Chapter 51

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Danielle's Point of View

We pulled up back outside Calum's house. After our meet at the airport it was just silence after that, walking to the car and the car ride home.

"Thanks Andy," Calum thanked him. I gave him a small smile and wave before I walked up the path to the house as he talked to Andy a little bit more. When he turns up at the door he glances down to me before opening the door.

"Oh god, Danielle!" April was the first to notice me and she came running towards me wrapping her arms around me making me jump back in surprise.

"Hi," I laughed lightly.

"Are you back for good or...?"

I looked to Calum who looked at the ground. I shrugged before answering. "I guess..."

"Daniiiiii!" A yell came from the stairs I looked up to see Michael sprinting down the stairs before engulfing me into a hug making me fall back but he caught me in the hug.

"Hey Mike," I greeted.

"Please tell me you're back for good, I'm not going to let you go until you say 'yes', " he told me squeezing me tight.

"Uhh, yeah sure, I guess," I mumbled through his chest.

He finally let me go looked at me before hugging me again, just a little more lightly. "I bloody missed you Danielle..." He sighed.

He finally let me go and I looked up at him with a smile on my face.

"If you're done harassing her now, I'd like to talk to her for a few moments," Calum interrupted, I looked up at him giving him another small smile before he lead me outside into the garden.

He sat down on the patio on the swing bench at the end, I awkwardly sat down a couple meters from him. We sat in silence for a little bit not knowing what to say.

He cleared his throat. "How did you know I was at the airport...?"

I rubbed my knees with my sweaty palms and looked at him. "Umm, I got a letter... From Kaelyn."

He nodded his head leaning forward clasping his hands together. We sat again in an awkward silence the only sounds were the nature around us.

"Look Calum... I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the test, I just... After last time I didn't want it to happen again, and I panicked I -"

"No, it's not your fault..." He cuts in. He turns around before lifting his head up to look at me. I quickly turned away looking back at the ground because if I looked at him for more than a second I would just start crying again. "The whole argument... Was stupid, I don't know why I acted the way I did, I was just, I was scared that it was going to happen like last time,"

I bowed my head putting my head in my hands remembering what happened last time. We were both young at the time, it didn't matter and it was stupid.

"I know what I said and done was unforgivable but, when you left it wasn't only my world shattered but everyone in this house too. Miriam and Ash aren't dating anymore, Kaelyn has locked herself up in her room, Michael, I can always read his face expressions but apart from when you've arrived his expression has been blank. Luke has gone mute since I told them what I did to you and April has been in pieces since you've been gone, she's been between her house and this house and I can't bear seeing everyone upset and torn apart like this because of us. "

I felt a thump in my throat as he spoke. I didn't know I had caused this much trouble. I let out a small sob as I stood up. Excuse me a second..."

I walked away from him back into the house and back into my old room. As I entered I looked around to see everything was the same nobody had touched anything since I've been away. I shut the door going over to my bed lying in it and crying.

I didn't realise all the trouble I had caused but I - I didn't know how to fix it. Me and Calum we were strong together but, with such a split like this we can't just get back together so easily.

I didn't know what to do, I can't handle all this on my own all this stress is getting to me, I've ruined everyone, everyone is going to hate me, I can't - I can't do this anymore.

I sat back up on the bed wiping away my tears with the back of my hand before walking towards the bathroom. It's been a long time but, I guess I have to this time right...?

I opened the door new tears forming in my eyes. I opened the second drawer rummaging around for it, but it wasn't there. It's always here why isn't it here?

"What?!" I exclaimed to myself. I couldn't find it someone's taken it,  why would someone take it?!

I kept rummaging around checking every drawer but it wasn't there I couldn't take this anymore, I need to find it before I explode.

"Danielle? You in here?" A voice called from the bedroom door. I ignored it and continued looking for it. As I kept on looking Calum walked in. "What are you doing?"

"Where did you put it?!"

"Put what?" He questioned, but he knew exactly what I talking about.

"The blade! Where did you put it?!" I yelled in his face before collapsing onto the ground bringing my knees up to my chest and crying.

Why does this always happen to me? Why now? Why does this need to happen...?

"Calm down... It's okay," he shushed sitting next to me. He put an arm around me to try and comfort me.

I looked up at him my face probably looking a complete mess. "I can't do this anymore. I just can't..."

"No, you can. I'll help you we all will,"

"You can't. It's too late... It's too late to help me... Just leave me here to die. You should've left me in that alley, Calum."

"Don't say that Danielle." He told me removing his arm and holding his head in his hands. "You are worth way more than what you expect you know and even though it may not seem like it you still have people who love and care for you no matter what."

I sighed trying to relieve myself. I looked at him and shook my head not agreeing. "You know it and I know it. It may be in the past but I still think about it, I still get scared that you'll hate me and you'll just dump me again. When you guys went on tour I forgot about everything because seeing you perform on stage with your best friends, it made me so happy and I didn't want to crush your dreams. Everyone has had an easy life with a loving family dreams to catch but I don't, and it hurts that I don't.. It really does..." I couldn't hold myself together anymore.

"Danielle, stop."

"No... I'm gonna leave and it's going to be for good this time." I looked at him before standing up. He quickly stood up after me blocking the door. "Please move out of my way, Calum."

"I'm not gonna let you go again..." He took my hands in his and tried to look at me in the eye but I avoided contact.

"Calum..." I said my emotions taking hold of me.

"Dani, look at me."

He hasn't called me Dani in a long time. I didn't know how to feel when he did because when he bullied me he called me it a lot, but when we were together he sometimes used it too.

My lips quivered as I continued to stare at the wall, I could feel the warm tears falling from my eyes.

"Please... Look at me.." He pleaded. I bobbed my knee which shook my head before I turned to look at him.

Without any warning he just kissed me. I was shocked I mean, I didn't know how to react but, it was all I really needed. I started to kiss him back to let him know that I understood what he meant.

I didn't need help or any medication. The only thing the only person that had helped me these past couple months, who has been my help and my medication...was Calum.

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