In the Shadow of Diamond (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 23

Kabanata 23

Hinayaan ako ni Cronus sa gusto ko. Hindi ako natulog sa kuwarto namin, mas pinili ko rito sa dati. Hindi rin ako sumabay sa kaniya ng kain kagabi, si Manang Hilda ang nagdala ng pagkain ko rito.

I stared at the ceiling. My own reflection was lost in the surface. Kung tutuuisin ay maganda ang buhay ko rito. I should feel grateful, right? Grateful for the food, the shelter, the safety. He gave me all of that. But what about freedom? What about choice? When did I stop being the one who made decisions? When did I stop being the person who could choose where she went, what she wanted?

I closed my eyes, but it didn't help. All I could see was the same dark emptiness. The way he tried to control every part of my life like it was his to shape. I wasn't allowed to make mistakes here. I wasn't allowed to be messy, to make my own choices, to question him.

Tumagilid ako. Naaninag ko ang sikat ng araw sa bintana. My eyes caught a paper bag on the table, placed neatly as if it had been waiting for me to notice.

I pushed myself up from the bed. My legs felt heavy, but I stood anyway, walking toward the table. The paper bag was simple brown, its top folded over carefully. May nakaipit na note rito, gaya ng madalas kong makita. Hindi ko na kailangan pang magtanong kung kanino iyon galing. I pulled the note out slowly.

Go to the pool. I'll be waiting.

I stared at the words, my fingers tightening around the edge of the paper. Another instruction dressed as an invitation. Bumuntong hininga ako at ibinalik ang note.

Sa totoo lang, gusto ko siyang makita. Gusto kong marinig kung ano ang sasabihin niya, kung ano na naman ang balak niya. Pero sa parehong dahilan, ayaw ko rin. Masama pa rin ang loob ko, walang kahit na anong bagay o regalo ang makakapagpawala niyon.

But my feet were already moving. Nadaanan ko ang mga kasambahay na nagkukumpulan. Ngiting ngiti sila nang makita ako at sinesenyasan na magpatuloy sa paglalakad. Kumunot ang noo ko at sumunod nalang.

I walked slowly down the stone steps. Usok ng uling ang sumalubong sa akin, a faint sizzle of something cooking and the unmistakable smoky tang of meat being grilled.

Pagliko ko sa may poolside ay nahinto. Cronus stood by the outdoor grill, bare-chested, wearing only a pair of dark drawstring shorts. His back was to me, muscles shifting under his skin as he turned the skewers over the open flame.

"You're here," he said without looking up, as if he'd known the exact moment I arrived.

Hindi ako sumagot o nagsalita man lang. Instead, I stepped closer, arms crossed against my chest, not sure if it was the heat or something else that made my pulse quicken.

I glanced at it, thick slices of meat already browning. That was always his tactic. He set the tongs down slowly and looked at me.

"Anong ginagawa mo?" malamig na tanong ko.

He didn't even look surprised. He simply wiped his hands on a towel before meeting my gaze.

"Making breakfast," he said. "For you. For us."

"I'm not hungry."

That was a lie, and we both knew it. My stomach was tight with hunger. But my pride was stronger than my appetite.

He nodded, unbothered and turned back to the small table beside the grill. He picked up a plate, scooped a serving of garlic rice, then carefully laid slices of grilled pork belly on top. The way he plated it, it almost looked like an offering. He held it out to me. Hindi ako gumalaw.

"Satin..."

"Sa tingin mo ba, basta nalang mawawala ang galit ko sa'yo at pangungulila ko sa pamilya ko dahil diyan?"