its not.

I cant keep doing this everyday. It's the same stupid thing. She hates me, he gets annoyed by me, and everyone I talk to tells me to go away. If I don't, they leave me. My life is a constant cycle of being abandoned, and pushing people away.

Everyone I talk to hates me. They always say it. Everyone is always pissed at me 24/7 because I "talk too much" Me? Talk too much? I hardly uttered two words to you, and now I "talk too much..."

So why? Why does everyone hate me? Why does my presence make people annoyed?

"If you breathe in my general direction it annoys me."

How could you say that? Especially to someone as sensitive as me? But its okay... I annoy myself too. That's why I don't talk. If I annoy everyone else, what's the point? I'll just stay silent the rest of my life. It'll make everyone happier anyways
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I love writing. When I feel overwhelmed, stressed, sad, angry, or whatever... I write. I write because that is all I know how to do. Writing is the only way I know I can express my feelings, because nobody else will listen. No one else understands.  When I write, it feels like my broken soul has something to live for again. When I write, its like I'm finally letting out a long needed breath. It feels like I cant breathe until I write it all down. My head is always swirling with these thoughts that I do not know how to handle, so I write them down. I write until I feel better. If by the end of the paper I don't feel better, I get another piece. I will write a book if I have to just to feel better, because if I don't I'll explode.