Someone Borrowed (Completed)

PART 25

Wayne's

The pain won't stop. The agony is still on the top. Fuck. Why is it too hard to let go of your first love? It's really crazy how love played me well. I was too high to even forget about her. Everything about her shouts my own selfish happiness. I am a fool smiling by just seeing her laughing even if she's far from me. I was the one to blame, I perfectly know that. I let her go so I could make another girl happy. I let my love slipped away from me because I am nothing but an ass.

I remembered the first time she left me. I was too wrecked. I tried to understand her tho. But when she cut all our connections, that's the time I got really furious. I promised to make a come back. To revenge. And so when she came back, I was with Chantal. I used the poor girl who happened to like me so much. But I did fall for her too. I never saw that coming or at least expected it.

When I finally saw Selena again, I felt nothing but hate. I tried to feel the love I have for her, but I didn't feel the same intensity anymore. That was also the reason why I admitted to myself that I already moved on from her.

But life is too tricky. I was fooled by my own beliefs. The moment I started my new life with Chantal was the exact moment I found myself drown to my first love, Selena. Over and over again. I don't know why or how did it happen! Damn.

I just woke up one morning, feeling happy and contented. Knowing that she is mine again makes me smile. I did forgive her. She did the same way too. So we're okay. We were okay. Not until I was confronted by Chantal.

"Are you having an affair with that Dela Vega girl?!" Nanggagalaiti niyang tanong sa akin pagkauwi ko ng Tagaytay. Yes. I also live with her, that makes us lived in partner.

"I am tired Chan. Please not now." Napahilot ako ng sentido. Kagagaling ko lamang ng Manila.

"Kung hindi ngayon. Kailan pa? Fuck you Wayne. You told me ako lang diba?" Naiiyak niyang bulyaw sa akin. Doon na ako tuluyang nanghina. Damn. I don't want to see her hurting. Mas mabuting ako na lang. Nilapitan ko na siya at mahigpit na niyakap at hinalikan ng paulit ulit ang kanyang buhok.

"Shhh. Don't cry baby. I love you okay? Ikaw lang." Pang aalo ko sa kanya. I wasn't lying when I said I love her because I do love her. But there is no love as extreme to what I feel for Selena. Mas malayong mahal ko si Selena. The love I feel for Sel is immeasurable. Napapikit ako at biglang lumarawan ang nasasaktang mukha ni Selena. Damn. I am so sorry too Selena. But I can't lose Chantal. Not now.

"Promise me you'll never leave me. Promise me you will always choose me. That you will stay." Mangiyak ngiyak niyang utos sa akin. Mas lalong bumigat ang pakiramdam ko sa sinabi niya. If only my life is not complicated, I will choose the girl I truly love. But Chantal still needs me.

"I promise. Now stop crying. Hush." Hindi na ako makahinga ng maayos pero pinilit kong magpakanormal. I can't leave her, kahit gustuhin kong tumakas kasama si Selena. Hindi ko kayang iwan si Chantal. Her heart is weak. And I don't want to be the cause of her death.

"Iwasan mo na si Selena. Please."
Lalong humigpit ang pagkakayakap ko sa kanya. Mariin akong napapikit sa sinabi niya. God. What will I do? I am trapped with the both of them. Masakit etong gagawin ko, pero kailangan.

"Okay. I will." Pinal na sagot ko sa kanya. Everything went wrong after that decision.

Actually I have planned to hide it from Chantal. Gusto ko pa ring ipagpatuloy ang pakikipagrelasyon kay Selena. Afterall, Selena understands me. Pero noong marinig kong kausap niya yung Bryan na yun, nagbago na ang desisyon ko. Hindi ko na itutuloy ang planong iyon. At mananatili na lamang ako kay Chantal. Sumabog na ako dahil sa matinding selos sa lalakeng iyon!

"Opo. Kaya nga uuwi na po. Goodbye na okay? I miss you Bry." Narinig kong paalam niya sa kausap sa phone. Napangiti pa siya bago ibinaba iyon.

"So. Kaya ayaw mo akong makausap dahil may iba na?" Nagulat siya ng bigla akong nagsalita sa likuran niya. I clenched my hand because of total anger. Yes. I am a bitter man. And I can taste my own bitterness. But right now, I don't care about it. Mas nananaig ang selos at galit ko! Damn it.

"Oh please not now Wayne. Pagod ako." Pagod nga talaga niyang sagot. Mas lalo akong nagngitngit.

"Kung hindi ngayon, kelan pa? Kelan mo pa ako bibigyan ng pagkakataong mag explain?" Nag iwas siya ng tingin sa akin.

"Ang kulit mo naman eh. Bakit ano ba kasi ang ieexplain mo? Eh okay naman kasi tayo talaga!" Alam kong nagtitimpi lamang siya ng sinabi niya iyon sa akin. At ganoon na lamang kalaki ang takot na bumalot sa akin ng makita kong tinalikuran niya ako. And again, I got confused kung ano nga ba ang dapat kong gawin. Kaya mabilis na lamang akong lumapit sa kanya at niyakap siya habang nakatalikod siya.

"Please Selena. Don't be too distant and cold. I know nagtatampo ka sa nangyari. Kaya nga ako nandito diba?" Naiiyak kong sabi. God. I can't let go of this girl. I just love her so much.!

"Sabihin mo ulit yan sa akin kung may napili ka na sa aming dalawa Wayne. Dahil ang totoo, pagod na ako." Hindi ko alam kung saan ako humugot ng lakas para iharap siya sa akin. Kusang bumagsak ang luha ko sa sinabi niya. She stared at me blankly. At mas lalo akong napaiyak dahil doon. I thought she understands the situation. Pero hindi pala.

"Akala ko ba, kapag 27 ka ako magdedecide? Akala ko ba okay lang? Ayaw mo na ba ng ganitong set up? Ayaw mo na...." Hindi ko naituloy ang sasabihin dahil sa sumigaw siya bigla.

"Oo! Ayoko na ng ganito. I don't want to wait for my 27th birthday and expect na ako ang pipiliin mo! Dahil kung ako talaga! Ako lang! Hindi mo kailangang mamili! At di ko din kailangang hintayin ka hanggang sa makapili ka! Wayne, hindi ka naman mahihirapang pumili kung ako talaga ang mahal mo diba? I'm sorry Wayne. But I guess, it's better if we break up. Funny right? Nakikipagbreak ako sa lalakeng hindi ko alam kung talagang akin. I thought i can borrow you so I can own you, pero hanggang hiram lang pala ako. She's still the one na pupuntahan mo kahit pa na papiliin kita ngayon sa aming dalawa. Goodbye Wayne. We can be friends though." Mahabang litanya niya sa akin na nakapagpabalik sa akin. Napamura na lamang ako sa narinig.

"Putangina Selena. Ito ba talaga ang gusto mo? Okay sige. Pero bago matapos ang katangahan ko sa'yo, gusto ko lang sabihin sa'yong, mahal na mahal kita. At hindi ako nahihirapang pumili dahil una palang ikaw na ang pinipili ko. I told you I am just paying her goodness back pero hindi mo nga naman kayang intindihin ako. Ito ka oh, ako dito lang. Ang taas taas mo Sel. Ang hirap mong abutin. You have set your own standards that even I cannot reach. Tingin mo ikaw lang lagi ang tama. Na lahat ng nasa isip mo ang laging dapat masunod! So I guess yeah. We're really done. But hell to that, I don't want us to be friends! Maghanap ka ng kakaibiganin mong mahal na mahal ka. Kung merong papayag!" I left her there. I can't stand seeing her cry and break down in front of me. Call me coward but it breaks my heart too. I lied and made up a story to her. Hindi naman talaga totoong gusto ko lang bayaran ang kabutihan ni Chantal. I am doing this because of her weak heart. May sakit sa puso si Chantal. Kaya ganoon na lamang siya tratuhin ng pamilya, kamag anak at lahat ng nakakakilala sa kanya.

Maybe I'll regret leaving my Selena. At ngayon pa lang tuluyan na akong nawawasak dahil doon. Pero hindi na ako pwede pang umatras. Kung kaya ko lamang sana kontrolin ang sitwasyon, sana noon pa lang, ginawa ko na. I love Selena. At sigurado akong siya lamang ang babaeng mamahalin ko ng ganito katindi kahit pa magkagusto man ako sa ibang babae. She will always be my one true love. My greatest love.

Even if it is painful, I need to let her go so we can be better. I need to set her free to make everything at pace.

AN:// Wayne's POV. :)