AN: sorry if you haven't caught all the names of Tori's friends so far, there is quite a few but they are important so I've written them all here: There's Abi,Emily, Jenny, Ellie (well she isn't much of a friend tbh!) and Rose which have been mentioned so far and there's also going to be an important character introduced in this chapter called Bethany (Beth for short) but that's all the important main characters that are her friends! Thanks for reading! <3
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"you seem different lately Tori," Abi says to me when I sit next to her on the bus after school
"I've just been a bit caught up with revision and everything" I lie, and force a smile.
"you know Rose told me all about what happened in volleyball." I know Abi would find out sooner or later, our group of friends is quite close. But I didn't think it would be so soon!
"yeah, I've been pretty cut up about that today, but I'm going to be fine! honestly, I've already gotten over it , they we're just being bitches." I ramble unconvincingly, Abi raises an eyebrow at that.
"just as long as you remember that, you're not any of the things they said you were, and we can go to miss tomorrow and ask If you can be assessed again in the next lesson, ok?" I smile,
"okay! Now I've got to go" I say as the bus pulls up to the stop, I stand up and smile, "see ya tomorrow!" I wave. I keep up the act until I get home, my mums out. Thank goodness. Only then do I let my fake smile and attitude drop. What happened in volleyball really got to me , and it's not something I'm going to forget in a while.
You fat bitch, why did you let yourself break down like that? Now people are going to take the piss out of you even more! Phaa, that's if they even care about you. After all who actually cares about the fat kid.
I shake away my own thoughts, even if they are true. I walk into the kitchen and see a note stuck to the counter;
I'm out getting your brother from his football training, won't be back until late so make your own tea. Love you!
Mum
Xx
I sigh and look down at my thighs. Do I deserve do let myself have anything to eat for tea?
Aha why would you need to eat? It's only going to make you even fatter than you already are! I shrug the voice away, but walk away from the kitchen. I go to my room instead. I tug at my tight black pencil skirt I wear for school, I cringe at the sight of my fat legs. I need motivation to avoid eating though. The sight of my legs makes me want to be sick, but I can't stay in my school uniform. I quickly change into a pair of shorts and a tank top. A lot of flesh is on show, a lot of fat is on show. It's like I'm punishing myself. I settle myself on my bed and turn on my laptop. I log into facebook, no notifcations or friend requests as usual, but there is one message;
"Hey Tori! Haven't spoken in a while, how are you??" It's bethany, we we're really close in middle school. Beth's also anorexic. I used to compare myself to her everyday at school, she was taller than me ( 5ft 6' where as I'm 5ft 5') and also a lot thinner. She never ate lunch and when I got into the habit of not eating it either she was the one who supported me, and helped me. Yet beth is one of the nicest people I will ever know, even if she did help to lead me astray. We live quite close to each other so we hang out a bit in the holidays but not as much as we used to sadly, but its always good to catch up. I look at my computer screen and sees beths online, so I quickly tap a reply.
'Heya beth! I'm doing good :/ ish, more importantly how are you?"
"I'm okay, bit stressed over sch but nothing major, did u see the latest episode of supersize v superskinny?"
"Omg totally!! I <3 that show!"
"Ikr! I could never eat as much as the fat person! I mean do they want to get even fatter!"
"Ugh, I couldn't either! Kill me if I ever get that big ;) "
"Same! And the thin persons self control is amazing <3 if only I could do as well as them..."
"Ik, their diet really doesn't need changing, their perfect the way they are'
"And if they eat more they'll only get bigger!"
"Ewwww fat is not attractive!!"
"Aha, lol!"
Our conversation goes on like that for a while, to people who don't know us our conversations can seem weird and scary but the thing is, we both need someone we can talk to who won't judge and force us to eat and get even fatter. Me and beth can relate to these sort of things where as if I talked to rose about these sort of things she'll just say the thin person Is too thin and try to get me to eat more. But in my eyes you can never get too thin.
When I finally finish chatting to beth Its late at night. My mum got home a while ago now, I sleep a lot nowadays. I brush my teeth etc and change into an oversized black top and get into my bed. I turn out the lights and plug in my earphones. I listen to lisa loebs 'she's falling apart'
"There's nothing inside her, she 's weak and she's tired, of feeling like this.
And they rise in the morning, and they sleep in the dark, and even though nobodys looking. She's falling apart."
AN/ another author note! Sorry guys, this was a bit of a filler chapter, but I hope you still enjoyed it! I'm going to be updating every Sunday from now on J like, comment and fan <3
