Poems and Thoughts (Book 2) {HIATUS}

Welcome to my life

Don't tell me you know how i feel when you don't! You have no idea how i feel! I feel beaten and i feel lied to! I feel out of place, like somehow i don't belong and no one understands. You don't know what its like when nothing feels right.I'm always on the edge of breaking down every second of everyday even if I'm sitting there smiling because I'm "the strong one" If i cry in front of you we must be pretty close, because i don't cry in front of people. I don't want anyone to see me weak. You don't know what its like to be kicked when you're down and feel so hurt no matter what you do to try to get better. You don't know what its like to feel like you're always in the dark about everything and feel so..... lost. You don't know what its like to feel like you are always annoying everyone. You don't know what its like to paint the same stupid smile on your face everyday and inside you're crumbled and cracked and ready to fall apart. I feel hurt. I feel like I've been pushed around and nobody wants to deal with me. I'm tired of people not wanting to hear my opinion and I'm tired of everyone telling me to shut up. Even my own my tells me to shut up...... You don't know what its like when you go to your room feeling more hurt than you did going out just from being with your family. You don't know what its like to rather be lost in a world of fantasy, music, and wanting to be alone just to escape everything around you. You don't know what its like to rather be alone in your room than with your own parents and siblings because they always make you feel like you mean nothing. To feel like you were a mistake. I'm sick of feeling so left out and everyone always telling me that i need to grow up. To constantly be called names by your own family. To constantly worry about waking up and facing the day ahead. You don't know what its like to be so socially awkward that you cant even talk to your friends without feeling uncomfortable. You don't understand the feeling of fear when you get called on and getting the question wrong. The entire day having a war with yourself because you feel stupid from that one thing. You don't know how it feels when you just want to curl up in a ball of yourself and shut the world away. You have no idea what its like to know that the best thing that ever happened to you was all a joke to the other person. You have no idea what its like to be me.