Endless Love

37

I shook my head, slowly waking up in a pair of arms that were wrapped around me, it felt comfortable but I knew they weren't Josh's arms. I looked up at Ryan's sleeping face and leaned up, trying not to wake him up but it seems like I did.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you like that."

"It's fine, I knocked out too." He said stretching and rubbing his eyes. I watched him and I couldn't think of no one or nothing else but Josh. How he'd be arguing with me if he even knew he was here. I wanted to laugh but then at the same time I thought about what Ryan said, about Josh and I's relationship. Is it really going to be 'saved' based on the situation we're going through now? "Well it's 3:00am, we slept the evening and half night away. You look like you're thinking about something, what's going through your mind?"

"Honestly, Josh. Like if he was awake right now, here, would we be arguing over the same shit? Like could we actually sit here normally?"

"Probably not, but it sounds like you need to see him, you should go down there. You're just here in your loft these other hours drinking yourself away. At least go down there, where you can't just be in the dark and sad. At least you'd have them right there." He said and I cracked a small smile, he had a point.

"Why are you good with stuff like this? Like what's your deal, are you a therapist?"

"No, but I did lose my dad in a terrible car crash when I was about 10. So I know how it feels, the wait, the hurt."

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I was young but I was aware to know what's going on. Hopefully they'll both make it though." He said getting up and putting on his coat, and I got ready to go down to the hospital. The more I was around Ryan I was getting to know him better, I feel like he knew everything in my life right now. We walked down the hall not saying a word to eachother, I'm not sure if it was just awkward silence or it was because we ran out of things to say, or because it was 3am.

"You're right." I said walking with him outside to my car and that's where we stopped. "So where are you headed?"

"Not sure, work, or my place." He shrugged and put an arm around me and pulled me into a hug.

"Why is your hug so not a hug? You just damn near choking me and shit, hugs are two arms."

"I had to throw some humour in it, a normal hug would've been boring." He said laughing and kissing my forehead. "Be careful, and be safe."

"Wow, coffee boy got some care in his heart."

"Deep down." He smiled and got in his car and I got in mine, I didn't leave until I seen him pull off. I liked being around him but I wasn't trying to be in nothing serious or be in anything period, but I think we could be great friends, at least I hope so. I hate that Josh has me in such a confusing point in my life, wondering if it's too late for him and I, of if he'll even wake up, I don't know what to feel or do right now. It's like all my real feelings are just put on pause now that it's just me.

*************************************

"How's she doing?" I said asking the doctor as I walked into the room where Lily was, still laying there unconcious, in the same spot.

"She's still in the same condition, I wish we had answers. But with coma patients all we can really do is wait." He said before he left out of the room. Just when I was about to sit down, I heard screaming a few doors down like someone was giving birth. I peeked my head out the door and looked to see if I could see anyone that might've knew what was happening.

"What's going on?" I said asking a guy that was sitting in the next waiting room.

"My wife, well ex wife just lost her baby." I sat down next to him and studied him a little bit. He was tall and light skinned with dark brown eyes and dark brown curly hair. I looked at his face and he looked stressed and tired out, like he's been going through the most the last few days. Who am I to talk, I know I look even worse.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"The baby might not had been mine anyways." When he said that, all suspensions left my mind and I knew this must had to be Sabrina's husband.

"That's gotta hurt, I know someone who just went through something like that. We're probably talking about the same guy."

"That football guy Josh?"

"Yeah, he's my daughter's father. But someone else he recently found out the baby wasn't his. So to my knowledge, right now Lily's his only daughter."

"No offense, but I hate my ex wife and him for doing what they did."

"None taken, I know how Josh can be."

"Are you guys together? When did you find out about their affair?"

"Trust me if I knew I would've tracked you down the second I found out, I found out days before he got in the accident. So I don't know much about it either. And no, we weren't a couple, he claims he was trying to earn me back but that wasn't going to well."

"Yeah, my wife used to lie to me all the time about where she was going, or where she was, who she was with obviously. I've been in love with her for years. I would just love to hurt her back."

"I know the pain, I'd love to hurt Josh back without feeling scared too." I said looking at the door as it opened. She was laid back in the bed, crying and screaming outloud. No one was in there with her and no one was in the room for her except him. He got up and grabbed his coat when the doctors left out of her room. "You leaving? You not gonna go in there?"

"Trust me, I hate seeing her in so much pain but I'm in pain too."

"But it looks like she may need you right now."

"I don't know about you, but I'm not a push over. I'm not rushing down her side cause she needs somebody, I needed her too during rough times. Where was she? With another guy." He said before walking down the hall, and I got up to follow after him. When he said that I felt something click in my mind about Josh, it's like he described myself in so little words.

"I understand. I know how you feel." I said grabbing his arm and he turned around and stared at me for a while before saying anything, and neither did I. He grabbed my face and leaned down, giving me a kiss and I didn't deny it. I put my hand on the side of his neck and kissed him back, not stopping at all. I'm not going to lie and say it didn't feel good, cause it did. I was hurt too, I needed something to numb the pain just as much as he did, I was confused about what terms I needed to be on with Josh since we never got to talk about what's going on. He hid so much stuff from me, lied to me so much within this small time we got back in eachother's lives, I don't know what's real or what isn't, or what's a lie. But Josh got to have his fun over the years, I think it's time I have mine.