I walk home from the charity shop In a high. I have 2 weeks. This is the motivation I need to finally get off my fat ass and lose the rest of this weight. The walk isn’t long but it’s long enough for me to formulate my plan. Never over 500 calories a day, running every other evening, dance at lunch every single day. No more excuses. I will do this.
I push open the front door and am instantly hit with the stench of food cooking. “hey Tori, how was work?” my mum asks as I open the fridge and grab a diet coke.
“alright, Rachel’s in hospital.” I open the can and take a gulp of the perfect zero calorie soda.
“ah what happened?”
“nothing much, she only hurt her ankle.” My mum starts to dish up pasta onto plates.
“you want any?” she says referring to the pasta. I ignore the pains in my stomach that are telling me I haven’t eaten all day.
“no thanks, Sarah brought doughnuts and cream eclairs to work so I’m stuffed.” I lie through my teeth “looks great tho” I flash a smile at my mother before going upstairs to avoid temptation. New rule. Only eat when I absolutely have to. I fling myself on my bed and pick up my art sketchbook of the floor. I’m supposed to finish an A3 drawing of Big Ben by Monday. I open the heavy folder, take one look at the work before pushing it away from me and grabbing “letting ana go” off the floor. I recently found the book online and I just fell in love with it. Even if I do think that the main character eats way too many calories. There is no way I’d ever be able to stomach 1200 calories a day. I’d gain at least 2lbs from it! Ugh, I shiver at the thought.
I fall asleep reading the book, needless to say I didn’t even attempt to work on my Art homework. Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort,
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort
The song “last resort” by papa roach blares from my phone waking me up from my sleep, I groan and turn off the alarm. I pull my fat body out of bed and over to my bathroom were I strip and pee out excess water. I close my eyes and step onto the hard metal object that measures my sins. 101lbs. HOW ON EARTH HAVE I MAINTAINED! I pull my underwear on and stomp out of my bathroom in a furious mood. Obviously I haven’t tried hard enough. I sigh in frustration and lie on the floor. I pull my torso up and do 100 crunches. Eventually I stand up, sore and aching I drag my fat ass over to the closet where I grab my hideous uniform, a black skirt , white blouse and black jumper. I tame my brown curls so they look halfway presentable, I don’t have the energy to straighten my hair. I apply my make up quickly before grabbing my bag pack and walking out my room. If I spend too long in front of the mirror I’ll only give myself a panic attack. I grab a cereal bar from the kitchen and say bye to my mother before leaving for the bus.
Of course the cereal bar gets shoved into my bag uneaten but leaving the house without eating would cause too many questions. When I get to school my first lesson is gym so I rush to the changing rooms. I take my bag into one of the cubicles, I don’t want all the thin, perfect girls seeing my fat body. I change out of my clothes. I pull on the tight black t-shirt with my schools logo embroidered on it and some black cycling shorts. As I leave the cubicle to chuck my clothes in my gym locker I remember the insulting lesson where I first realised how fat I was. Back when I was 126lbs. But somehow I feel even fatter than I was back then. I trudge over to the dance studio. Typically our group has dance this term. I sigh, as much as I love dance there is no way I am willing to do it with my PE group. I walk in but notice the group of people I call “friends” aren’t here yet. The only person I’m truly close to is Abi and of course we don’t have PE together. The teacher isn’t here yet either but of course all the other bitchy girls are. I try and ignore them when they walk over to me. Ellie grabs hold of my shoulders.
“oh look what we have here, it seems our little friend FAToria is pushing back her hips to make it look like she has a thigh gap! How adorable” I peer down and sure enough I do have my long awaited thigh gap. But I’m pretty sure it’s not an illusion.
“Ellie, I’m not sure it’s an illusion.” Speaks up one of my “friends” The bitchy girls peer me up and down and analyse my body. I shift uncomfortably, I don’t want people looking at me.
“you’re right!” says Ellie astoundly, “it seems out little fatty has lost a lot of weight!”
“aren’t you eating you little freak,” ellie walks around me in a circle. “that’s what you are, an anorexic freak,” she laughs. The other girls join in with their insults. But I’m not anorexic, definitely not skinny,
The teacher saves me by entering the room. Only it’s my dance teacher. I forgot she’s my PE teacher too. I sigh, a hand rests on my shoulder. I jump “sorry, are you okay Tori?” Rose is stood beside me. “we only just got here and only saw part of it.”
“I’m fine, I swear”
“no, you’re not, and this needs to stop. Let me tell someone Tori.”
“it’s only going to get worse if you do!”
“I’ve heard what they’re saying about you, you know that you’re an anorexic.” I laugh
“believe me, hun, I am most definitely not an anorexic!” Rose looks me up and down.
“you’ve lost a lot of weight.”
“I really haven’t , it’s just all this dance I’ve been doing, it’s toned me up a bit that’s all!” she frowns as if she doesn’t quite believe me, but before she has a chance to argue miss Osborne starts the lesson.
AN:
Oh my gosh guys! I finally uploaded! I’m so so so sorry,
I also wanted to say originally Tori was based of me, and she is me to a certain extent only I know what I’m going to do with the story now and how it’s going to end (which btw will probably be in the next 4/5 chapters). Therefore I will be using my imagination and it may not be 100% accurate eating disorder wise. This is also because I’m not 100lbs like tori. I am actually slightly more, but I’m not going to post my weight here.
Finally! Thank you guys so much for staying with this book throughout it’s hiatus! I love all off you so much and I promise it’s going to be once a week uploads again now
