That Volleyball Player

22

Not even the moment the trailing edge of the sun's disk disappears below the horizon can lift up my mood, the heavy feelings still lingers in my chest. I sighed for the nth time and kept my gaze on the breathtaking view.

I already said sorry to the team, pero hindi ko pa rin makuha ang lakas ng loob na harapin sina Axeia and Addison. Nahihiya ako. And I know mali din na pinili kong tumakas na naman, ang piliing sandaling lumayo at mag-isip. But I'm still not ready.

"Nakakabobo talaga ang pag-ibig." I whispered at saka muling tinungga ang laman ng lata.

Muntik pa akong masamid nang makilala ang babaeng nakapa-meywang sa harapan ko ngayon na bigla na lang lumitaw mula sa kung saan. I gulped. Paano niya ako nahanap?

"You're drinking again?" kunot ang noong tanong nito. "And what are you doing here, alone? You left your phone, hindi ka umattend ng practice, wala ka din sa University. Ang paalam mo lang kay G, pupunta ka lang ng convenience store at bibili ng gatas. Tapos dito pala kita makikita sa resort, a three-hour drive from your condo. Seriously, what were you thinking, Ezra Elliot?"

"I-It's true though, I bought milk at the convenience store." I answered at itinaas ang hawak na milk-in-can. "H-How about you? Why are you here?"

Hindi ito sumagot at walang paalam na kinuha ang hawak kong gatas at ininom, nagpakawala ito ng malalim na hininga at naupo sa tabi ko.

"I'm worried. The moment that you walked away last night, I had a feeling that you'll push me away, that you'll choose to vanish." malungkot na tugon nito. "Kagabi pa sana kita pupuntahan, but Galvez told me that it's not a good idea. You're lost and hurt. Umiiyak ka daw until you fell asleep."

I bit my lower lip and avoided her gaze. That's why I don't drink, I became vulnerable. Yung mga bottled feelings ko doon sumasabog, that's also the time na nakakasakit ako ng ibang tao.

I remembered, noong mga panahong nasasaktan pa ako dahil sa pag-iwan ni Quinn, I got drunk. Akala ko kasi paggising ko kinabukasan, mawawala iyong bigat, iyong sakit, na magiging okay na ako after. But no, dumating pa sa point na dahil sa kalasingan sinisi ko ang lahat. Pinipigilan lang naman nila akong uminom, nadamay at nasaktan ko pa sila. Si Mommy, dahil feeling ko ayaw niya kay Quinn para sa akin. Si Mama, dahil nai-intimidate sa kanya si Quinn at si G, dahil hindi ko maramdaman na sinusuportahan niya iyong relationship namin. I got mad at them for nonsense reasons. But sa huli, sarili ko lang din ang sinisi ko, ang kinuwestyon ko, na kaiwan-iwan talaga ako, na hindi ako enough.

"Elliot, I'm sorry." Axeia started. "I'm sorry, kasi hindi ko naisip na nasasaktan ka na pala, na iba na pala ang iniisip mo between us. But to make it clear, there's nothing going on, wala kaming relasyon ni Addi. We're just friends, and she's just helping me, us." I frowned but she raised her right hand when I'm about to speak. "To tell you the truth, may ilang pictures kasi tayo na nag-viral, medyo intimate. Hindi ka siguro aware, kasi hindi ka naman babad sa socmed." alanganing dugtong nito. "Kahit iyong sa practice game, may naa-upload. Then, naisip namin na member ng team ang source. To support our claim and to divert the issue, we pretended that there's something between us talaga, that explains our closeness and those times na palagi kaming magkasama, then as we expected, pictures naman namin ang biglang kumalat. We're not 100% sure but we think it's Smith. Wala siya kagabi, right? Then wala ding pictures na kumakalat."

"I'm confused, why are you doing this? Bakit kailangang i-divert ang issue or whatsoever?" So, those times when Addison appeared out-of-nowhere, she's protecting us?

"Because of you, because you prefer to be private, to be lowkey." She held my shoulders and maingat akong pinaharap sa kanya. "Ayokong masira ang kung anumang meron tayo dahil lang sa social media, dahil lang sa iilang pictures. Magiging magulo at maingay ang mundo mo when you're with me, but I promise to protect your peace. If you want us to be private, I'll do anything to maintain that. Just stay, Elliot. Stay and communicate with me, hmm?" I bit my lip and frowned but failed, a tear fell hanggang magsunod-sunod na. "H-hey, why are you crying? I'm sorry, I'm sorry kasi hindi ko kaagad nilinaw, hindi ko agad sinabi. I'm sorry." she whispered while embracing me. "It's unfair I know, I'm really sorry."

"W-why are you like that?" I asked. "So, what if there's pictures of us? I don't have a plan of hiding you. I want privacy, yes. I want it to be lowkey, yes. But hiding you, hiding us? That's a no." I gasped while tapping her back. "B-But I—I was insecure." I muttered, kakalas sana siya sa yakap pero umiling ako at ipinatong ang noo sa balikat niya. "I want you, I really want you. Gusto kitang ipagdamot, p-pero.." I paused as my tears kept flowing. "--pero kapag si Addison ang kalaban, naduduwag ako."

"E-Elliot.."

"I'm one of those people who sees you with her, how you glow, how you laugh. I'm one of those people who wishes for your happiness, for your long lasting love. And now that we're here, proving each other that we deserve this, I'm starting to feel afraid. P-paano kung hindi kita mapasaya gaya niya? Paano kung masaktan lang kita? I have so many what-ifs, Axeia. That's why, if she's still into you, if you still have feelings for her, know that I'm willing to let you go, I'll let you choose her."

"No, no Elliot." she held my face while wiping my tears although she's crying too. "Don't think that way, okay? We were happy, yes. But our story ends, we're just friends. Hindi na maibabalik iyong dati, wala na din kaming balak, okay? To ease your mind, she's pursuing someone." she paused. "And I'll choose you, palagi. Kahit itulak mo ako, kahit tumakas ka, hahanapin at susundan kita. Wala ka ng kawala sa akin the moment you let me enter your life."

"I-I'm sorry." I wiped her tears. "I'm sorry, I made you cry." I murmured. "I didn't realize how broken and insecure I am until now." I held her hands and kissed it. "I will do my best to be a better person for us, to make this work. I'll make you stay because I'm enough. I'll love you everyday, Axeia." I kissed her forehead and embraced her. "Thank you for finding me, baby."

"W-What? B-Baby?"

"Yes, baby?" marahan ako nitong tinulak na ikinasimangot ko. "Yakap pa."

"G-gosh. Ano ba itong pinasok ko? One time, we're crying then biglang magpapakilig. Tamang desisyon ba 'to? Kakayanin ba natin 'to heart?" bubulong-bulong na turan ni Axeia while fanning her face. She cleared her throat at pilit pinapaseryoso ang mukha. "Let's make this clear, Ezra Elliot, why all of a sudden you're calling me b-baby?"

"Because you are my baby."

"Y-You're calling me baby, may endearment ka na sakin, but we're still courting each other." maktol nito. "Unfair!"

"Then call me baby, too." I smiled habang maingat na pinupunasan ang bakas ng mga luha sa pisngi nito. "Still beautiful kahit iyakin."

"W-Why you're like that?" mahinang turan nito bago ngumuso. "Be my girlfriend first, before I call you baby."

"Okay, baby. I'm your girlfriend now. Be ready, ipagdadamot na kita." I answered and gave her a quick, light kiss on the lips. "I love you, always."

"W-What the? Did you just—are you for real Ezra Elliot!"