Room 224 (Bellarke)

Chapter 22

Clarke's POV-
I woke up next to Bellamy who was sleeping. In his sleeping form he looked so peaceful, so pure, like nothing in the world bothered him. Last night he told me everything, I saw a side of him that I never knew he had. I didn't know weather I should lay here and wait for Bellamy to wake up, or if I should get up now and start my day, even though there was nothing that I had to do anyway. So I laid there looking at the ceiling. Thinking about everything that happened, remembering every moment of last night.
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(Last night, Clarke's POV)
We got to the house and unlocked the door Bellamy stepped inside, sighing and he started walking away from me.

"Bellamy? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He paused as he walked over to me "Clarke, I'm-I'm so sorry" and he embraced me. I felt tears soak through my shirt and onto my skin.

"Bellamy, what are you talking about, what happened." I said returning his embrace "you're scaring me." I whispered into his ear. "Tell me what happened."

He pulled back and kissed the top of my head "I can't tell you, I know, I know. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me." He paused, embracing me again "please Clarke." He whispered despretly.

"Why can't you tell me? Bellamy, please. Please don't push me away, I need to know." I said as I walked him over to the couch that was in the living room area. And even though I was basically begging for him to tell me so I could help him. I was scared, and truthfully, I didn't want to know.

"Because, I'm scared that if I tell you, and I let you in," he paused not meeting my gaze "you'll leave, and, and I won't be able to get you back. " he said still not looking directly at me. Which kinda bugged me.

"Bellamy look at me." I said putting one had on each side of his face forcing him to look back at me "I'm here now, and no matter what happened, no matter what it is, I'm here for you, it's ok. But you need to let me in, Bellamy. Please"

"But Clarke I-"

I interrupted cutting him off  "no Bellamy. You have to tell me! To be completely honest, I don't want to know, I'm scared of the words that might leave your mouth! But Bellamy you have to tell me! Everything! You can't run away from this, because whatever it is, I do need to know, no matter what you think I'll do! And I don't like to ask about anything like this because the last time I did, you're the one that left! And you can't keep pushing me away while I'm blind! You can't, because I'm sick of feeling like I have to tiptoe around everything!" I said, a lot harsher then I needed to, and the hurt look on his face was enough to make me sorry that I said anything in the first place. "Bellamy I-"

"No Clarke you're right." I looked at him with some confusion. "You're right, I'm sorry." He sighed before he continued I looked at him, just wanting to kiss him to stop anything that's about to come out of his mouth, but I knew I had to let him say it, I had to let him tell me, everything. "Clarke, I-I need you like I need air and water and I can't even look at us without thinking of the worst because I know, I know that you try to make me happy every second of the day, that you are always making my day better, and you've never done one thing to hurt me, I only hurt you. I put on a fake smile everyday because I'm scared to tell you that every night that all I see is losing you, and it's consuming me and I let it happen, I let you die Clarke, never, not once can I save you. And I know you'd never let that happen to me, I know that you'd save me every single time, and sometimes your already gone, but sometimes, I watch you as I struggle against everyone that tries to hold me back, but no matter what I do I can never get to you. And it's my fault and every time I look at my you I can only picture you walking away because what reason do I ever give you to stay, I mean the other day I was about to sleep with someone else because I was to scared to tell you anything, and I blamed you, and-"

"Bellamy stop. Listen to me. I love you. You're the only guy in my life who I can see 'forever' happening with." I paused searching his eyes desperately for any sign of self forgiveness but I couldn't find any "Bellamy, you can't blame yourself for everything, because it will consume you every second of the day and eventually I won't be able to save you. Ok?" I said continuing to search his eyes

"So, you-" he  paused for a little bit "don't you wanna leave? I mean what do you get out of staying?"

"Well," I said pausing, already knowing exactly what I wanted to say "I get the privilege of seeing the only man that I love every day of my life." I said smiling and he smiled too.

"I love you so much Clarke." He said and he kissed me. The taste of his lips tasted like heaven on earth was real. And I never wanted that moment to end

"I love you too Bellamy."  I said as I pulled back for air, and although I needed air, I needed Bellamy more.
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"I think I wanna stay in bed with you today Bellamy, the beach is over rated" I said laughing as Bellamy opened his eyes

"Agreed!" He said and laughed with me.
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So....what did ya think?

Ok, well I felt like my Bellamy wasn't exactly Bellamy, idk so I hope that made his character more like him, if you felt the same way! And I'm not gonna be able to update on Sunday and maybe Saturday ether because I'm going back to school shopping, but I hope you enjoyed 3 chapters in a day! Which will probably never happen again tbh😂 sorry!😁 but yeah, love all my readers, thank you so much, and I know the entire thing was Clarke's POV (sorry) but hoped you still enjoyed! And yeah! And like always feedback 100% absolutely appreciated!😘  Oh and the chapter alone is 1,000 words exactly and that makes my OCD happy so there ya go😂😂