Don't Wanna Love

30. Jane gets help

Jane

I see the machines beeping.. I find myself in a hospital. I remember everything that had happened.. Alessandro, how he has had kids with that woman.. He was mine.. 

A nurse saw that I woke up. She went out to get the doctor. I had to get out from here. I have to eliminate that woman.

While I was trying to get rid of the pipes attached to my hand, the nurse had come back already with the doctor and they reattached the pipes and put me to sleep.

I kept screaming "I'm going to end her" and I didn't know what happened later..

I woke again and remembered again.. this time I didn't try to run or remove anything. I wanted to meet the doctor and also Alessandro.. 

The doctor came in and told me I am in rehab for my behaviour and thoughts and that I would need help for my violent thoughts about eliminating someone.

I was asked to sign on papers. They were divorce papers with Alessandro. 

I screamed again and again.. I asked to see Alessandro. He came and told me everything, how Sophie was there in his life since the time he was in the US, and that though he was with me, he always loved Sophie.. and that Sophie is the love of his life. And told me he would always support me and care for me, but not like a lover ever.. 

I ended up in tears as usual. It took me over 3 years to come back to normal. To understand Alessandro can never be mine and that love is to not own the person, but to wish them well.. if it has to work, it will work, else we must move on. 

I settled in the UK and got to know Alessandro and Soph were living in US and Italy, juggling between two countries. They seemed happy and they had a girl too.. now along with the twin boys..

I gave divorce to Alessandro within a year of therapy and the next year, he married Sophie while his girl was about a year old.

I was learning to re build my life. I even started to study English and decided to become Italian and English professor here in a local university. At the University, I met Jack, who was a Math professor, we had been dating over the last 1 year. 

He offered to marry me.. I didn't tell him yet, but I am pregnant. I realised that when we love someone, the body also responds.. only if it s mutual, it was never mutual with Alessandro, it was only madness.. I realised now, he paid all my bills and always made sure I was taken care of. 

I wrote him and Sophie emails letting them know, they both are happy for me. I am happy for the first time in my life. I love Jack and jack loves me.. 

I even volunteer at the therapy centre. Every week, I meet girls who are delusional, like I was.. 

I help them and I also learned to live life happily. 

I am so happy Jack is in my life. He is lovely and wonderful man , we are building a wonderfully family with our little boy and we got married too after I gave birth to our boy a year later..

I am at peace. I do visit Italy at times, and Alessandro takes care of my villa and it usually is rented out to air bnb, now that I have become well, he gave me the keys and deposited all the money my villa had made, so we live comfortably and we visit my villa every summer in Italy. 

Our boy Noah loves his summers in Italy with the family.. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------