I walk down the corridor to the dance studio with my earphones already plugged in. The sharp school carpet hurts my barefeet, but I left my school shoes in the changing rooms and I don't feel like ballet today. I push open the door to the empty studio and instantly try and not look in the mirror. All I would see is my fat body pulled into leggings, a black t-shirt pulled over my bulging fat, and an oversized hoodie failing to cover up my tree trunks for arms. I try and avoid looking in the mirror whilst I run over the dance me and abi have been creating. It's a good dance, shame I'm such a fat dancer. Everytime I accidently catch a glimse of myself in the mirror I grimace and tear my eyes away. After a while the dance starts to bore me, and I start just improvising to music on my ipod. I click on MI- weightless. The japanese feel of the music annoys me but I improvise easily and dance my thoughts away.
I feel sweat dripping down my face, for the first time in months I feel warm and not freezing cold. But to warm. I try and mentally calculate when I last cut my arms. I shrug the scars can't be too bad, and there's no one else in here. I pull off my hoodie and chuck it to the side of the room. Ugh, now my fat arms are on show, the flubber spilling out from my t-shirt. Why did I wear a short sleeved top! I push the thoughts away and go back to dancing, at least I don't have to think then.
The music blasting through my ears keeps me alive, and the way my body moves to the music makes me feel alive. But all good things end.
My favourite ana song is playing in my ears, eyesore by maria mena. My dance is improvised and completly made up on the spot. Yet when my music finishes I notice miss osborne by the door smiling. I pull my earphones out of my ears.
"You know, that is the most passionatly I have ever seen you dance!" She exclaims with a smile.
"Er thanks?" She walks towards me,
"What song was that to?" Shit, I think, I can't tell her the truth. She'll get the wrong end of the song. So I just shrug.
"I'm not sure, my ipod was on shuffle, and I didn't recongnize the song" I lie, unconvincingly. She raises an eyebrow but doesn't push it. I move my arm to put my earphones back in when she grabs my arm. Her eyes flit over the deep wounds which appear some much worse in the harsh light of the dance studio,
"Tori, what are these?" She says softly, her worried eyes boring into my head.
"I got into a fight with captain hook" I say with a cheeky smile. She rolls her eyes, but keeps just looking at me. I shiver under her stare and I pull my arm out of her grip. I shrug and say
"Okay, I'm okay. I'm absoloutely fine. There's nothing wrong with me. My cat is just a bit violent, that's all!" I exclaim. She looks at me, her eyes say she doesn't believe me.
"Tori, you hate cats." That's true, I do actually freak out whenever I see one and believe me she has witnessed this to many times due to one permanantly wandering around our school.
"And that's why I hate them" I over a forced smile and then walk out of the dance studio, my mask almost slipping as she sighs and says "tori" after me. But I don't look back. I just push the door open and leave her alone in the dance studio.
