Ed, Edd n Eddy (My Version/Headcanon)

Are You Smarter Than An Ed?

(W/N: A parody of The Young Ones' Bambi episode. T/W: Adult language)

[Opening Scene: Double D, Eddy and Katie sitting at their kitchen table. The phone is ringing. Double D is telling a story. Katie is writing in a notebook.]

Double D: Which, if you ask me, is about as clever as going to the toilet without taking your pants down! Anyway, Kylie decided...

Eddy: Wait a minute, wait a minute...Who's this Kylie?

Double D: What do you mean, "who's this Kylie"? We've been talking about her for the last few years!

Eddy: Have you?

Double D: Honestly, Eddy, have you been listening to a word I've said?

Eddy: No.

Double D: Well, pay attention. Kylie, right, who's that tall girl doing geoggers...

Eddy: OH! You mean the one with the enormous tits!

Double D: They're minu...Eddy, would you stop being so sexist? they're called breasts, and everybody has them.

Eddy: Well, I don't.

Double D: Yes, and nor did Adolf Hitler! *snort*

[brief shot of Ed running down the street]

Eddy: Oh, I know who you mean. "Old Yellow Pages".

Double D: Yes, yes, yes, yes, I believe some of the more politically unsound members of the Univerisity call her that, yes. So, anyway, Kylie decided...

Katie: Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.

Eddy:  What is it now?

Katie: Who's getting married?

Double D: No, no one's getting married, Katie, I'm talking about Kylie.

Katie: Who's Kylie?

Double D: Oh, God...

[again brief SCENE of Ed running down the street. He trips over a dust bin, spilling its contents. He notices a hippie-ish satchel amongst the trash and picks it up. Then he sees a dead pigeon also in the trash, picks it up, and puts it in the satchel. He continues running.]

Katie: [to Eddy] I still don't see why that means they should call her "Yellow Pages".

Eddy: I to Katie] Look, I'm telling you, Squirt, because when she gets drunk at parties...

[Eddy mimes the 2-finger Yellow Pages walk]

Double D: Eddy, please! Will you both please try and grow up and pay attention? It's my story, it's bloody amusing...Honestly, I don't know why I bother, sometimes!

Eddy: I don't know why you bother ever.

Double D: Yeah, right (snort) ... Anyway, Kylie decided not to go to the party, for the obvious reason...

Katie: Were we invited?

Double D: What?

Katie: To the party, the wedding.

Double D: [exasperated] NOOOOO!

[cut to SCENE of Ed running around the corner and into the house. He rushes into the kitchen, out of breath. The phone is still ringing.]

Ed: Guys, guys, listen, I've got something amazing to tell you!

Double D: Answer the phone, Ed!

Ed: What?

Double D: Answer the phone!

Ed: Oh yeah, right.

[Ed is about to pick up the phone when it stops ringing.]