Always Been My Greatest

Greatest 33

Always Been My Greatest 33

"Tita Rese, this is Paulo, the man I am in love with." Tristan introduced me to her aunt—Therese.

Shock flickered in her eyes, unmistakable and raw. She couldn't even meet my gaze. She knew me. She knew that I was the son of the woman she once loved.

As I stared at her, I felt the gentle touch of Tristan's lips on my shoulder—a silent reassurance, an anchor in the storm.

Kaya ko pa ba?

"Hi!" iyon na lang ang kinaya kong sabihin. Maski ang pilit at pekeng ngiti ay hindi ko magawang ibigay rito.

Pilit siyang ngumiti at marahang tinapik ang aking balikat. "Hi, Paulo. I'm Therese uhm...you....can call me Tita Therese."

Oh, fuck. Really?

Tangina.

I simply nodded. I wanted to escape, to run far away from this moment, but I couldn't leave Tristan. He was too happy tonight, and I couldn't bear to shatter that happiness.

Mukhang gaya ko ay hindi na rin makatagal pa si Therese na kausap ako. Kung nahihiya siya, dapat lang. She once broke my mother's heart, left her behind to chase her own dreams of marriage and family.

"Enjoy the night, lovebirds!"

Tristan kissed her cheeks. "We will, Tita."

"Restroom lang ako," paalam ko at walang sabing umalis na roon.

Hindi ko alam kung nasaan ang banyo. Wala na akong panahon para magtanong pa. I wandered through the vast mansion, biting my lower lip, praying my tears wouldn't fall.

Huwag ka munang tumulo please.

Minutes passed, and still I couldn't find it. My feet led me instead to a dark corner of their garden.

The music and laughter from the main garden echoed in the night, but here, in the shadows, it was different—silent and heavy, a perfect mirror for the storm inside me.

I braced myself against the wall, my left hand clutching at my chest. I couldn't breathe.

"Bakit...." I cried silently.

Tumingala ako, ang mga mata ay nagtatanong.

Bakit kung kailan mahal na mahal ko na, saka mo babawiin? Bakit kung kailan siguradong-sigurado na ako, saka mo gagawin ang bagay na 'to?

Bawal ba ako kung sumaya?

Tangina!

Bawal ba akong magmahal?

Kaya ko na siyang ilaban. Kaya ko nang panindigan si Tristan pero sa lahat ng problema, bakit ito pa? Oo, wala na si Therese at Mommy, pero iyong sakit na minsan kong nakuha sa kanila, andito pa rin. Nasa puso ko pa rin.

Noong nakita ko si Therese, bumalik iyong sakit para sa mas batang Paulo. Iyong sakit na alam mong hindi na mabubuo pa ang pangarap mong masaya at buong pamilya dahil meron nang "siya" sa buhay ng Mommy?

That night I saw them together, holding each other, loving each other—every memory came crashing back.

I wiped my face, but the tears kept flowing.

"Bakit ako na naman? Pagod na pagod na akong masaktan at makasakit. Tangina naman, e."

Ilang minuto pa ang itinagal ko roon, pilit ikinakalma ang sarili. Gusto kong tiisin bago tapusin. Gusto kong pagbigyan ang sarili kahit saglit. Kahit sandali lang ulit.