Chapter One- The beginning
I stand awkwardly at the back of the gym hall, hiding behind the groups of thin people. I am the fatty. Someone once told me that everyone has that fat friend, but none of my friends are fat. I am the fat friend. I bet nobody else in this gym hall is 126lbs. Or a size 10 for that matter! All these people are size 6 or size 4. I pull my gym shirt down a bit to try and cover my huge thighs. My thunder thighs. The bane of my life. The part of my body i would kill to be smaller. I hear giggling behind me, I turn and it stops. I stare at my so called friend, Ellie. Her laughter echo's across the hall. I try not to cry, and pull my top lower. I hear one of the girls cough and say "camel toe" which only makes Ellie laugh more. As i run around the gym hall playing basketball I can feel there judgmental eyes watching my fat wobble. They can see every flaw just as well as i can, the flaws which break me and destroy my every waking thought. I stare at the clock, willing time to go faster. It doesn't.
As soon as the lesson finishes I make my way over to the changing rooms as quickly as possible. I hastily pull of my pe clothes and change into school uniform, all whilst sucking in my stomach, but I still feel their eyes on me, watching, judging. I race away from the changing room as fast as I can, I ignore Ellie's shouts. She only wants me to be her friend when she wants something. Then again, who actually want's to hang around with the fat girl. I get to the cafeteria before my "friends". An idea forms in my head, I've never exactly done this before, but I make my way over to a bin. Quick as a flash I chuck my lunch into it. I hide the now empty box at the back of my bag.
People ask about my lunch throughout lunch break, I say I forgot it. It's an easy enough thing to do. I refuse their offers of food, why would I want to eat that? Are they trying to make me fatter than I already am? I ignore the growl in my stomach, I haven't gone this long without food before, but then again I've never been this fat before.
The rest of the day passes in a blur of hunger and boredom. As I make my way to the school bus, I plug my earphones in. I'm lucky most days, if there's a spare seat on the bus. As usual I stand awkwardly near the front of the bus. I just want to get home now. I'm lucky, the people on this bus aren't like Ellie. I chat to them most days, they ask if I'm okay. But today I just flash a smile and say I'm just tired. I'm not. The fact that I haven't eaten feels like a secret that shouldn't be shared. Not with anyone. As soon as the bus reaches my stop I pelt it off, I just want to go home. I run down the road to my house, a little exercise will do me good. But as soon as I open the door I can smell food. Fuck. My mother cooks dinner, every single night. I know I've got to eat it. As she dishes it out for me I can smell the sizzling sausages and the creamy mash. I just want to reach out and eat it all. But I don't. I chuck my bag in my room and go down the stairs to the table where we start to eat. I move it around a bit on my plate. One bite would be the end of me, one bite and I'll be sucked in, one bite and I'll eat it all. Instead I cut it up, into small pieces and chew slowly. Taking big gulps of water between each bite. But almost half the plates gone by the time I finish eating. I look at my legs in disgust. I have no self control.
