First Love (Sekaiichi Hatsukoi)

Chapter 10

Onodera POV

We were at Takano's house, I don't want to be here. He brought me into his house and pinned me against the wall and started to kiss me. I grabbed onto his arms really hard and tried to stop the kiss. He started to forcefully put his tongue into my mouth. He started to kiss me roughly and put his hands on my shoulders. I turned my head to end the kiss and said "Stop this Takano San, its not funny anymore". I don't want to stay here anymore longer, I'll get sucked in. I felt Takano push me down to the ground and held my arms down. I struggled to get up, "Takano! I want to leave already"! He looked at me and said "Do you love me or not"? I just want to leave, I felt my eyes about to get watery, I don't want to answer that question now! "Just leave me alone". I pushed Takano off me and ran out the door. My eyes were starting to get more watery, I hate this so much. I opened my apartment door, went inside quick and closed the door. I took off my shoes and entered my living. I noticed, when was the last time I slept in my bed. Usually I would sleep with Takano.....

I went to the bathroom to take a shower and went straight to bed. Why do I have to think about Takano all the time, every time I'm near him, I feel weird. I can't even say I love him, what will he do if I told him, does a happy ending come? What happens!? I don't want to be heart broken again, but I guess I really do love him again. I'm so confused, I can't even tell him that I do. I started to feel tears almost falling from my eyes. I wiped them quickly and heard a buzz from my phone, I picked it up and saw it was from Takano. It read "Come over". Like hell I will, I just ignored his text he sent me. I went to sleep after, thinking, what should I do anymore?

(Dreaming)

I saw Sempai at the library again, we were alone. I went up to him all happy saying "Sempai! I got you this book, you said you really liked this author, so I got you the newest book"! I smiled at Sempai, he looked at me and got up from his chair and ruffled my hair. I saw him smile, he actually smiled, he rarely, I mean never smiles! "Thank you Ritsu", he said my first name, my heart is pounding so much. Its pounding this fast just cause he said my name, just by him looking at me makes my heart pound this fast. "Anything for you Sempai", I'm so nervous around him right now. He then put his hand on my cheek and said "I love you Ritsu, again, thank you for this". He put his over hand on my other cheek of my face and kissed me. This feels so magical, the petals in the library and outside, him kissing me. He stopped kissing me and looked at me, my eyes were teary, not of sadness, but of joy and happiness. I'm happy because I'm able to be by Sempai's side for now on, tears started to go down my face. Sempai noticed the tears and said "Are you crying"? "No I'm not". I looked down so he wouldn't notice, "No". I felt Sempai cup my face and looked at me and said "Liar". He them smiled and wiped my tears with one of his hand. I grabbed onto the side of shirt with both of my hands when I felt Sempai kiss me. "Next time don't lie to me". I then smiled and said "Sure Sempai, sorry"! He smiled still cupping my face in his hands. It feels so magical again, is this how much I love Sempai? I never want Sempai to leave me.

(End of dream)

GWAHHHHH!! Was that a dream? No, no, no that was a nightmare, but it felt so real. The past is still stuck in my mind. I just sighed and checked the time, I went to turn and hit the snooze button, when I did, I realized I use to see Takano next to me. It feels weird sleeping in my own bed again, usually I'll be sleeping with Takano. But yesterday though, I feel bad doing that, will he feel offended since I left?

Why do I feel scared to go to work again, will he ignore me, will he talk to me at work. Why am I even getting so worked up about this. Even if he doesn't talk to me, it wouldn't effect me at all, I hope.

I arrived at work in the office, everyone was doing what there suppose to do. Kisa San looked really tired, I almost forgot, the cycle ends today. I looked over the manuscripts like always. The weird thing though is that Takano didn't say 'hi' to me yet. Why am I getting so worked up about it. But he keeps staring at me, is he going to say something or not? Him staring at me is making my heart beat fast. Is he going to ever talk to me since I didn't tell him how I felt about him. When I was still thinking about problems with Takano, I heard Kisa San say "We're...done....finally". Kisa San looks dead tired, I'm glad the cycle ends today. Snapping out of my daydreaming, Hatori said to all of us "I will be going to Chiharu Yoshikawa house to discuss about her new character plans she will be creating". Takano shook his head nodding a 'yes'. Hatori left and Kisa San, why in all awkward moments do we have to be alone?! I started to work faster so I can maybe leave early, an hour past by, its still day time. This is more awkward, Takano would usually tell me to work on some stuff or say something. This is bugging me! When Takano doesn't interact, I feel pissed off and I feel like its my fault he's not talking to me too! Did I hurt him again, its my fault I didn't stay at his house, but I also told him to stop and he wouldn't. But he's also forceful on me so that would explain why he didn't stop. Still, I can't concentrate on work if this problem is going to be on my mind this whole time. Even Yokozawa said 'Its your fault Masamune is hurt', its my fault!