I roll my eyes, I no way am I tiny.
“I’m serious Tori, have you lost weight?” I laugh and get up of the sofa,
“of course not” I stand with my feet together, “look, tiny people have thigh gaps, I on the other hand don’t”
“Tori,” my mum says sternly. “Have you been eating?” my heart starts to thump quickly in my chest,
“yes!” I say, “in fact I’m starving,” I walk into the kitchen “do you want pancakes?” My mum raises an eyebrow, but says sure. I breath out a little, and start to make pancakes. I splash some a little mix into the pan, and watch it sizzle. Pancakes contain 66 calories, but it’s 15 calories per teaspoon of sugar. I flip the pancake and sigh. I really don’t want to eat anything else today but I also don’t want mum to think I’m not eating. I watch the pancake go golden before flipping it onto a plate and handing it to mum who’s sat at the breakfast bar behind me. I make myself a slightly smaller pancake, and manage to only put 3 tablespoons of sugar on it. I cringe as I eat it, I feel my mums eyes on me as I take each bite. I can feel my eyes slowly filling up, I’m going to cry any minute. I look up at the clock,
“I should probably go and get ready to go out” I say and my mum nods, and starts to wash up. I pelt it up the stairs and into my room. Only then do I let it all out, put muffled into my pillow. I breath in and out, in and out, trying to calm myself.
You fatty, not only did you eat all that toast you went and ate all those pancakes! Dearie me, you really like being a fat ass , don’t you?
No! I scream internally, I don’t!
Well you sure as hell ain’t doing anything about it! are you! You know what you’ve got to do now,
I reach to the secret hiding place behind my corkboard, and take out a blade. I stick them with blue stack to the back of my corkboard, then they won’t get found easily. I run the thin metal over my hip. I watch, entranced, as the blood weeps from my skin. I breath out as the pain reliefs me, I make a few more cuts , before sticking plasters over the top of them, I wince in pain as the sticky part of the plasters goes into a cut.
I just finish putting on a little lipgloss when I hear mum shouting up the stairs that I’m going to be late. I sigh, and quickly shove black pumps on and a cardigan. I look in the mirror one last time. I look ok, If I was thinner I would look a lot better but oh well. I shove my phone in my jean pocket and leave my room.
Mum pulls up outside the back of the shop,
“it’s going to be fine,” she says to me, she sensed I’m nervous, I just give a nervous smile and get out of the car. I walk up to the door and press the buzzer attached to the door. I smile as the tiny woman- Rachel I think her name was? Opens the door, good think I wore flats, she's also shorter than me, and I'm not exactly tall! 'Come In' she beams at me, I follow her up some stairs, the whole time noticing just how tiny she really she is. Her legs are pretty much half the size of mine! Why do my legs have to be so fat?
Because you're a fatty that never stops eating.
I push the voice away and follow rachel into her office.
For half and hour I get spoken to about health and safety, dress code, etc. Quite boring, for someone who was listening. I honestly couldn't stop comparing myself to rachel the whole time, she so thin, and gorgeous wear as I'm just a fat, ugly mistake of a girl. I thought that if I wore black it would slim me down a bit, turns out not even clothes can make me look thinner.
' Don't worry if you can't remember all that!' Rachel says, thank god, because let's face it, I wasn't exactly listening! 'So do you think you could work in the mornings one week and the afternoons the other, and so on?' I smile and nod,
'Sure' my voice quivers, I hope she doesn't notice that maybe, maybe I'm not okay right now. Maybe I feel like breaking down, maybe I feel like falling to the ground in tears. Or maybe I'll just fake a smile and bear it, like always.
AN: sorry it's so short! And sorry that this one section has taken such a long time! It was a difficult thing to try and write down, so don't worry if you don't get it! Oh my goodness! Thank you guys so much for all the votes, reads, comments and fans! It really makes my day, you guys motivate me to keep writing, if I didn't have all this support then I honestly believe that this story would be on hold by now! So thank you :)
