Stupid Love

44

Something in the air tells me that something bad is going to happen. It's been months since I've spoken to Ruby, she's moved on to her 3rd boyfriend from the sounds of it. She reached out the other day, the last time she did I was furloughed from the job I packed up everything and moved for.

After I finished my hockey career I was a superstitious person. I take the same routes to work, the same workout routine, same drink and same energy on my good days. Whenever something bad happens I always have to switch it up, but I know it won't work.

Today's been like every other day, at least the last month. I moved again, and started a new job at another railroad. The thing I was struggling with was talking to people here, I had made slight progress with a milf but she turned into a crack head so I guess it was a bullet dodged.

But this new girl, Lauren. She's been sweet, beautiful brown hair, a bright smile. Slim but loves the baggy clothes, and amazing hazel eyes. She reminds me a lot of Ruby, our conversations. Our jokes and her laugh and voice, I guess I never really got over it yet. When I met her I was still in my isolation phase, shutting off my phone. Keeping to myself and limited interaction, but I could feel something about her. I never felt it with anyone else before, and that's what scared me. I cut things off with Lauren just a few days ago. I can't move on, I keep thinking of Ruby, I keep thinking of what I did wrong, and if the pain in my heart would go away. Lauren was doing a great job trying to help, but I couldn't feel anything changing, I was scared to waste her time like I've wasted mine.

Little did I know.

I open the door to my work, the cool breeze hits like a fan. It's been hot all week, I'm exhausted and drained. Having to go from starting at 4am, 5am and 6am really changes a persons sleeping habits. It's my third 70 hour week in a row. My boss comes up to me. A short stubby man, wearing just a bland striped shirt. Brown military styled hair and the biggest fucking smirk for someone who's worked his employees like dogs.

"Corbin what do you know?" He says with a big grin as I enter the office.

"Exes suck that's what I know." I reply in a joking manner.

"What I mean I don't see the big deal, does she want child support or something." He says

I laugh, "Fuck no thank god, but she wants my attention for some reason."

He laughs, "You're pretty funny Corbin." He says, "The yard isn't looking too bad today. Should be a quick shift for you today am I right?"

I nod. 

I begin to do my job for the next few hours, stepping in scrap metal. Climbing up two story railcars. Throwing switches for the train to go down different tracks.

The engineer surprisingly was my boss today, we don't have enough conductors and engineers as is so when someone calls out it's like if one person was running the taco bell dinner rush.

My bad feeling from this morning comes back as we begin to go into an industry. I shrug it off to being nervous about going into this track, it happens normally when I go into an unfamiliar place. We spot 2  railcars on this skinny part of a road underneath a crane. I get up on the first car and go in between and tie the handbrake. The walkway was smaller than my feet so with my feet at an angle I begin to exit, when I slip.

I caught myself the first time but with my hands being sweaty and the gloves I was wearing I couldn't grab the handle for the walk way again and I fall back. I fell 6 feet onto the steel knuckle that keeps railcars together. In the split second I noticed the walkways were about 4 feet apart and braced my head as my hands hit the second walkway on my way down. Landing on my back I fall another 3 feet to the ground landing on my knee and shoulder.I braced my neck as when I hit the railroad tie I hit the steel rail. Through the whole movement with the cars, the engine moved ever so slightly. The next thing I see is the wheel of the first car move towards me, as I slipped out as fast as I could, my head inches away from being buried.

I stand up, the adrenaline kicking in as my back feels as if something snapped. My knee feels as if I took a bowling ball to it, my hands shaking. I bend over and weep in pain. It took me a few minutes to catch my breath, my boss calls me on the radio.

"What's going on?" He asks.

I stand up, as all my pain kicks in with the adrenaline wearing off. "I fell." I reply.

Seconds later he gets out of the engine, I try and pick up my equipment and stand up again. My back begins to feel engulfed in flames. My ears are ringing, deafening the loud sounds of the engine environment.

My boss finally screams, "what'd you fall from?"

"In between the cars. Did you release the air?" I ask

His face got pale, "No but I thought you got down so I was checking the brakes"

I remember my vision of being caught in a train accident, I was hoping for something quick. This was much worse.

I took a deep breath, trying not to think about the pain. "Let's go we're almost done." I say.

He looks at me, confused and nervous as he reluctantly goes back into the engine. We go towards the next industry when I begin to lose consciousness and feeling in my legs as they begin to tingle and then numb.

My boss sees me struggle with the switch I was just throwing one handed just minutes before. He calls the office on the radio. "We need someone to come out here, Corbin fell off the car and needs medical attention."

My ears perk up, "Don't you dare fucking call 911, I'm fine." I mumble on the radio. "I don't  have money for that expensive trip. Im better off driving myself to the hospital, it wasn't my first time and probably not the last time I would do it" I thought to myself.