Something New | Taraji x Fantasia

Even After, Even Still

Taraji POV

I decided to come to therapy on my own. No one had to force me. No one had to nudge me. I just... knew.

But even as I sit here now, on this beige couch that's softer than I expected, across from Dr. Lisa Stone, I feel like bolting.

It's not that I don't want to be here. It's just that being here means I have to admit—out loud—that something is wrong. And if I admit it, then I have to figure out what to do about it. And if I figure out what to do about it, then I have to trust myself enough to make the right decisions.

And that's the thing, isn't it? I don't trust myself.

Dr. Stone watches me, her face open but unreadable. She's got this way of looking at me that makes me feel like she already knows everything I'm about to say before I even say it. She's not writing anything down. Not yet. Just waiting.

"Taraji," she says finally, her voice calm, steady. "What made you decide to come today?"

I press my lips together, hesitating. My fingers twist in my lap, restless. I could start with something light, ease into it. Or I could be honest.

I settle somewhere in between. "I just... I felt like it was time."

She nods. "Time for what?"

I exhale through my nose, shifting in my seat. "Time to figure out what's wrong with me."

The words sit between us, heavy and raw.

Dr. Stone doesn't flinch. "What makes you feel like something is wrong with you?"

A hollow laugh escapes me. "How much time do you have?" I shake my head. "I don't trust myself. I don't trust my decisions. I question everything I do, everything I feel, everything I want. Even when I was booking this appointment, I almost canceled—twice."

She tilts her head slightly. "What made you follow through?"

I open my mouth, then pause. That's a good question. I almost didn't follow through. I almost convinced myself I was fine. But at the last second, something in me—some small, desperate part of me—didn't want to keep living in this cycle.

"I don't know," I say finally. "I guess... I got tired of thinking in circles. I got tired of feeling like I was waiting for something to change when I wasn't actually doing anything to change it."

Dr. Stone nods again, like that makes perfect sense.

She waits a beat before saying, "What happens when you don't trust yourself?"

I blink. The question lands deeper than I expected. "I hesitate. I sabotage things. I overthink until I convince myself I made the wrong choice, even when I haven't. I doubt people. I doubt my own feelings. And then, when things fall apart, I tell myself I knew it all along." My throat tightens. "But the truth is, I don't actually know if I was right. I just... I tell myself I was."

Dr. Stone sits with that for a moment. She doesn't rush in to fix it. Doesn't tell me I'm wrong or right. She just lets me sit in the weight of my own words.

Then, gently, she asks, "You mentioned doubting people. Is that something that happens in your relationships?"

The air in the room shifts.

I look down, my fingers picking at the skin around my thumb. I don't want to talk about this. I do. But I don't.

I force myself to say it anyway. "Yeah. A lot."