Bloodstream (Camren)

Chapter 44

Lauren's POV

I slipped out of my bed and put a hand through my messy hair. I walked up to the nearby mirror and rubbed my eyes before looking at myself. I sighed as I ran a finger across my left eyebrow, putting in place some stray hairs. I looked horrible; the bags under my eyes were bigger than they were a couple weeks ago, darker, my eyes were red and my lips looked a bit chapped. My hair was a mess so I finally stepped into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. I stripped of my clothing and stepped in sighing in relief as the hot water dripped over my body.

I remembered what had happened a couple weeks ago, the numbness and emptiness came back as every drop of warm water hit my skin. I stood there motionless and swallowed hard putting my hands through my wet hair. The conversation played over in my head and I groaned loudly. I hated this place now; I didn't want to do this anymore. Yes, this is my dream. The music, but was it really worth it? Was it really worth leaving everything behind? Now I'm here in a cold lifeless studio apartment. Alone in a hot shower thinking of the only thing that could make this better, but it's the one thing that's out of my grasp. Camila, I haven't heard her voice in a weeks, I haven't been able to see her smile that brought color inside my world. I shook my head trying to get her out. But it seemed like it was something impossible. I tried to put my finger on what it was about her, what exactly was about her that had me so in love with her. I ended up knowing that I could write a book about what it was, I could write 2 or 3 and it still wouldn't be enough.

I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off; I ended up putting on some sweats and a sweater. I combed through my locks and tried my best to somewhat cover up the bags under my eyes. I then grabbed the box of cigarettes on my kitchen counter and stepped out of the studio. I walked down the hall and turned the corner. There was door that lead up to the roof of the building which was sort of hidden. Taylor had showed me it a couple of days ago. I ended up coming here a lot to clear my head and just be by myself. No one knew I was here except him but he understood so he let me be.

There was a small couch up here that Taylor had brought up when he first found this place, he had pretty much made it his own, there was a couple plants up here and an old coffee table. The view up here was breathtaking. I plopped on the couch and reached in my pocket for my lighter. I took a cigarette out of the box and put it between my lips. I lit it and took in a long drag. I exhaled the smoke slowly and looked around the rooftop. I sighed and looked at the cigarette that was between my fingers.

"If you're going to talk to me you better put that thing out."

I chuckled lightly as I heard her voice in my head, I shook it off and took another drag, this time standing up and walking around. I walked to the edge of the rooftop and sat down having my legs dangle off the side. I laid back on the resting my back on the ground and I put a hand over my forehead. Slightly rubbing down on my temple with my finger, I took in another long drag. I choked a bit on the smoke and coughed. I stood up and flicked the cigarette into the street below me. I groaned once more and laid back.

"I was looking for you." I heard a deep husky voice behind me. I put my legs on the ground again and scoot away from the edge of the building; I spun around on my butt and looked up at Taylor.

"You look like death." He said walking towards me and I shrugged and turned away from him looking out at the view. I felt him sit beside me.

"Can you talk to me; I haven't heard your voice in days." He said putting an arm around my shoulders but I stayed still, eyes fixed forward.

"Lauren, please. All you've been doing is smoking and being up here. You don't talk; I don't think I've even seen you eat. Please just look at me. I'm worried about you." I slowly turned my face towards him and he smiled. I looked into his eyes and I could feel his smile slowly fading, he's face turned into a worried expression and he sighed pulling me to him and wrapping both arms around me. I rest my head on the crook of his neck and squeezed my eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling. He rubbed my back gently and held me.