Heaven and back

Responsibility

Nika's pov

I woke up in the middle of the night. I jolted up basically. I was reliving that specific moment. If Shane wasn't there that time... I keep going back and replaying the scene in my head. The trauma of experiencing the same shit like something with my past relationships came back hitting me like a brick out of nowhere. I could not focus anymore. Rapid breathing could be heard while breaking the silence of the room. The moonlight falling slightly in the room. Wind flowing in through the window making me shiver. My mouth became dry and my fingertips sweaty. I look down beside me to see Shane sleeping with one hand on my waist. She seemed relieved that she was here. She has never slept this fast. Yet she has an arm wrapped around me to 'protect' me during the night. She usually stays up until late. Either studying or scrolling down on tik tok. Even playing guitar in the living room now and then because it calms her down. Except today. She just laid down with me and waited for me to go to sleep before just dozing off. Maybe she was tired. She has yet to tell me where she has been all this time. I don't know if she's ready to talk about it though cause she seemed upset when i asked her the first time. I moved out of the bed slowly not intending to wake her up and went to the balcony. My gaze got lost in the buildings and the view. The light's deemed lowly while the cold of the November took over the atmosphere. Soon Christmas would arrive and i would stay here while the others would go back to their families. I didn't care about it. I would see them on Easter. Of course they would come here for a couple of days in December but still. Croatia would be 'blessed' by my presence at Easter when I would go for a week. Thoughts running wild to every single topic I could think of right now. I have never heard of Shane's family now that i think about it. Neither Paige nor Azzi had talked to me about her family. I know for a fact that she hasn't said anything about them but still. It was a bit odd that i didn't even know if she had a brother or a sister. Suddenly I felt a warm hand touching my cold bare shoulder. I turned around and saw an exhausted Shane with red eyes and a worried expression look at me. She covered me with a white warm blanket and handed me a mug of tea. It was my favourite mug of hers. She knew cause i had told her many times that i want one just like this. She also knew tea calmed me down. "It's okay Nika. I'm right here and i ain't going nowhere anytime soon" she said lowly making my heart swell. "Why did you leave in the first place?" I whispered. Her head lowered and she sat down in front of me. She hesitated for a bit seeming unsure of what to say. "It was a family matter. I needed to deal with some problems and i didn't look at the phone" she said.  I was almost certain that she was hiding something. But I did not intend to push her limits. She is trying to open up. If it's half a step at a time then so be it. She was telling half the truth. That counts as progress right? "Three weeks. You didn't pick up the phone for three weeks Shane. What if you weren't there tonight? What if you didn't find me in time like you did? I have already been through this one gime with one of my exes. I can't do this again" I was wrong for putting this on her. We weren't a couple. She sure as hell was not t my mother. I wasn't her responsibility. I should be able to handle myself. But right now i wanted more than anything to blame her for my faults because the truth is i wanted more than anything to be her responsibility. To be that person for her. She stayed silent for a moment. Her head looking anywhere but my eyes. Avoiding eye contact. She took a deep breath and then looked at me dead in the eyes "I am so sorry Nika. I left you without telling you anything. Not even a stupid excuse and you almost got hurt because of the poor skills of my ability to communicate. I should have never left you in the first place" she said whispering the last part as if someone would hear us. She took the blame. I didn't expect her to do such thing. Honestly i was expecting her to tell me exactly what i was thinking about. That it was my fault and not hers. But she apologised as if i was right. She saw me like her responsibility? Is that what she's saying? Or am i just going crazy "I know i am wrong and I don't know why you agree on that but i just wanted you here. I just i feel safe with you here. You make me feel like i am the only person on this earth. You have cared about me more in three months than my exes who knew me years each" i said lowly and pulled her in for a hug to which she gladly accepted. She hugged me tightly while caressing my head. "I care about you nika. I do. And i also feel safe with you. I feel some typa way I have never felt like that with anyone else. You bring a version of myself out of the deep dark that I have buried it in. The caring version of me. The one where I am not a stone cold bitch who doesn't care about anyone but herself. The one where I can hug you and feel something other than emptiness" she said looking at me her eyes filled with an emotion i can't quite picture. Her hand was caressing my cheek and her eyes never left mine. A sudden surge of warmth filled my body. I was no longer cold. I placed my forehead against hers and she copied my actions. I closed my eyes and we stayed there for a moment just soaking in every detail we both had now shared with eachother. Once i opened my eyes i saw her already looking at me. She slowly pulled me in and the next thing I knew was that her soft lips were touching mine. I relaxed immediately to the feeling. Her hands circled around my waist pulling me closer to her. She pulled away catching her breath. I watched her eyes travel around my face. Searching for a hint of repulsion. But she didn't find any. When she realised that her eyes found mine again with a smile on her face. "You have no idea how long i have been waiting for this" i told her placing my hand on her cheek. Her smile only grew wider when i told her that. She hugged me while burying her head in the crook of my neck. As moments went by and the cold started to get to us i tapped on her shoulder and she looked up at me "Wanna go inside? It's starting to get really cold" i said and she agreed. She made me jump in her arms and she carried me to the bed. She placed me softly on my side and went to bring me my tea from outside. Once she placed it on my bedside table she got in her side of the bed and opened her arms for me to lie in. Which i did. She placed another soft kiss on my forehead before she started caressing my head slowly while looking at me studying my features. "So what do we do from now on?" I asked trying to understand what we are. "You can stay patient until i ask you to be my girlfriend. Until then we do what we're doing right now. And what we have been doing this whole time. Cause if I'm being honest i never really saw you as a friend. Ever since I saw you in the cafe with paige and Azzi i just knew something about you was special. Turns out i was right. Cause otherwise i would have never even sweat for you. Not carry tour bags or worry about you catching a cold. I wouldn't even offer to take you on my bike honestly" she admitted making me laugh and hut her arm. "You would leave me there to freeze you asshole?" I said laughing and she laughed along. "Well maybe i wouldn't leave you there because you're Paige's friend but if we were at the coffee shop or outside somewhere there was no way if you were another girl taht i would take you on my bike. Do you think i let anyone get in my dorm or touch my bike? Cause if you do it's like you don't know me at all" she said adn we both started laughing. "Okay well my turn. If you weren't smart and cold to others i don't think i would be into you honestly. I mean every douchebag has muscles and is arrogant but you were far different from a simple douchebag. You were soft for the ones you cared. You are smart. And lets face it the look you gave me in the coffee shop did play it's role. It intrigued me" i said seeing she was shocked. "Okay so what I'm hearing is that you like me because i was a complicated douchebag? And because i am smart?" She said faking being offended. "Am i wrong though?" I asked and she shushed me making me laugh. I got up and sta on her lap still laughing. She was looking at me smiling widely. "I am so glad you asked for a ride with the bike. You're lucky that the looks you were throwing at me paid off. You thought you was sleek yet i noticed every time you looked my way" shane said looking at me like a kid that had all the world's toys in her hands. I just hit her shoulder and fell in her hug once again. Only now she was officially stuck with me but she didn't know it yet..

Hello my lovely readers. I was feeling the early Christmas spirit too much so here's an early gift for y'all. I hope y'all are doing great and that you liked this chapter. Please don't ghost read like or comment and I will see you soon hopefully

xoxo your favourite author ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹